bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) So, I just started dating someone new, we met online a month ago, and exchanged reams of emails every day, the first time we talked on the phone it lasted from 10pm until 7.30am, and we ended up having phone sex. (Not something I'd ordinarily be interested in but it was good). He's often says things along the lines of how he's been having a bad year and I'm a ray of sunshine in his life, and a lot of general compliments about my personality and looks. When we met for the first time we spent the whole weekend together and we made plans for the future as if we're a couple, he also gave me a beautiful piece of artwork for my flat which was completely unexpected, HOWEVER... On the first meeting he was 3 HOURS late to the date. We were supposed to meet at 7.30, when he texted to say how he's running late because of family problems and he'd be there at 9. It was more like 10.15 that he turned up, by which time I pissed off and just felt like taking my dress and make-up off and going to bed. However, I did accept his apology and we carried on with the evening. He said he's last-minute and scatty with everything and everyone. I said that I had a low tolerance for tardiness, and if it had been anyone else I would have waited an hour at most and then told him to stick it. Anyway, this 'scattiness' is creeping into everything, so I'd like other people's input... If I text him during the day he takes hours to reply. He never phones me in daylight hours or even in the evening, it's always at 11.30/midnight, or later. He keeps promising to reply to my emails, but the replies don't come. Yet at the same time when we talk on the phone he talks to me as if I'm his cherished girlfriend and makes plans for the future. If I phone him he never answers, but rings me hours later. Last night I phoned him at 10pm, he didn't answer, then phoned me back at 3.15am! I didn't answer out of annoyance. Are some men just useless at this stuff and need training up (he's inexperienced) or is it totally obvious I'm being played and used for booty calls? Edited October 2, 2013 by bumpyroad typo
candie13 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 booty call. Most likely married... sorry, girl ! learn from you mistakes: limit as much as possible time chatting and set up dates. I'm not doing OLD but my best friend is. She said that the purpose of chatting is to eliminate creeps, douchebags and men interested in booty calls only. If he appears to be normal and gets in contact when he said he would, set up a date asap. In daylight. Cheers 6
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Booty call. "Are some men just useless at this stuff and need training up (he's inexperienced) or is it obvious I'm being played and used for booty calls?" Where the hell do women get these ideas "trained up"...whoever it is needs to be "taken out" to sleep with the fishes. Some guys....inexperienced guys, feel they need to swoon/charm you in order to have access to your vagina...not realizing you'd settle for much worse treatment...still stick around and try to "figure it out" and "give things a chance". 2
Els Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 'Tardiness' in the sense of 10 or 15 minutes could maybe be excusable depending on the person. But 3 hours and no major emergency??? You should have left before he arrived, girl. 3
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Thank you. I knew as much. I'm going to ask him suddenly and straight out tonight why he's doing this, and watch him squirm. Urgh, men. (Though this is probably partly my fault for putting out so easily )
soccerrprp Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 ...or is it totally obvious I'm being played and used for booty calls? This. He is seeing other women, or he's in a relationship OR he's married.
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) This. He is seeing other women, or he's in a relationship OR he's married. Yep, that's what I'd been thinking, but then why make plans for the future? Answer: booty, of course. I'm sick of this dating crap. Edited October 2, 2013 by bumpyroad added a bit.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Yep, that's what I'd been thinking, but then why make plans for the future? Answer: booty, of course. I'm sick of this dating crap. Men do and say what they often think they have to....women want men to act like the men in the movies, so there you go...some do, except instead of getting the man at the end of the movie you end up alone and jaded. And then you take a break, then the next guy comes along...rinse and repeat, until one finally sticks around. When men speak in the moment...particularly while taking in that new car fresh smell, you probably shouldn't invest too much thought or emotion into that...just a tip. 2
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Men do and say what they often think they have to....women want men to act like the men in the movies, so there you go...some do, except instead of getting the man at the end of the movie you end up alone and jaded. And then you take a break, then the next guy comes along...rinse and repeat, until one finally sticks around. When men speak in the moment...particularly while taking in that new car fresh smell, you probably shouldn't invest too much thought or emotion into that...just a tip. Absolutely right, and thank you.
