AutumnMoon Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Seems that when I describe the affair I must come across a very cold person. I'm not, in daily life you would never pick me out as someone having an affair. I'm an emotional open arms kind of woman to those who I am attached too, I don't attach easily though. I'm affectionate to my husband, I am a full time mom and business owner, I love my friends, I love my AP. I can detach from my feelings sometimes, but not all the time. I get sad. I cry about this. I'm not totally detached, but I'm learning to balance it and I'm in an affair that will end one day but I have no intention to end it soon. I can't be the only person to be able to compartmentalize or detach. I've never said the affair I'm in is ONLY about sex.. Far from it, but it's professed to a place where it is MOSTLY about sex. That's to protect my feelings. Edited October 2, 2013 by AutumnMoon
Goodbye Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Seems that when I describe the affair I must come across a very cold person. I'm not, in daily life you would never pick me out as someone having an affair. I'm an emotional open arms kind of woman to those who I am attached too, I don't attach easily though. I'm affectionate to my husband, I am a full time mom and business owner, I love my friends, I love my AP. I can detach from my feelings sometimes, but not all the time. I get sad. I cry about this. I'm not totally detached, but I'm learning to balance it and I'm in an affair that will end one day but I have no intention to end it soon. I can't be the only person to be able to compartmentalize or detach. I've never said the affair I'm in is ONLY about sex.. Far from it, but it's professed to a place where it is MOSTLY about sex. That's to protect my feelings. Of course you are not the only one who can compartmentalize. Funny, I think of that as more a masculine thing...perhaps that is sexist thinking on my own part. While a lot of what you describe seems "typical," I guess the thing that makes it different and a little more alarming is your professed love for your husband, your said affection with husband, and your statement that you do not intend to end the affair any time soon. It just seems harsh. Maybe you are just more honest than most, not sure...but it seems brutal. I don't understand how you say you love and desire your H but also show little motivation to be truthful with him and/or end the affair.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Of course you are not the only one who can compartmentalize. Funny, I think of that as more a masculine thing...perhaps that is sexist thinking on my own part. While a lot of what you describe seems "typical," I guess the thing that makes it different and a little more alarming is your professed love for your husband, your said affection with husband, and your statement that you do not intend to end the affair any time soon. It just seems harsh. Maybe you are just more honest than most, not sure...but it seems brutal. I don't understand how you say you love and desire your H but also show little motivation to be truthful with him and/or end the affair. Ah, I've been told I think like a man most of my life. Not only that but when I read here about MM trying to keep OW at arms length and people advising the OW that the MM is doing that because he doesn't care.. I see myself.. And I keep the affair at arms length because I DO care. And I assume a lot of MM are doing the same thing. I'm sure many of them are using their OM/OW for just sex, but a lot of them have real feelings too. They can just detach easier. The kinds of love I feel for the two men are very different. If I'd met MM before we had met our spouses we would be the ones together, we both know that, but we didn't, we made commitments to other people, had kids and we do love our spouses. Our relationship would be explosive though.. Not as easy going as the ones we're in, I'm thinking that just based on our 'go big or go home' personalities We sexually and emotionally desire each other more than our spouses, but still love and desire them but in a very different way. If I was to learn my marriage would never ever change and I couldn't get fulfillment elsewhere, I would leave.. But when the kids are grown, not now. Edited October 2, 2013 by AutumnMoon
Lightglowabove Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Seems that when I describe the affair I must come across a very cold person. I'm not, in daily life you would never pick me out as someone having an affair. I'm an emotional open arms kind of woman to those who I am attached too, I don't attach easily though. I'm affectionate to my husband, I am a full time mom and business owner, I love my friends, I love my AP. I can detach from my feelings sometimes, but not all the time. I get sad. I cry about this. I'm not totally detached, but I'm learning to balance it and I'm in an affair that will end one day but I have no intention to end it soon. I can't be the only person to be able to compartmentalize or detach. I've never said the affair I'm in is ONLY about sex.. Far from it, but it's professed to a place where it is MOSTLY about sex. That's to protect my feelings. I can definitely relate to this. I believe I compartmentalize my affair also and I have strong emotions that go along with it. Do you see your MM often? We live about 100 miles away from each other so we certainly are not together every week. Have you ever talked about being together in the future? Just curious...
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