Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I’m just curious if since I also had an affair. You as a WS ever regret having your affair. Did your BS give you a chance to reconcile and did you accept it or just move on. If you could go back would you can anything?
ladydesigner Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) I’m just curious if since I also had an affair. You as a WS ever regret having your affair. Did your BS give you a chance to reconcile and did you accept it or just move on. If you could go back would you can anything? I absolutely regret the A. I am a fMOW who had a revenge affair (still an A in my eyes) after I first caught my WH cheating. My WH/BS did give me a chance to reconcile as I did him. I have accepted my A as one of the worst things I have done in my life not only to myself but to my family. If I could go back in time I would have never entertained the thought. I wish I had better coping skills at the time I discovered my WH's first A. Could have gone to therapy then, but didn't. If I could go back I would have got myself into therapy then and not have gotten into an A. Edited October 2, 2013 by ladydesigner 2
Cali408 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Yes, because of the hurt I caused to my wife and how hard it is mentally/emotionally to get over. The addiction is a nightmare. All the logic in the world doesn't make sense when you're caught up in it. I wish I had met her when I was single. She would be my girlfriend for a year or two and I would break up with her. I know that logically. But in an EM, that curiosity is piqued and you wonder if you're missing out not being with her. This missed up my head for awhile. The fog causes you to miss the wonderful reality of the world. For the last few years, I have trouble remembering some thing in my life, but I can vividly remember details of the affair. Fortunately i am in a good place now and making myself focus on reality instead of fantasizing of someone that although I love, wouldn't want over the long haul
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 I absolutely regret the A. I am a fMOW who had a revenge affair (still an A in my eyes) after I first caught my WH cheating. My WH/BS did give me a chance to reconcile as I did him. I have accepted my A as one of the worst things I have done in my life not only to myself but to my family. If I could go back in time I would have never entertained the thought. I wish I had better coping skills at the time I discovered my WH's first A. Could have gone to therapy then, but didn't. If I could go back I would have got myself into therapy then and not have gotten into an A. Are you still with your husband now? If so is your marriage better now or is it about the same as pre affair. If it better what changed to make it better.
ladydesigner Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Are you still with your husband now? If so is your marriage better now or is it about the same as pre affair. If it better what changed to make it better. Yes I am with my WH now. We have been dealing with the fallout from his last A and have both been through hell and back. Divorce has been put on the table many times by both of us. We have both had IC and a little MC and both of us have read infidelity books. Our M was good pre-A until the kids were born then my WH lost it with having to be responsible. That's when our problems started. Our M is better now. I think we appreciate what we have now and are trying not to focus too much on the negatives of the past. I am 19 months out from DDay (my WH's 2nd or 3rd A?) and am just now getting to a point of acceptance. I honestly couldn't tell you specifically why it changed for the better. I think we both want this M to work and that has been the driving force and reconnecting with my WH has been incredible. It's like I am having an A with my WH. We don't want to repeat our mistakes or go through that kind of heartache and drama ever again. Our motto now is to communicate first, even our attraction to another person.
Recommended Posts