Is this still a reason to break up with her or am i too late?

[coleturner]

Hey guys. This is my first posting but I am a long-time lurker. In any case, I started seeing this girl in Feb who has an STD. We had protected sex but I still got the STD. The thing is, she never told me about the STD until three weeks afterwards. I was really sick mentally at the time so i just accepted it and said 'ok'. She didnt seem like she cared that she gave it to me because she had infected others with it already while in Italy (where she got it at) I too let this slide since I was sick. Then in May i was hospitalized a few times for attempted suicide. Well after I was released I got into a partial program where I would go and talk about my feelings, etc and the people there made me realize that I should be mad about the whole STD thing. and I didnt bring it up because I felt too much time had passed to bring it up since i orginally said it was ok. Now its almost December and I am still angry about the whole thing first because she had unprotected sex in the first place to get it, then she gives it to me and doesnt really seem to care that she did. Is this a reason to break up with her, or have I missed the boat on the whole issue? the std is HPV btw. Thank you for your replies

[Merin]

Yeah I think it's more than safe to say you have a reason to be angry.

 

She gave you an STD that she KNEW she was infected with.. that ISN'T OKAY.

Even if the 2 of you were using protection.. IMO when you make a decision to become intimate with someone disclosing sexual health is a MUST.

 

Obviously you're still very angry about what she did.. and again.. IMO have every right to be.

Should you break up with her over it.. that is entirely up to you.. but NO it isn't to late to let her know how you feel about her dishonesty regarding this to begin with.

 

My two cents

[coleturner]

Thanks for your reply does anyone else have any opinions? thanks

[Weird]

Agree with Merin yet again. Seems to be a common pattern around here these days. hehehe

[LucreziaBorgia]

Explain to her that you have had to take some time to process it and that after much consideration you need to confront her about her dishonesty. Don't make it about the STD, and don't allow her to make it about the STD (you don't her manipulating your emotions by pulling a pity card on you). Address her dishonesty and keep it on that topic and then see if you can go from there with her.

 

Whether or not you break up will depend on the outcome of that talk, I imagine.

[Barby]

Yes regardless of what you said at first (since you were having emotional probs) you have a right to be angry...she KNEW she had an STD, NObody should sleep w/ someone new w/out discussing that 1st.

 

 

you have the right to do what feels right 2 you.

[ntovrhm]

True, an STD is a serious issue. How did you know you had HPV as a male? I hear that is very common. . .

[broken7820]

I just went through the same thing - although I didn't contract the STD. By then, of course, I was emotionally attached to her.

 

Yes, you have a HUGE right to be concerned. You should realize that at the end of the day, she didn't respect your well-being. She gave you a DISEASE. How thoughtful of her...

[coleturner]

Ok, so I told her i was not mad but pissed off that I had HPV and her reaction was: its just an std, why are you mad? you dont show any symtoms, etc. atleast it isnt HIV.

 

Now, I really cant write this off as no big deal because I think it is. So now I am stuck and feel even more pissed off that she doesnt care and is treating this as a no biggie. hmmmm, in any case, thanks for all the replies guys and girls. feel free to add more i value each and every opinion. thanks

[NatoPMT]

Hi Cole

 

Sorry youve had such a rough time recently. My opinion on this is that you made an error in judgement in getting together with her in the first place. The issues arent just that she gave you the STD in the first place (big enough on its own) but that her attitude afterwards is not acceptable. If shed given you a cold her attitude is acceptable but this isnt a cold - I believe HPV increases a womans chance of cervical cancer dramatically, and its an 'its just an std' response is blantant in its disregard for you and your health as well as her own.

 

if she doesnt care about this, its indicative of her general attitude which sounds self-indulgent, selfish and reckless - she doesnt sound like a good bet to me.

 

When you met her you were having problems, i think this has clouded your judgement so you accepted her into your life as a person to trust. Was she supportive when you were in hospital etc? In retrospect do you feel she has manipulated you? If these questions leave you wondering why you are with her then end it, if she was supportive and was a tower of strength during a very difficult period, then deal with the STD thing as the other posters suggest.

 

BB

[coleturner]

Bigbelm, thanks for the response. she was very supportive however she did break up with me for it, but then she said she made a mistake and didnt want to, that was in july.

[GirlDown]

usually when people have an STD and care about someone, they will inform that person.

 

 

it's one thing to have an std, people don't usually set up to get one. but if it does that happen they try to be responsible about it.

 

i think she is a filthy girl with no respect for anyone. drop her like a hot coal.

 

oh, and also, it is never too late to change your mind about wanting to be with someone. it's not like once your chance is up, you're stuck with that person and have no way out. you have the option of leaving whenever you want.

[Pocky]

Is this still a reason to break up with her or am i too late?

 

You have a right to end a relationship with whomever you want, whenever you want and for any reason you want.

 

I'm not sure why you're still in the relationship with a question like this.