princess_peach Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Met this guy on OLD, exchanged about two messages before we met up, went on two dates. Everything was great, we clearly like each other, then sh*t inevitably happened. Basically, he's a (I believe divorced) single dad with full custody of two kids (I believe about 5-6 years old). I knew he had kids from day 1 and guessed about the full custody not long after, so I knew exactly what I was getting involved with and have long since decided that no matter what comes up I will not walk away from him because of anything that neither of us can control. Now he says his circumstances have changed (he explained how a little bit but still didn't give me all the details) and he no longer has time for a relationship. *sigh* All I see is excuses and misunderstandings with a 'you're too young' vibe (he didn't actually say that, but I got the impression he isn't considering me as an equal and there is a 9-year age difference between us). I tried to tell him that I understand his situation and I'm willing to stick with him even if he doesn't have a lot of time for me, but he didn't bite. In the end I wished him well with a (very fake) smilie, and told him to let me know if things ever slow down. This was an exchange of about four semi-long text messages (ridiculous, I know, but it's his preferred method of communication), and I was trying to keep my emotions in check, so I feel that I didn't fully explain my point-of-view. This man (including all his complications) is everything I want both right now and long term. He earned my respect and now he has my heart. But I know two dates does not make a relationship, and we still hardly know each other. I could forget about him and move on, but I really don't want to. So I figure I have two options. My Question: If you were him, which would make you more likely to come back to me: no further contact at all (I appear to forget about him and move on), or a quick email clarifying that I don't need anything he can't give me and I wouldn't mind seeing him only occasionally (all 100% true)? I'm thinking no contact, but I just really hate misunderstandings and I know I'm not likely to find anyone better than him anytime soon either way.
deathandtaxes Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You don't get him back. Take him on his word that circumstances have changed. Then go NC. You'll feel better. And then use your time and energies for more constructive purposes, like finding other dates.
Leigh 87 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Most men who say this just mean they don't want a relationship with you. There are rare exceptions, however; the same guy who sais he is too busy for a relationship, would want a relationship with a girl who he really liked. Most guys won't let a girl go if he meets her and he really feels she is something special; providing she also shows signs of interest and seems open to his advances. He probably enjoyed talking to you somewhat, but just didn't feel compelled to bother. Please don't wait for him or try to win him over; another girl who is just being herself will get him to fall head over heals for her. Why would you want to have to TRY to get a guy to fall for you:sick:
Author princess_peach Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Most men who say this just mean they don't want a relationship with you. There are rare exceptions, however; the same guy who sais he is too busy for a relationship, would want a relationship with a girl who he really liked. Most guys won't let a girl go if he meets her and he really feels she is something special; providing she also shows signs of interest and seems open to his advances. He probably enjoyed talking to you somewhat, but just didn't feel compelled to bother. Please don't wait for him or try to win him over; another girl who is just being herself will get him to fall head over heals for her. Why would you want to have to TRY to get a guy to fall for you:sick: Thanks:) You're absolutely right. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I'm just sad because our first date was far from perfect and I wasn't feeling well on the second, so I didn't get much of a chance to show him my awesome personality and prove that I'm a keeper.
soccerrprp Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Met this guy on OLD, exchanged about two messages before we met up, went on two dates. Everything was great, we clearly like each other, then sh*t inevitably happened. I'm just sad because our first date was far from perfect and I wasn't feeling well on the second, so I didn't get much of a chance to show him my awesome personality and prove that I'm a keeper. Fascinating. You initially characterized the dates as GREAT, but when you came to your senses, reality, you then disappointedly point out just how FAR from perfect they were. Funny how we "air-brush" our experiences when we see hope, but see more clearly when brought back to reality....I just thought this interesting and so common.
Author princess_peach Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Fascinating. You initially characterized the dates as GREAT, but when you came to your senses, reality, you then disappointedly point out just how FAR from perfect they were. Funny how we "air-brush" our experiences when we see hope, but see more clearly when brought back to reality....I just thought this interesting and so common. Great = lots of attraction/chemistry + both had fun + progress from one date to the next. Perfect = lots of attraction/chemistry + both had fun + stimulating conversation + actually getting to know each other + progress from one date to the next. I'm optimistic. There's quite a significant gap between great and perfect in my mind because I classify just about everything above neutral as great.
Leigh 87 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 First of all, it is really great how you immediately took our advice, and you realise that you deserve a guy who falls head over heals for YOU, merely through being around you when you are just being yourself. A LOT of women feel they can change guys. They feel if only they present themselves in their best way to guys, then the guy will come around and want a relationship with them. The key to living a more stress free and more enjoyable life, in my opinion, is when it comes to dating and men; just be YOURSELF, albeit a good version of yourself. So long as you have friends (even just a couple of you're an introvert), a career or study path and a hobby or two, then just carry on being yourself, and you should NOT ever worry about whether a guy likes you or not. They will make it clear. You will not have to chase them. I really commend you for listening to us. Again, most women don't pat enough attention to guys ACTIONS, and they feel they can just change a guys feelings for them with enough charm. You're doing so much better than most women out there, who do not come on for relationship advice and, instead, blindly try to pique the interest of men who are not dying to date them.
Recommended Posts