Johnsmith100 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Just wondered if anybody had any personal experience of a personality change after a long term break up? A girl I know was cheated on and has broken up with her boyfriend of 7 years. It was from 17 years of age to 24. She's now a completely different person in my opinion. Emotionally cold, selfish, almost teenager like, she gets too drunk when she's out. Is this particularly worse in people that bottle their feelings and don't talk about them? She's been my best friend for 10 years and I now struggle to even recognise her as the person that was there 3 months ago. Thanks guys
lauri Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Just wondered if anybody had any personal experience of a personality change after a long term break up? A girl I know was cheated on and has broken up with her boyfriend of 7 years. It was from 17 years of age to 24. She's now a completely different person in my opinion. Emotionally cold, selfish, almost teenager like, she gets too drunk when she's out. Is this particularly worse in people that bottle their feelings and don't talk about them? She's been my best friend for 10 years and I now struggle to even recognise her as the person that was there 3 months ago. Thanks guys Yes, they can for the short term. They are going to go through this little "phase" in their life. Eventually, they'll change into someone else and mature more. She lived a long time of her life with one guy and now is getting out there "living the life". Sooner or later, she'll come to her senses. 1
headinthecloud Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 She is trying to cope with both a BU and the trauma of betrayal. Her trust in others is completely gone at the moment. She needs love and support right now - no judgments. How she behaves with you has likely nothing to do with you but rather her just focusing all her energy on recovering - hence the coldness. Be a friend, accept who she is now as she's not herself right now but will come out of this. unfortunately, she will be a completely different person at the end.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 She has every right to act out. I wasn't cheated on but when my bf walked out of my life I was devastated and felt like he took a part of my heart and pulverized it. All I could think about was how he could be so cold when I gave so much of myself to him. I loved him more than I had loved anyone before. Since the break up, I've done everything I can to heal including being selfish. I felt like I lost a little of me in my relationship and a part of getting myself back is to be a little self-absorbed, selfish and yes maybe even a little cold. I know it's hard seeing such a change in your best friend but it's temporary. She's going through a lot right now and the kindest thing you can do now for her (just like the previous poster said) is to support her, don't judge and love her lots. Thank goodness for my bff. She along with other great friends and family are the only reason I'm doing so much better already. 1
Omei Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 (edited) Oh yeahhh we can! When my ex left me for 2 months I went on a binge and adventure streak I binge drinked spent all my cash had none left for food went partying, galavanted around downtown at night with semi friends even almost did a drug I will not mention(this point i realized i was going too far.) Slept all day and pushed my child onto my parents. I was like a total différent person. It was all very hard, hardest breakup ever I matured a lot more I dont think any breakup in my future will ever get me that crazy again. Now 8months later I dont drink or go out on crazy nights I am completely fine and back to myself taking of bussness like the breakup never effected me. I had great support Just give her some time. Edited October 3, 2013 by Omei
Dying on the Vine Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Oh Honey - her whole world has been turned upside down. The one person whom she probably trusted more then anyone else - betrayed her. Now she doesn't know who to trust - including herself. Because after all she was deceived for so very long and she didn't see it - so can she even trust herself - trust her own judgment?? I'm sure that's part of what she's feeling - I know I did after my Ex of 16 years cheated on me and I didn't see it. It's going to take a long time for her to heal - and she will never be the same person again - because you can't go thru something like that and come out the otherwise still being the same. Something in her was betrayed and broken and it will heal - but she'll always know where the scars and the cracks are. Give her time and listen to her without judgment - try to understand what she's going thru and be the friend she thinks you are - she needs something to be true right now - and you can give her that gift.
