mia3 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hi, new here and need advice desperately.... Brief breakdown of our lives; we've been married 21 years married young at 19. We had 3 kids, all grown now. The first 11 years were great very busy and always on the go. 10 years ago is when I can recall everything started to change. He was laid off from company after 15 years...he broke down started drinking and went into a depression. I helped him and was by his side, supported him and helped him snap out of depression. He did got back up and started working for bigger better company...I thought depression and the heavy drinking was passed us....I was wrong. His drinking continued and it got worse his drinking along with his aggressiveness got even worse. He went after me and my daughter verbally and physically abusive. At times my older sons had to step in and hold him, but that only caused him to go after them. It's one thing for him to go after me but another to go after my kids...I defended them and physically stopped him as best I could....our home became a living nightmare. This went on for years. He would say sorry and promised never to do it again...but time after time he did the same. Many, many time I wanted to leave but didn't want disrupt my kids lives moving them from one place to another..and so on. I blame my self for having this hostile environment for them to see. The respect, trust, marital relations between him and I were very rare or none...him being drunk every evening and on is days off would just get me mad...but he didn't care...we never talk, go out nothing it's like being a single mother and just having a roommate to help pay the bills.... This is were it get complicated...I met a man. We started talking and it quickly became more than a friendship. This is what I want what I need...my husband didn't know and continued his drinki ng. My feeling started to get involved and so did his. He says he loves me and is willing to wait for me until divorce is final. I felt guilty and wanted to see if divorce is avoidable...I came clean with husband and told him about having this friend....biggest mistake he made me pay for 5days now....he wanted me leave. How do I know if divorce is unavoidable? Thanks for listening...
Mr. Lucky Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I was wrong. His drinking continued and it got worse his drinking along with his aggressiveness got even worse. He went after me and my daughter verbally and physically abusive. At times my older sons had to step in and hold him, but that only caused him to go after them. It's one thing for him to go after me but another to go after my kids...I defended them and physically stopped him as best I could....our home became a living nightmare. This went on for years. He would say sorry and promised never to do it again...but time after time he did the same. Many, many time I wanted to leave but didn't want disrupt my kids lives moving them from one place to another..and so on. I blame my self for having this hostile environment for them to see. The respect, trust, marital relations between him and I were very rare or none... Based on this, why on earth would you want to stay? Forget him, do you see what this says about you? Aren't you worth being treated decently, with love and respect? I can't imagine why you'd put yourself - or your kids - through anymore of this... Mr. Lucky
2sunny Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 He's not been present in your M due to his drinking. The M is a very damaging example to show your kids. That kind of environment is toxic to kids. Why not divorce? Get spousal support... Do not see the new guy anymore until the D is final!
littlejaz Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Divorce is unavoidable when you decide that you are worth more than being abused - whether it is mental or physical. You have a God given right to protect yourself and that includes getting divorced. I would say the only way to save your marriage would be for him to admit he has a problem with alcohol and being willing to get help. You cannot help him if he doesn't want help, but you do not have to live with it. Don't move out until you have met with an attorney. The decision to get divorced is very emotional but divorce itself is a legal issue and you should get legal advice before making your decision. Then you can make a decision that will protect you emotionally, physically and financially.
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