lop98 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 I'd go for the less rational option and choose the two short trips and live with the consequences of a tighter budget, or no budget , later on... especially if he's not feeling well, it's all about support and money comes and goes...
Polak Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Tough decision, I see what's going on. But as a financial guy myself, I would hold out and take the longer trip later. Just like Carenth, you will thank yourself later, it will be worth it! The only issue will be the extra time spent missing each other... it gets harder the more time you're away from each other, so it will imperative that you help each other power through it.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Ahhhh! Ok, so after going over my finances... I am going to go to the dentist and get an estimate of how much it is going to cost to get my teeth taken care of [this is a big reason why I would wait to go] and see what they say. If the price is under a certain amount and they allow me to make payments... I will probably end up going in December!!! It probably isn't the SMARTEST choice, as I will be on a pretty tight budget for the next few months... the way I see it though, you only live once right? Living off of top ramen for a few months in order to spend a month in France seems worth it. I am totally not being rational [and who knows, my teeth could end up costing more than I am anticipating] but I will suffer in the name of love.
candie13 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Def and 100% go during winter time. He needs you. Screw spring. Sorry about you not being able to stay longer... but... it's only money. Your bf needs you now, not when it's more convenient from a financial perspective. Life sucks.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Def and 100% go during winter time. He needs you. Screw spring. Sorry about you not being able to stay longer... but... it's only money. Your bf needs you now, not when it's more convenient from a financial perspective. Life sucks. I will probably go in the spring too. It wouldn't cost all that much and I would be saving money on rent by moving out sooner. Life doesn't suck that much. I get to go to France! & if everything goes the way I hope it does, that brings the countdown to a little under 3 months until I see my man!
soccerrprp Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Please correct me if I'm wrong, but the 2-week winter break isn't affecting your schooling, correct? I mean, it's during the holiday break. So, bring your books with you if you're concerned about losing time studying. You can certainly fit in some quality time to study AND be with your bf. Also, it seems clear that you are able to make both the winter and spring trips if you budget. So, if I were you, I'd go for it. Saving money to spend there is nice, but not entirely necessary. You'll just have less to spend, more time in, and that's good too, right? Most dentist's office will work with you. Hope it works out.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Please correct me if I'm wrong, but the 2-week winter break isn't affecting your schooling, correct? I mean, it's during the holiday break. So, bring your books with you if you're concerned about losing time studying. You can certainly fit in some quality time to study AND be with your bf. Also, it seems clear that you are able to make both the winter and spring trips if you budget. So, if I were you, I'd go for it. Saving money to spend there is nice, but not entirely necessary. You'll just have less to spend, more time in, and that's good too, right? Most dentist's office will work with you. Hope it works out. None of the breaks affect my schooling. I will be over there while he is still in classes though. My break is from the 20th of December to the 20th of January. The reason why I am so worried, is because my teeth are pretty crucial, it was the main reason why we were going to wait till the summer for me to head over, that way I could just fix all of them in one go. I have an appointment, as soon as I get an estimate I will either buy the tickets or put it into the back of my mind. More time and less to spend is great I guess! It really won't be that much less, I just won't be able to live as comfortable as I have been.
skydiveaddict Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Time away from the person you love sucks no matter what. I'm sure that's true . I meant no disrespect. As someone who was married to a military man, no situation is above another. I'm not sure I agree with that. Getting deployed to a nasty place is a far cry from missing your bf who is safe in school.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 I'm sure that's true . I meant no disrespect. I'm not sure I agree with that. Getting deployed to a nasty place is a far cry from missing your bf who is safe in school. It is different, but I don't think one should be placed below another because the situation is different.
