nodakguy Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 Quick question that requires a little background. I had a brief (~month) relationship with a gal that started out absolutely awesome, for both of us. She started getting a little distant the last couple weeks. She's terribly stressed about not being able to find a job, professional school loans looming, and also, I've recently discovered dealing with an "ex" that lied to and cheated on her. She broke it off with him in August, but he apparently is still invading her life. About a month in, we had a "talk" where she explained the ex situation a little better for me and told me she needed some space. It's been almost a month, and we've kept in touch to some degree. I did write her a rather lengthy letter explaining that I cared for her, expressed my understanding and willingness to be patient, and left it for her about a week and a half ago. It had a lot of stuff to "digest", and she informed me today via email that that's where she's at with it right now. I worried that giving it to her was intruding on the space she wanted, and somewhat regret doing it. But I also wanted her to know that I understand all of the things she's dealing with right now. So ... here's my question. Her birthday is in a little over a week. I'd like to send her a small arrangement of flowers as a simple gesture to brighten her day a little. But I'm also worried that might not be such a good idea. Any input in the next few days to help me make a decision would really be appreciated. Thanks!!!
hurtingandconfused Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 You were probably the rebound. If anything send her a bday card. However, don't expect anything other than a thank you in return.
tanbark813 Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 So let's see... * You dated this girl a month. * She may or may not be seeing her ex right now. * She wants space from you. * You sent her a long letter that you think may have been a mistake. Sounds like you're beating a dead horse. Save the money you would have spent on flowers and go get somethin' purdy for yourself.
Dakini Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I swear, I just read the first chapter of this book not five minutes ago. So as a new and enthusiastic student, I must pass on the knowledge. So here it is: she's just not that into you.
Author nodakguy Posted November 30, 2004 Author Posted November 30, 2004 *I've considered the "rebound" scenario. I also think she got surprised that the rebound was more than she expected and got scared/overwhelmed. *I'm quite certain she's not seeing the "ex" anymore. He's on the other side of the country, and one of the reasons she left there from what I have heard. *She may very well not be "that into me", but I also know how hurt she was/is from the last relationship, and just not emotionally available. I've been there, and know how that feels. *My long letter was something I'd told her I might write sometime the night we had our "talk". And it was partly in reply to a long email she'd sent me. She knew I'd written it and said she wanted to read it. *The card might be a reasonable compromise, and not quite so intrusive ... or frickin expensive!!! Hmmm ... good points to consider so far. I'll take 'em under advisement.
Author nodakguy Posted December 12, 2004 Author Posted December 12, 2004 Hmmm ... OK, update time. Been doing NC since the letter got dropped off. Opted against flowers or card, but sent a very brief email on the B-day ... that stretched out the suspense so she had to scroll down the page to discover it was a simple "Happy Birthday" at the bottom. I got a reply within an hour that was yes, a "thank you", but a very sincere one ('thank you' repeated 4 times). Correspondence has picked up ever so slightly since then, just email, and we've kept it casual/lighthearted/funny. Sticking to my guns on keeping as quiet as possible, but I did happen to get an invitation from her to take me "out for a bite" when she's in town soon. That's what I'll take it as, nothing more, and keep it fun. Hopeful, ... but realistic from all of the insight I've gained here. Anybody got a perspective????
Author nodakguy Posted December 12, 2004 Author Posted December 12, 2004 Is there any way to move this to the "Dating" forum? We haven't really been bf/gf per se (much to my dismay!), but it did feel like we "broke up" so I posted this here. Buehler, Bueler ... anyone? P.S. Merin - I've been VERY impressed with your insight on various matters. Any on this one?
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