calndn Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I find myself back here...surprise surprise. Finally got over my ex and about a year later a friend I met at Uni gets back in touch with me it's been a little while since I've seen him so we meet up and it ends up turning into seeing him again and chatting and spending a bit of time together over the next two months. He was keen, calling me up, asking me out and sending me photos whilst he was on his holiday. Always asking my opinion on things, generally ok. He wasn't making too much effort date wise but for me it was fairly relaxed and chilled with no drama. It was him asking to meet me etc. Then after I see him and stay at his one time he's texting me the next day all fine. Then boom that week, I text him later in the week asking how he is, he takes a few days to reply, now this boy does take a day to reply sometimes, which is fine, so I went with it then after a few exchanges I ask if he's around on the weekend and if he is maybe we could do something. I get no response for three days by this time the weekend is obviously over. So I leave it until the end of the week to reply asking if he's out on the weekend and how is he. He replied telling me where he'd been out that night and that he'd hoped I'd had a good night. I'm getting the message so I don't reply. A week later I bump into him on my night out, things were ok we chatted then I made my excuses and left him to it wishing him a good night. Obviously nothing since. He's done the typical disappearing act/gone quiet. What I don't get is he was keen calling me up then in the space of a few days it's like he flips! I saw him on a dating site which is known to be a bit of a hookup site and I know he loves a good night out and probably hooks up with girls when out but what I don't get is why date me then just flip the switch? Why not just have hooked up and left it if that's what he's after. I'm guessing he's a typical cake and eat it guy. I just don't get why he was keen and made me think it was potentially going somewhere then poof pulled the rug from under my feet? Argh!!! Why do men do this! And seriously not even a 'sorry I just can't do this' it's just plain rude especially as we do have a base of a friendship (of some sorts). :-(
candie13 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 He had what he wanted and he got lost. He added a few texts here and there to mislead you and also to look less bad. Not in front of you, in front of himself. Guys don't want look like the bad guys. It's just... one of those things... that didn't work out... aka for you: they lost interest. I know very little guys who say to themselves :"I'm gonna lead on this girl, make her feel extra special and show an high interest until I sleep with her, then I will get lost." It simply happens. And they act on it. The reality is, once they do have sex, unless the interest was real, they have already moved on. Sex, when there is no intellectual or/and emotional connection, is the final act, the one before the disappearing one. As opposed to the beginning of a relationship - as most women hope. Sure, ideally, they would tell you how things really are, but very few people - men and women - are being honest or straightforward. They don't owe you anything. In addition to that, you get all your answers from their behavior: if a guy really likes a girl and just had sex with her, will he wait for 7 days to text her? If sex was absolutely mindblowing, will he not try to see her again and never have sex with her again? I guess not. So your role is to handpick those guys with whom you feel there is a connection, a real connection, not just those you like. Anyway, him disappearing doesn't necessarily make him the bad guy. It's how things work. Don't beat yourself up, keep your eyes open for the next time.
Author calndn Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 It wasn't just the once we had sex, he didn't do the disappearing straight after the first time, we had sex on a fair number of occasions. But I guess the same rule applies in that he still got what he wanted. But on a number of occasions. Then when it was getting too much he bailed? Strange though as it did seem more than just that but I guess my judgement was wrong?
candie13 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Don't beat yourself up. Maybe you did the right things, girl and he simply lost interest. Unfortunately, you can never tell if that connection is real or if he is faking it, you need to take your time. Unfortunately, our own sexual needs, chemistry, is blinding us as to the reality - and only us, not our partner, as well. In time, you realize it. If it's just sex and it stays just sex, though out your dating period - no curiosity about you, no time with you, no interest about how you spend your time or your hobbies outside the bed... you got your answer. The bummer here is that you were friends, so you had a basis of a knowledge of each other. Unfortunately, he needs to see you as a date, as a romantic partner, he needs to change his perspective of you. Having sex straight away, only because you used to be friends won't do that... Creating a connection with a people takes time. If it ever happens... I think men are honest, in that regard. They will continue to pursue those with who've they've had more than just sex... most of the times, anyway .
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