Els Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Ahhhh! Ok, so after going over my finances... I am going to go to the dentist and get an estimate of how much it is going to cost to get my teeth taken care of [this is a big reason why I would wait to go] and see what they say. If the price is under a certain amount and they allow me to make payments... I will probably end up going in December!!! It probably isn't the SMARTEST choice, as I will be on a pretty tight budget for the next few months... the way I see it though, you only live once right? Living off of top ramen for a few months in order to spend a month in France seems worth it. I am totally not being rational [and who knows, my teeth could end up costing more than I am anticipating] but I will suffer in the name of love. Uhhhh... I dunno, jac. I mean, looking at it from an outsider's point of view - he goes overseas to study, then he feels lonely and says he wants you to come so he doesn't have to be alone over the holidays even though he can't contribute anything to the tickets, and you're going to be eating ramen for a few months to do this. Twice. Doesn't this look... just the tiniest bit one-sided to you? I'm all for budgeting so you can meet up more often, but surely he can play a part in paying for the visits too? I guess I may be a little fuddy duddy and old-fashioned here, but I guess it strikes me as strange that a man would be totally fine with his (equally broke) gf doing that and not offer to contribute. No offense intended, just my honest thoughts. 7
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Uhhhh... I dunno, jac. I mean, looking at it from an outsider's point of view - he goes overseas to study, then he feels lonely and says he wants you to come so he doesn't have to be alone over the holidays even though he can't contribute anything to the tickets, and you're going to be eating ramen for a few months to do this. Twice. Doesn't this look... just the tiniest bit one-sided to you? I'm all for budgeting so you can meet up more often, but surely he can play a part in paying for the visits too? I guess I may be a little fuddy duddy and old-fashioned here, but I guess it strikes me as strange that a man would be totally fine with his (equally broke) gf doing that and not offer to contribute. No offense intended, just my honest thoughts. Under normal circumstances, I would totally agree. That being said, there are so many factors here that make this unusual. For starters, I cannot stress enough how strict his budget is being over there. Me? Yeah, I have a budget, but I in no way have to worry about having money for anything. [the ramen thing was a total exaggeration] The only thing I worry about is getting my teeth fixed. If I all of a sudden had no income coming in, I could hold off on that. He doesn't really have any savings. His money for this year IS his savings. It sucks, but I fully support it. Then there is the fact that while yes, I will be paying for my own tickets, I am going to be staying there rent free. Except that it won't be rent free, it will just be him paying for his rent. We plan these things based on a combined plan. While we have separate finances, we do things based on what is best for the both of us. I will admit, it is a bit selfish for him to want me to go there in winter, but then again, it isn't as if I am getting nothing out of it. I miss him too! I know it looks bad, but from the inside, not only is it completely understandable, but I am getting a pretty good deal for such a big trip. Going there for me is a once in a lifetime adventure. I can't seem to think of any other time in my life where I will be able to spend such a good chunk of time in such a beautiful place. I don't want to lay out the entire financial aspect of all of this, but rest assured, he isn't some ******* demanding I see him because he doesn't want to spend the money to come home. The fact of the matter is he doesn't have the money for it. He took a huge risk going on this trip, and it isn't turning out the way he wanted. He regrets it, but at this point there is no going back. 100% if he had the money, he would pay for me to not just visit, but would have figured out a way to have me there with him the entire time.
clia Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Does he have any friends or family members who could go visit if you can't? I'm surprised more people he knows aren't jumping at the chance to visit him over there! Maybe that would make him feel better. Has he made friends at school?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Does he have any friends or family members who could go visit if you can't? I'm surprised more people he knows aren't jumping at the chance to visit him over there! Maybe that would make him feel better. Has he made friends at school? Ugh, that is the sad thing, he really doesn't. His dad is pretty un-interested in traveling and his leukemia only recently went into remission. His mom of course would love to, but with his dad... well, she is old fashioned and will stay with him. He has a sister and a brother, but both have their own lives. Now, MY family would probably all do it in a heartbeat! As for friends, that is a huge reason why things are so difficult. He feels completely out of place, considering the fact that he is SO much older than most students. Some of his professors are even younger than him. It is just turning out to be not what he expected. With his tight budget [while many of the other students in the program have wealthy families] and age, not to mention the fact that he is a recovering alcoholic and doesn't "party"... he is just miserable.
