chin1107 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) My friend Jess and I became more than friends over the summer and really caught strong feelings for one another. However, things between us got really confusing in the past month. She saw that I still kept in touch with my ex and assumed that we had a thing going and were gonna get back together (which wasn't the case at all. We are friends and I was still there for her while she was away because she was under a lot of stress and had no1 else to talk to, and especially after the breakup, I didn't want to be more of a dick than I already felt I was) However given me, Jess, and my ex's history, I could see why Jess would probably feel the way she felt, even though I practically spent every waking moment with her. She never stated how she felt directly but I know that's what her problem is and that's why she keeps me at distance. I just always wanted her to come to me and be direct about the situation. I know the type of person she is and she doesn't really like confronting situations head on so she never talked to me. She just begin acting out. For instance, when I thought things were cool after she knew I still talked to my ex, she begin seeing someone else and acting brand new towards me. It hurt me so it naturally changed the way I behaved around her. We stopped talking for a few days then talked a bit later after the situation and told each other that we missed each other. We never talked about things even though I wanted to. I just didn't know what to say. We just kind of hoped things would blow over. Only they didn't blow completely over. We haven't hung out as a couple recently and I can tell that what happened between us still bothers her because she was still giving smart remarks about my ex a few days ago when we were hanging out with our close friends. That wasn't the first time she did something like that. She seems to give smart remarks everytime we are altogether. During a tiff over the weekend while everyone was at my house, Jess gave a smart remark about my ex and I fired back saying "I can't believe I left my ex for you". She sounded shocked and stated that she never knew I did that. Things however still escalated and I told her I didn't care about her anymore. I excused myself and cried a bit and she knew because our friend told her in hopes that we would talk and work things out. The next day she tried to tell me that I hurt her and I asked her if I should care. Given the circumstance of what she did at the time, i didn't feel as though I should care because I just responded to frustration she caused at the time. But, The truth is I honestly do care and I know she cares too but things are just getting so hectic between us. We went to a party the following day and she tried to talk again but I really didn't have anything to say because I was still upset. We haven't talked since the weekend and when I seen her yesterday, she act like she didn't want to be bothered with me, but still mentioned that we were cool to another one of our friends. The fact that we never sat down and talked about things just created so much tension. The more time that goes on, the more awkward it gets, the further we drift apart, and the more it is killing me because I truly love this girl and just don't know what to do at this point because i don't even know where to begin. I want to turn over a new leaf and get things back to how they were. Or at least get my friend back if she doesn't want a romantic relationship with me any longer. How can I make a peace offering with her when things just seem so blown out of proportion from a misunderstanding ? Edited October 2, 2013 by chin1107
flight E Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 If she is your friend there must have been a time wen u guys spoke honestly to each other. If you are sure she has feelings 4 u call her out somewhere quiet and talk to her lik a man. Don't act lik a wuss it kills Attraction. Just talk to her and control the gist so it does not end in a quarrel. Am sure you will be fine 1
Author chin1107 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Yeah you are right... I know thats what I should do, but where should I begin? I've never had to do this before. Should I take her out and talk to her or is that too much? Edited October 2, 2013 by chin1107
flight E Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Depends. u know this girl better. Whatever you know she will be comfortable with. Do it
lylat333 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Should I take her out and talk to her or is that too much? imo you should at least apologize for being insensitive. Maybe someone with more experience can come in and help more with where to proceed from here. My 2 cents is you saying, "I can't believe I left my ex for you" is pretty rough, man, even if you said it in the heat of the moment. That's not something an emotionally healthy person gets over overnight, if ever. She was weak from that and tried to talk to you at the party the following day (was this just this past weekend?) and you shut her down again. If I were her I'd be more concerned than ever of you and your ex. You drift away a little while and you see you "truly love her"... I dunno I'm just a little skeptical. I went through something similar with my ex. We hit a bump early on and didn't talk for a while, and after being apart not even for a week I started freaking out. I cared about her and may have even believed I loved her but in my case I was also really concerned she was going to rebound w/ another guy and I'd be curious if you're worried about something similar. My advice is take it very, very slow. You may feel like you are ready to jump right back to where things were but after hurting her, know she may not be on the same page as you. Probably best to give her plenty of space and also time to collect herself. If emotions are still running high and you get together to talk it probably won't be very productive. 1
Author chin1107 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 (edited) I do love her and I didn't want her to rebound with someone else. but she has made it clear that she has already rebounded. It's rough what I said but it doesn't compare to half of the words that came out of her mouth. I felt that was the least I can say to not feel like a chump. (And yea, it happened this past weekend.) I just want to be the bigger person in this situation and apologize on my end for any pain I caused. I would love to pick up where we left off but that doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. I do want to apologize and let her know the truth about things so when we all hang out, it's not awkward. Our friendship is more important to me. I just called her to see if she wanted to meet up and talk. She already has plans and said she'd rather talk over the phone instead of face to face. So i asked her was she upset with me? She got annoyed and said "No. we aren't doing this tonight." And said she'll call when she was free tomorrow. I asked her was she sure. She just said "yup" and hung up the phone. So it seems she probably wont call me. And I'm back where I started. Edited October 3, 2013 by chin1107
flight E Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Ok then. Though it's hard you have no chioce but to wait till she calls
lylat333 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I do love her and I didn't want her to rebound with someone else. but she has made it clear that she has already rebounded. It's rough what I said but it doesn't compare to half of the words that came out of her mouth. I felt that was the least I can say to not feel like a chump. (And yea, it happened this past weekend.) I just want to be the bigger person in this situation and apologize on my end for any pain I caused. I would love to pick up where we left off but that doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. I do want to apologize and let her know the truth about things so when we all hang out, it's not awkward. Our friendship is more important to me. I just called her to see if she wanted to meet up and talk. She already has plans and said she'd rather talk over the phone instead of face to face. So i asked her was she upset with me? She got annoyed and said "No. we aren't doing this tonight." And said she'll call when she was free tomorrow. I asked her was she sure. She just said "yup" and hung up the phone. So it seems she probably wont call me. And I'm back where I started. Sorry to hear, man. I understand you don't want to drag her into the mud but I'll take your word for it she said some uncalled for stuff. My frank opinion is this isn't fit grounds for a relationship, it's a battle of ego and a power struggle at this point. You're both hurt from the other's actions yet you want to be validated by each other. If you haven't done so already, when the opportunity arises I think you will be the bigger man by offering a genuine apology. That is worthy of respect and should make things more favorable for you. If she doesn't call you back, don't get sucked into the game playing, don't worry about whether or not she's upset with you. If you start to fall into this trap she's going to do it more and more and jerk your feelings around and then you will be a chump. Once you've apologized and forgiven yourself, the closure comes from within, not from her. If this continues to devolve I think your energies will be much better spent holding out for someone you can have a fresh start with. The immature party-driven drama is for the birds.
Author chin1107 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Interesting enough, you are right. I'm not putting my energy into this anymore. It's stressful and unhealthy for me. Especially because at this point, I feel like she's now intentionally trying to jerk me around. I'm going to apologize and let that be that. We can remain friends. She's a great girl but we clash emotionally. and if she'd rather run off with someone else then talk to me and find out the truth then I'm better off. I love her and I want what's best for her and if I'm not it, then so be it. If for some reason life allows us to come together for whatever reason under different circumstances then I may consider. But now, it's too stressful and emotional trying to deal with it. So I'ts best I let it go and accept things for what they are. Thanks for your advice man. You really gave me an eye opener.
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