Fufu Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Some people have behavioral change after going through unexpected life changed. It can be temporary or for life. Just be there as a best friend to listen to her if she needs one. 1
todreaminblue Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 (edited) the only way i have really changed is i dont want my ex...i am stronger...didnt ever think i would make it on my own with five kids ...i am not a disciplinarian ...i am pretty soft so my kids would have a field day that is what i thought...hey...still here.....kids are all still alive......my heart will never change.......when i broke up and around the six month mark i went through some really confusing times thought i was ready to date and i wasnt....... i am about seven years in now......ready to date if i meet the right guy......the way i treat people is always the same....i dont blame others for anothers mistakes...my ex stuffed up not the whole world or all the guys in it..i take people for who they are and hope they do the same for me.......... not everyoen changes just because they break up with someone....even logn term , i still have the same values the same desires the same ways the same beliefs as i did in a relationship...be a friend to your friend she will do what she needs to recover and move on and be there when she needs someone to talk to..best wishes......................deb Edited October 3, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Here comes the hard part. He had a a history of cheating on her and we started having a long distance affair. We never stopped speaking 24/7 and saw each other every day whenever I was home. I was always there for her through the hard times and she leant on me whenever she needed to, although she said she didn't want to. She's said nobody else gets her to open up at all and I'm the only person she'll remotely open up to, nobody knows her better etc. Now she's decided her feelings have changed and is pretty much off the rails. I've had to walk away and go NC and it's killing me. She still has to sell her house and everything is on top of her. I don't know if it'll all get better in a few months but for now this needs to happen and I care SO much about her. Having to pretend I don't is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Today has been the worst day...we haven't spoken for 4 days and it was left so that she wouldn't contact me again
aybc123 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 yes they can and do just like guys. when i broke up with my girlfriend it triggered a nervous breakdown after a few months of pretending she was ok (I had no clue she wasn't) and had to stop work. and a few months after that had a full psychotic break that required hospitalisation and medication. There were obviously other factors involved like work stress and previous issues from earlier in life too. We then got back together, more me falling for her again because I was around a lot because i still cared about her deeply and wanted to help her through stuff. When she had recovered a couple of months ago i guess she decided it would never work properly again between us or that too much **** had happened and she broke up with me. Since then she has been noticeably more cold to people (myself included), has been drinking heavily several days a week, working crazy hours partying hard etc, when we were still talking she told me she almost stripped for a bunch of guys at 6am after a night out and a couple of bottles of spirits (yeah i know thanks for telling me that or what). I really do hope that this is just a temporary phase because frankly who she is at the moment is a major bitch compared to the wonderful girl i knew and at the moment i pity the guy who gets involved with her next.
JDPT Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 My ex is so calm about it I've heard nothing from her in roughly 5 months, can she be considered an exception? meh
aybc123 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 My ex is so calm about it I've heard nothing from her in roughly 5 months, can she be considered an exception? meh Depends on how hard the break up was with her, do you still talk to her at all or totally cut off? anyway outside appearances are hard to judge, like i said when i initially brokeup with my gf she seemed fine and we chatted once a week or so with me thinking she was moving on the same as I was and then boom calls me up one night having had a nervous breakdown telling me that she still loves me. This time around she wont talk to me at all anymore and is acting like a total bitch so go figure. Either way think yourself lucky if you got out of a relationship on good terms with no drama or animosity, i've only managed it once myself.
barky2 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Response to title. Do bears poop in the woods? Barky
JDPT Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Depends on how hard the break up was with her, do you still talk to her at all or totally cut off? anyway outside appearances are hard to judge, like i said when i initially brokeup with my gf she seemed fine and we chatted once a week or so with me thinking she was moving on the same as I was and then boom calls me up one night having had a nervous breakdown telling me that she still loves me. This time around she wont talk to me at all anymore and is acting like a total bitch so go figure. Either way think yourself lucky if you got out of a relationship on good terms with no drama or animosity, i've only managed it once myself. Far from good terms trust me. One day she just decided to stop talking to me after 4 years and that was the end of us. It's been roughly 5 months post bu ands till nothing. I'm not complaining I just see her determination and should learn from it.
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 I think that's one of the hardest things about it. When you know somebody better than anybody else and then boom they're a totally different person. If somebody told me this would have happened 6 months ago I'd have told them they were talking ****. Now it's like she's forgotten everything we had. She's so vulnerable and I have to be ok knowing people will take advantage. No idea what I can do to help her now.
cavalier99 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 My ex is so calm about it I've heard nothing from her in roughly 5 months, can she be considered an exception? meh Consider yourself lucky! Finally a good dumper who goes by the book. She has done you a big favor. Cav
JDPT Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Consider yourself lucky! Finally a good dumper who goes by the book. She has done you a big favor. Cav Though love feels like a nice jolt. That's the only approach she has going for herself. I don't give her credit but merely accept her determination and commitment and of course still meh. It helps me propel myself forward. I embrace it fully and nothing but forward motion on my end.
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