veggirl Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Ugh, that is the sad thing, he really doesn't. His dad is pretty un-interested in traveling and his leukemia only recently went into remission. His mom of course would love to, but with his dad... well, she is old fashioned and will stay with him. He has a sister and a brother, but both have their own lives. Now, MY family would probably all do it in a heartbeat! As for friends, that is a huge reason why things are so difficult. He feels completely out of place, considering the fact that he is SO much older than most students. Some of his professors are even younger than him. It is just turning out to be not what he expected. With his tight budget [while many of the other students in the program have wealthy families] and age, not to mention the fact that he is a recovering alcoholic and doesn't "party"... he is just miserable. What did he expect? DUH most people on their year abroad are like 22 or whatever and down to party. I mean seriously what did he expect. Maybe he should take a loss and call it a day if he is so miserable? Do one semester and then come back. 1
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 What did he expect? DUH most people on their year abroad are like 22 or whatever and down to party. I mean seriously what did he expect. Maybe he should take a loss and call it a day if he is so miserable? Do one semester and then come back. He just figured it would be easier to meet someone... ANYONE. Think about it, he built it up, as this is something he had dreamed about since he was young. He got caught up. I don't blame him, I totally understand that, and I still support him in going. The thing is, and the big reason why he won't come home early. The experience is pretty amazing. He is a french major, living in the country is a HUGE bonus for future references. He is loving what he is doing when it comes to classwork, and the french culture itself he is just as in love with. It is the isolation that he is having a hard time adjusting to. He has only been there for 2 months now, and is going down many different avenues to create social interactions. It just is a lot more work because of his age. Heck, finding a job is hard for him. Most people are looking for young youthful students, and his choice of jobs is narrow enough on the student visa. He is still trying though, so I hope he gets something soon for his own sanity. I am still glad he is there, if anything, it has definitely been something that has brought us closer together. Made us realize how perfect we really are together. I mean, I feel bad saying it, but his lack of interaction with others is probably a big reason why we skype for about 3-4 hours almost everyday.
veggirl Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Why doesn't he join a meet up type group or something? I mean knowing that he'd be traveling with more traditionally aged college kids, I'm surprised he didn't think about this before he arrived. He could have been corresponding with some French dudes before he went or something so he'd have a buddy. Skyping 3 hours a day seems excessive and tbh detrimental to his goal over there. I'm not sure why he'd be at a disadvantage for a basic fast food or whatever type of job. I mean he is what 33? Not 83. I'd think the employers would welcome someone more mature, someone who won't come in hungover/late/whatever. I find that very odd.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Why doesn't he join a meet up type group or something? I mean knowing that he'd be traveling with more traditionally aged college kids, I'm surprised he didn't think about this before he arrived. He could have been corresponding with some French dudes before he went or something so he'd have a buddy. Skyping 3 hours a day seems excessive and tbh detrimental to his goal over there. I'm not sure why he'd be at a disadvantage for a basic fast food or whatever type of job. I mean he is what 33? Not 83. I'd think the employers would welcome someone more mature, someone who won't come in hungover/late/whatever. I find that very odd. He is making his strides. His options would be a lot better if he was a drinker. He is still adjusting, and he is definitely putting himself out there. I am too lazy to make the list of all the effort he is putting into it, but that is a big reason why it is hurting him so much, the rejection is getting to him.
clia Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 That's really sad. He should definitely look for Meetup groups (if he hasn't already), including groups over there with people from the U.S. My boyfriend spent some time working in Australia and met a bunch of people using Meetup, many of whom he still keeps in touch with. There may also be other U.S. ex-pat type groups over there that he can find out about through the Embassy.
FitChick Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 He won't have to go to the Embassy. I just did a quick google and found several forums for expats in France. Easy!
