sweet05 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hi this is my story please give me some advice. I started dating someone a month ago. He has been divorced for 2 years, has two kids, has dated in those two years several people. Everything started perfect, best first dates ever, we enjoyed the company, we enjoyed talking, everything was just wonderful. I discovered he has issues with his mother, seems she abused him when a child. I also discovered he sees a therapist weekly, because for him sometimes is difficult to cope with life. He still has issues of hurt and trust of his marriage. Well everything was well and then he started getting stress from work, and started turning a bit cold on me. When we had a month together he told me he needed to talk that he needed to break up, that things weren't going well, he wasn't being himself and was just to depressed. We ended up not breaking because he said he had feelings for me and we should make it work. The day after that I felt bad of everything and just broke up with him, told him to take some time, to feel better and eventually if we could be together we would. Then days passed and I backed up, I told him if we both have feelings its not worth waiting for. Today we saw each other and he hugged me and told me he cared a lot for me, but that right now he isn't in the right place, that he cant make me happy how he feels right now, that he is depressed and needs to work on things. I told him I was going to move on and date other people, He told me it was fair, but that when he felt that he was in a right place he was going to seek out for me to see if he still had a chance. He told me I am the person he wants to be with, but right now he is emotionally unavailable and doesn't want me to suffer. What do you guys think about all this story?
Dying on the Vine Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I think that in many ways he did you a favour by being self-aware enough to recognize and admit to you that he is currently emotionally unavailable. It doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you - he's just being honest enough to admit to you that right now - at this point in his life - he's got too much going on and needs to sort his own stuff out first before he involves someone else in his life. He's trying to be fair and do the right thing for you Hun. There are too many men who are totally emotionally unavailable but they string a woman along for the ride bcuz it's convenient sex for them - meanwhile the woman is falling deeper in love with a man who isn't really "all there" - and they're the ones who end up feeling used and very hurt when it's finally over. Sounds like he's just trying to spare you all of that wasted time and hurt by being honest about where he stands with himself - and the rest of his life - right now. Why not see if you can maintain a healthy friendship with him while he takes the time to sort himself out - I'm sure he's got room for a friend - and it sounds like he could use one - plus it keeps you present and in the picture - even if it's in a limited capacity. And everyone can use a good friend. Life is hard - friends make it better.
Author sweet05 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Thanks for your advice, thats exactly what he said that he cares to much about me to drag me into something that right now is not going to work. That he needs to clear his things, be himself again to give me the relationship I deserve. He said is to difficult for him to be my friend since he has feelings and I right now can't be his friend because I have feelings and will feel bad. We both said today that in a month or so will touch base, I will be ready at that time to be his friend
Author sweet05 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 I texted him today and told him if we could at least be friends in the meantime, talk at least once or twice a month. And he answered back that no, that he needs to be by himself.
Author sweet05 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 I wrote him via facebook, and now he blocked me! So I wont write him more! Please guys tell me what you think about this! I know I have to start today the NC he obviously made it clear. But why tell me that in some time he will be good and will want me back!
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