Looking for answers and struggling to cope

[AriesGirl803]

OK, I'll try to make this as short as possible (ha!). In a nutshell, I was in a relationship with this guy for a couple months. I'm not one to be wide open and easily trusting, but I fell really hard for this guy. Things did go a little faster than I even expected. Granted, I had a crush on this guy forevvvver before we started dating. I just felt so comfortable with him, and that rarely happens with guys I meet.

 

Now, he did have some pretty major mood issues, severe bipolar/depression I'd say. I had a hard time coping with this and took it very personal when he would get into one of his moods. He can go from happy to super upset in no time (over nothing that is apparent to me). I didn't really understand where they were coming from and was actually convinced that he had been abused or something.

 

Well, we ended up having a huge discussion about how I (not him) was feeling about his mood swings and some other things. He is very self-absorbed when it comes to his moods and an arrogant person in general. He's a die hard musician and I think he enjoys playing the "oh I'm such a sensitive musician type, woe is me" card.

After we had the talk, I felt a lot better. Everything was in the open. And I even asked him to make sure there weren't any residual feelings/issues after the fact. He seemed perfectly fine. Once we talked about it and everything, I was going to drop it and let that be that.

 

Things seemed to good to be true the week after that. We hung out a few times, and he didn't even get into one of his moods (which I was bracing myself for and how I should handle it, etc). Nothing seemed amiss. We shopped one day, cooked dinner, had sex, the usual.

 

Note: starting that week his work schedule went crazy. Someone got fired so he had to open AND close AND pick up that person's work. And I know that's hard to handle, I don't think I could even do it. Well, that weekend rolls around, and (working in a restaurant) was insane for him. The last I had seen him was Wednesday and we made tentative plans (based on how tired I might be) to hang out late Sunday night when he got off work. I decided I definitely wanted to see him and told him this, I was very amped/happy.

 

So, I go over to his place when he's off work and things just were not right. He seemed like he didn't want me there and said he was too tired to do anything. He didn't want to hang out the next day either, even though that is the day we both have off. Yet, we ended up spending an hour with his roommate that night doing literally nothing. I was very irritated as my mother was in town and I could've spent more time with her. Then we FINALLY hang out on our own and he said he'd been hit with a bad mood the past few days, nothing to be done about it. He whined/complained about different **** for the majority of the night.

 

Then we had sex (he initiated) and later got revved up again and he said he didn't "want to have sex all the time." IDK, he just seemed very distant, which I definitely reciprocated while being there. Then, he texts me Monday night telling me he got everything he needed to get done, but didn't try to hang out with me. What the purpose was of telling me that, I do not know. I was def upset. Now, Tues, Wed, Thurs go by and I don't hear a single word from him. No text, no call, absolutely zilch. Rewind back to the big talk: I had specifically said I don't handle the disappearing act well due to what I guess you'd call "abandonment issues."

 

Friday comes and I text him, essentially he bull****ted a response and I simply stated that he could drop my books and belongings off at my work that weekend. But he insisted on talking to me in person.

Basically, he said he didn't have time for me. I was very cold withdrawn during the breakup and he left very quickly. I due enjoy putting up that cold/caustic front like I'm unphased. It's just how I handle things.

However, that was just a front. And he gave me a chance to say something if I wanted to, I was taken aback and just said that anything I thought didn't matter at that point.

 

 

I'm truly a wreck, though. I don't buy the time bull**** because in my mind you will MAKE the time for what you care about. So that tells me he didn't give a **** about me period, or simply switched it off. IDK, my emotions are all over the place. I've wanted to contact him so badly. Fortunately I deleted his number and have blocked him on FB but I do know his e-mail address. I really want to write him an e-mail explaining how I really feel, but mainly to see WHY he did this. If it's bc he didn't give a ****, then I feel like I need to hear those words in order to process this and move on.

 

My mind has been running in circles trying to pinpoint where things went wrong.

Did he realize he didn't care about me that much?

Did he meet someone else?

Did he just feel like he didn't deserve me?

Did we not have enough in common?

Was I not understanding enough?

 

I'm driving myself insane. It's been two weeks since we broke up and I keep hoping against hope that he will contact me. I was pretty much in love with him even though I never said so. I just want to know why. Period. To contact or not to contact? Lay it on me.

Edited October 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[AriesGirl803]

I'm really upset about all of this. I try to keep busy, but I know I'm only fooling myself. I just feel like I'm so easily discarded... I have been in this same situation a couple times. Never gets easier. Especially with having my questions unanswered..

[send_me_flowers]

it really sucks their not man enough to tell us. but dont break nc. just try and move on. i know its hard im going through hell i was left for someone else its so bad to be replaced for another like anything we had was nothing it was everything to me

 

you need to try and focus your thoughts onto you. you are what matters not him

 

he probably wouldnt give you a reason anyway

[melell]

I am going to be blunt. It sucks, but if this guy loved you, or felt that way from the get go things would be much much different.

From what you have said the 'relationship' meant very little to him.

Perhaps he is not capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone, but at the same time I am sure if he really loved someone he would do everything in his power to make things work.

 

It is a hard thing to face, I know. And the blow to the ego is not fun at all. But there really is no point even thinking about this, you are wasting your time analyzing the events as they have unfolded. He doesn't want you, it is what it is.

 

Mood disorders etc, are very hard to deal with. If two people are in love and committed they can deal with them of course with a lot of work.

But two people not committed, one with a mood disorder, and the other with some insecurities=recipe for disaster.

 

Don't waste anymore time on this!

[Fufu]

Dear AriesGirl803.

 

You are in love with him from what you mentioned. Is he in love with you? That's another question.

 

I personally don't find you are ready for his mood disorders (bipolar / depression) and let alone he isn't ready for a committed relationship too.

 

Step away from him and move on first. If he doesn't know what he wants or feels, no one can truly help him. And by the way, did he visit doctor/specialist about his severe bipolar/depression? I sure hope he does.