soccerrprp Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Yep, that's what I'd been thinking, but then why make plans for the future? Answer: booty, of course. I'm sick of this dating crap. Yup, men know that women like the "future plans" talk. Gets them nearly every time.... I feel for you women, in general. But I still believe, of course, that there are good, decent guys out there. It won't be easy. 1
TigerCub Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Yeah, 1 more vote for 'He's married'. Also, you'd wait 1 hour for people that you're meeting, and you made a special exception and waited 3 hours for this doofus? really? Man, I wait 20 minutes, then send the 'where are you text' - if the reply isn't, I'm 5 minutes away, or walking through the door, or something like that I leave. I don't care who it is. And especially to wait so long for a date - f**k! I think only friends get the 30 minute benefit of the doubt, and only if it's a once in a blue moon, s**t happens occasion. wow - 3 hrs... I'm still amazed by that. 5
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Yeah, 1 more vote for 'He's married'. Also, you'd wait 1 hour for people that you're meeting, and you made a special exception and waited 3 hours for this doofus? really? Man, I wait 20 minutes, then send the 'where are you text' - if the reply isn't, I'm 5 minutes away, or walking through the door, or something like that I leave. I don't care who it is. And especially to wait so long for a date - f**k! I think only friends get the 30 minute benefit of the doubt, and only if it's a once in a blue moon, s**t happens occasion. wow - 3 hrs... I'm still amazed by that. Yeah, I know, but he did text me just before we were due to meet to say he'd be about 1.5/2 hours late due to a family problem (said his uncle died). But he was still 1 hour and 15 mins late after that. If he'd given me no notice at all of being late, I'd have given him maybe an hour tops then told him to shove it. Also, it's not like I was waiting outdoors somewhere for 3 hours, I didn't leave my place until he texted me to say he'd arrived (he lives a 2 hours drive from me). But yeah, he's a doofus, I'm dumping him tonight. Edited October 2, 2013 by bumpyroad typo 1
TigerCub Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Yeah, I know, but he did text me just before we were due to meet to say he'd be about 2 hours late due to a family problem (said his uncle died). But he was still 1 hour and 15 mins late after that. If he'd given me no notice at all of being late, I'd have given him maybe an hour tops then told him to shove it. Also, it's not like I was waiting outdoors somewhere for 3 hours, I didn't leave my place until he texted me to say he'd arrived (he lives a 2 hours drive from me). But yeah, he's a doofus, I'm dumping him tonight. Yeah but if his uncle died, why didn't you just say 'Oh, I'm sorry, maybe we should do this another night?' Oh well, it's done. And yeah waiting at home is much better than waiting in public for so long. I get that. Good luck with dumping him, he's a doofus, so savor the moment
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Yeah but if his uncle died, why didn't you just say 'Oh, I'm sorry, maybe we should do this another night?' Oh well, it's done. And yeah waiting at home is much better than waiting in public for so long. I get that. Good luck with dumping him, he's a doofus, so savor the moment I did suggest another night, he wanted to go ahead, just that he'd be late. Also, that he was driving a long way made me think he was genuine. Oh, I don't know. I won't savour it, I hate this kind of thing, but thanks for making me laugh. Edited October 2, 2013 by bumpyroad 1
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Yeah but if his uncle died, why didn't you just say 'Oh, I'm sorry, maybe we should do this another night?' Oh well, it's done. And yeah waiting at home is much better than waiting in public for so long. I get that. Good luck with dumping him, he's a doofus, so savor the moment I did suggest another night, he wanted to go ahead, just that he'd be late. Also, that he was driving a long way made me think he was being genuine. Oh, I don't know. I won't savour it, I hate this kind of thing, but thanks for making me laugh.
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) His uncle died? Seems like my dog ate my homework or my grandma died excuse from kindergarden. Who goes on a date when their uncle dies? [You just cancel it] Even if you are not close, you probably can do a lot of logistic work, as a guy in the family. No offense but you must have known this - somewhere deep down - all along. This is just too obvious of a case. Yeah, 'dog ate my homework' type excuse was my initial reaction. But these things can happen so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to question him carefully him on a few things tonight, I'll be smart about it then dump him. God knows why people waste other people's time like this, blegh. Edited October 2, 2013 by bumpyroad missed a bit
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Hmm, I've just done some Google snooping, and he's not married. He told me he lives with his parents and brother, and it checks out. (There's a UK site 192.com, that shows the ages of people in a given residence, it shows two people in their 60s, his parents, him, and his brother). Could of course be in a relationship though.
soccerrprp Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Hmm, I've just done some Google snooping, and he's not married. He told me he lives with his parents and brother, and it checks out. (There's a UK site 192.com, that shows the ages of people in a given residence, it shows two people in their 60s, his parents, him, and his brother). Could of course be in a relationship though. Whoa! Have I been living under a rock lately? Do we in the USA have something equivalent to 192.com? Even the number of residents in a household seems too much information.
Copelandsanity Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 My first inclination would also be that he's married, in a relationship, or seeing multiple women at once. That being said, I actually behave similarly to this guy, but not to the point he has (3 hours late, only contact at night). That's poor etiquette. I will take a long time before responding via text/phone if I feel that it's not urgent. And sometimes when things come up, I will let the other party know I'm late but I'll lose track of time and be later than I initially indicated. It's not a personal thing; it's more of the fact that I'm an introvert. I hate talking and communicating via phone; the only times I feel okay initiating contact is to make plans or speak about an important issue. I also prefer focusing 100% on one thing, rather than multiple things at once.
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Whoa! Have I been living under a rock lately? Do we in the USA have something equivalent to 192.com? Even the number of residents in a household seems too much information. Indeed, I find 192.com uncomfortable as I've got an unusual name, the site takes the info from the Electoral Roll which you have to be on to vote, or to claim benefits. All you need is the person's first and surname, and their town/city and they come straight up in Google - their middle name (if they have one), the street name, all the current residents of said property, their full names and ages. Apparently you can remove yourself from it from it but I don't know how. Going back to the guy in question - he's emailed me and texted me this afternoon, which he hasn't done since I spent the night with him. Rather weird, almost as if he senses he's being talked about. I'm still sure I'm being messed around. Edited October 2, 2013 by bumpyroad typo
NoMoreJerks Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Does that site actually work? It's a paid site, no? It's not a scam or anything? I've always wondered about those sorts of sites.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Whoa! Have I been living under a rock lately? Do we in the USA have something equivalent to 192.com? Even the number of residents in a household seems too much information. I guess here in canada and the U.S., we're bigger on privacy. but i think there might be sites that offer that kind of information for a fee?
Author bumpyroad Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Does that site actually work? It's a paid site, no? It's not a scam or anything? I've always wondered about those sorts of sites. No, it's not a scam at all, it's a major UK site, the info I described comes up free. If you want to buy credits you can see other info too, like if they're a company director you can see stuff about insolvency/bankrupcy.
candie13 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 If you wanna be extra sure, keep the next days in daylight, early. See how he's reacting.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 No, it's not a scam at all, it's a major UK site, the info I described comes up free. If you want to buy credits you can see other info too, like if they're a company director you can see stuff about insolvency/bankrupcy. Ah yeah, I saw that. Although the age range is not accurate. I tried it on my ex as well as his parents , the age range does not seem accurate, but the "other occupants" appears to be correct for his parents (his mom's name is included as an occupant under his dad's name ).
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