Els Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) Under normal circumstances, I would totally agree. That being said, there are so many factors here that make this unusual. For starters, I cannot stress enough how strict his budget is being over there. Me? Yeah, I have a budget, but I in no way have to worry about having money for anything. [the ramen thing was a total exaggeration] The only thing I worry about is getting my teeth fixed. If I all of a sudden had no income coming in, I could hold off on that. He doesn't really have any savings. His money for this year IS his savings. It sucks, but I fully support it. Then there is the fact that while yes, I will be paying for my own tickets, I am going to be staying there rent free. Except that it won't be rent free, it will just be him paying for his rent. We plan these things based on a combined plan. While we have separate finances, we do things based on what is best for the both of us. I will admit, it is a bit selfish for him to want me to go there in winter, but then again, it isn't as if I am getting nothing out of it. I miss him too! I know it looks bad, but from the inside, not only is it completely understandable, but I am getting a pretty good deal for such a big trip. Going there for me is a once in a lifetime adventure. I can't seem to think of any other time in my life where I will be able to spend such a good chunk of time in such a beautiful place. I don't want to lay out the entire financial aspect of all of this, but rest assured, he isn't some ******* demanding I see him because he doesn't want to spend the money to come home. The fact of the matter is he doesn't have the money for it. He took a huge risk going on this trip, and it isn't turning out the way he wanted. He regrets it, but at this point there is no going back. 100% if he had the money, he would pay for me to not just visit, but would have figured out a way to have me there with him the entire time. Edit: Oops, I just read that he can get a job, he just isn't getting any offers. IMO with some perseverence he should be able to get something. All depends on how much he needs (or wants) the extra $$. Honestly, I REALLY don't think you should pay the full cost for your second ticket to go there over the winter so he can feel less lonely. You mention lots of other 'benefits' to you, but when it comes down to the crunch, if it weren't for him, there is no way you'd be wanting to pay $1200 for a 2-week vacation in your current financial circumstances, yes? Edited October 5, 2013 by Elswyth
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 Edit: Oops, I just read that he can get a job, he just isn't getting any offers. IMO with some perseverence he should be able to get something. All depends on how much he needs (or wants) the extra $$. Honestly, I REALLY don't think you should pay the full cost for your second ticket to go there over the winter so he can feel less lonely. You mention lots of other 'benefits' to you, but when it comes down to the crunch, if it weren't for him, there is no way you'd be wanting to pay $1200 for a 2-week vacation in your current financial circumstances, yes? I'll totally admit that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't, but then again, if it weren't for him, this trip would be SO much more costly and I probably wouldn't be doing it at all. It would be one of those dreams. I'll worry about the second ticket when the time comes. Right now he is working his butt off trying to get a job, I am sure he will get one. Maybe he will be able to contribute to a second ticket. For now, I am just excited that I am going to Paris this winter!!! I am so excited to cuddle up and see my man!
Grumpybutfun Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Paris really is beautiful in the winter. I am a hardcore financial responsible type and I would break the bank to be with my girl. I totally understand the need to connect with your love. Money is a small price to pay for travel with a lover...experiences are so much more important to your life as you grow older, especially since it seems you both are being prudent in all other ways financially. Have a wonderful trip, Miss Jaclynrae. Best, Grumps 2
ThisGal Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 (edited) Someone is def getting taken advantage of but I won't say who. I think she knows who she is! If you wanna go to Paris THAT bad then go to Groupon.com or a similar site and find a great deal on in their getaways/destination page. But not a snowball's chance in hell I would pay for everything twice. Especially if we're both broke college students. No, monsieur! Should he eventually help pay? Yes/Oui! Edited October 6, 2013 by ThisGal 1
Divasu Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 He wants me to try to come for all of my winter break, while I am thinking of taking 8 week courses and leaving in April. Trying to figure out what to do is frustrating. He wants me there so badly [to the point where he has honestly brought up me taking a semester off] but financially we need to be smart. So, he wants you to forfeit your education so that you can go to Paris. Not smart.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Someone is def getting taken advantage of but I won't say who. I think she knows who she is! If you wanna go to Paris THAT bad then go to Groupon.com or a similar site and find a great deal on in their getaways/destination page. But not a snowball's chance in hell I would pay for everything twice. Especially if we're both broke college students. No, monsieur! Should he eventually help pay? Yes/Oui! I can't really make it any more clear than I have about finances and how we handle them together. Oh well! So, he wants you to forfeit your education so that you can go to Paris. Not smart. Not at all... I want to stay in school for less time so I can leave earlier. That is my choice! I am the one who came up with that idea. It would be easy, I wouldn't be forfeiting anything.
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