ditbitw Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Hi all I hope you can help as i'm in a bit of a predicament. I was in a long term relationship for over 5 years and i recently started an affair with a colleague at work that became quite intense and it's been going on for about 4 months. I know i have done wrong and i'm not here to justify my behaviour but the guilt i felt has been terrible anyway. 6 weeks ago the girl of the affair fell pregnant. Until then everything had been fine, sure we had argued a few times but the passion was all there. As soon as i found out about her being pregnant i finished with my ex which was an emotional breakup however we have been living with each other for a long time so we are currently going through the process of splitting our things etc and paying the final few months of rent on our flat. I have been living in other accommodation since. Since the girl became pregnant we have done nothing but argue. Her mood swings have been terrible and she has played hot and cold with me. Also, we have been back and forth on whether to keep or terminate the pregnancy in which she decided in the end to terminate which is due to happen in the next few days. She knows that im not happy about it but i am so intensely in to her (one-itus) i have agreed and played along the lines that it's the best thing to do. The thing is that recently she has been getting quite cold towards me and sex has dwindled to nearly nothing and i sense no passion in her kisses towards me although when speaking about it she says that she still only wants me and is not looking for anyone else and says its all because of the hormones and sick feeling she has but thinks that once the termination is over she will be fine. As she is quite younger than me ive had to deal with allot of game playing to keep her interest level high but feel im really losing her now. A game i played with her last night when taking her home was to say it was ok she went home because i had to go and talk to my ex (which wasnt true), she asked me what for but i just ignored the question. Today she went to dr to get appointment for the abortion and i went to pick her up from drs and ive been displaying myself in a good mood and all ok about everything but at the last moment when i dropped her off at work she gave me her cheek to kiss when saying bye. This has never happened before... Is this really that she doesnt like me anymore but is just keeping it going for support whilst she prepares for the termination and then later to tell me she isnt interested anymore or is it something else? I really need help here to determine whether its really over and we're just dragging our feet along? Please help people Ditbitw
Philosoraptor Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Selfish much? She is going to terminate your child and all you can think about is "does she like me?". You cheated on your ex while still living with her, got another woman pregnant, played games with her the night before she went for an abortion... You sir are disgusting, a manipulator, cheat, and a user. Do the dating population a favor and stay single until you've fixed yourself. Please seek counseling and figure out how to exist in a healthy relationship dynamic. 2
TigerCub Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Selfish much? She is going to terminate your child and all you can think about is "does she like me?". You cheated on your ex while still living with her, got another woman pregnant, played games with her the night before she went for an abortion... You sir are disgusting, a manipulator, cheat, and a user. Do the dating population a favor and stay single until you've fixed yourself. Please seek counseling and figure out how to exist in a healthy relationship dynamic. Wowza! I always liked Raptor's replies and I always always though - 'we kinda thing alike, but he says things in a much nicer way than I do'...hehe, this time the gloves were off Not a word of it was false. Philosoraptor you so wise :love:
Author ditbitw Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 I couldn't agree more and admit that i have been selfish. I havent gone in to detail about the agony that ive been through about her terminating the pregnancy but against all my pleas she has decided to go through with it and there is absolutely nothing more i can do... Allot of peoples posts here will miss out many of the horrible things that they may have done to lead them to where they are now, i just tried to give my honest description of the events that led to the situation rather than exclude the unpleasant bits from the post so that peoples replies would be as honest as possible...i guess i got what i deserve I know ive done bad and have been a coward but hope that im correcting that now even if too late
TigerCub Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) I couldn't agree more and admit that i have been selfish. I havent gone in to detail about the agony that ive been through about her terminating the pregnancy but against all my pleas she has decided to go through with it and there is absolutely nothing more i can do... Allot of peoples posts here will miss out many of the horrible things that they may have done to lead them to where they are now, i just tried to give my honest description of the events that led to the situation rather than exclude the unpleasant bits from the post so that peoples replies would be as honest as possible...i guess i got what i deserve I know ive done bad and have been a coward but hope that im correcting that now even if too late How are you trying to correct it? What are you trying to correct? So far, I see game play and lies. You can't even be honest with her about what you're feeling, what your thoughts on keeping the baby were, what you meant to give her in the future. Instead you told her you're going to see your ex. (in an attempt to game play and make her jealous) You acted happy after the abortion, so what the hell is your game plan here? Is this you trying to correct your mistakes? Or are you so used to lying that you just can't stop, even now? Edited October 2, 2013 by TigerCub
soccerrprp Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Ugh. So sad. She has gone through something incredibly emotionally and physically wrenching. She may not love nor like you right now, but that's understandable. I don't know why she decided not to have the baby or why you both didn't use proper protection, but she certainly didn't feel confident enough to have this baby with YOU and/or she simply didn't feel ready to have one now. I'm assuming that the girl new of your relationship with your now ex? Perhaps she saw that there was no way she could have a LT relationship with someone who was willing to cheat. Perhaps SHE never thought that the two of you would be together. I'd not be surprised if she was now planning an exit.
giblesp Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You got a young woman pregnant, and you're playing games with her head. You can stop playing those games right now. You're a grown man, not an insecure child. Man up, look after the girl you got pregnant. Go and APOLOGIZE to her. Don't cheat. Use condoms. You know, simple stuff like that. And don't mind screw women, especially when they're pregnant and are having an abortion. If you want to change for the better you can, but you're going to have to take action on it without delay.
Eleanore Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Wow, what a sad story. What's even sadder is that it's well known that relationships often break up after an abortion. Something about terminating the life you made together makes it never the same after that. It's never too late to make things right. If I were you, I'd say a quick prayer asking God to help me do the right thing. Then I'd tell her you're sorry for putting her in this situation and for playing games with her, and let her know that you'll support her in the pregnancy if she'll keep the baby. There are so many couples out there who dearly want babies to love and can't have them. Maybe adoption could be an option for you guys. At any rate, I'll say a quick prayer for you and for her! Good luck.
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