how can i get him to move his stuff out?? or should i throw it out??

[faithfully]

Hi all,

 

Me and my ex rented a 3 bedroom apartment which I paid for and still pay for even whist he were still together. We have now split up but his things are still in my apartment. I have started the NC and on day 4, Ive deleted his numbers, email add, deactivated my facebook account. He was meant to collect his stuff weekend gone 28/sept but got too drunk and claimed his friend spiked him as to why he didn't come get his thing. Because I am determined to not break the NC rule. I am now stuck as to what I can do??

 

He still has the keys to my apartment and want it back which I told him before starting this NC. I feel like he is delaying things as he is the one that broke up with me and all I want to do is just move on and heal without seeing his things. what would you guys do?? BIN IT OR WAIT TILL HE GETS IN TOUCH?? PLEASE BEAR IN MIND HE STILL HAS THE KEYS TO THE APPARTMENT.

 

THANKS

[petall]

Ask a mutual friend to hand over the stuff and collect the keys.

 

 

If no mutual friend, send a one line text or email with fixed day for collection and firmly stating that if not collected, will be binned. Change locks.

[skydiveaddict]

put his stuff on the street with a "free" sign on it.

[headinthecloud]

put his stuff on the street with a "free" sign on it.

 

I disagree with skydiveaddict. Better to give him an opportunity first to collect his things. Give him one more weekend, then if by Sunday night he still hasn't picked up his things and returned the key, then donate it.

 

Invite friends over Sunday for a party and pack his things for him then. Time to focus that energy on you but try to be respectful.

[faithfully]

Thanks guys,

 

I think this idiot ex is tryna get me to say its ok I will drop it off. WHICH AM NOT, LOL!!! HEADINTHECLOUDS- I have given him 2 weeks to come get his things and return my keys but he keeps coming up with excuses (getting drunk every weekend). its just pissing me off coz I wanna move on but not gonna contact. the things of his are like bed, tables and chairs, dressing tables and clothes, shoes.

 

There no use to me, I don't need nor want them. DO YOU THINK HE IS TRYNA HOLD ON TO ME BY NOT COLLECTING HIS THINGS??

[headinthecloud]

[quote=faithfully;

There no use to me, I don't need nor want them. DO YOU THINK HE IS TRYNA HOLD ON TO ME BY NOT COLLECTING HIS THINGS??

 

I think he's irresponsible and immature. I would still give him 1 more weekend, especially given it's large furniture. You're still setting the deadline, not him.

 

You're emotional right now, you're allowed to be angry. But be reasonable. You're not talking about a couple of boxes. I would send him a text and an email with the exact same message that you've given him 3 weeks to move his things and that you're donating them if he doesn't come by noon on Sunday.

 

You must give him notice or you could be libel for property damages. Protect yourself.

[faithfully]

THANKS headinthecloub,

 

I will give him 1 more chance to come and get his thing and wait and see if he initiate contact but doubt it as he is VERY STUBBORN. but I WILL NOT BREAK MY NC. will make space in the downstairs room and leave it all there for him to collect. HE is more than welcome to get his thing, all I want is to move on and get myself together again.

[hotpotato]

I guess I'm different but I dont see what's bad about breaking nc to give stuff back. Tell him to come get his stuff ASAP. You dont have to have a conversaiton. Keep it short.

[faithfully]

am scared to make contact about getting his stuff even though I want it moved and my keys back. am scared if I break the NC he will then ignore me and has the upper hand. I want his things gone so my new flatmate can move her stuff in and give her the spare keys. what would you text without letting him know he is getting to me??

[GorillaTheater]

am scared to make contact about getting his stuff even though I want it moved and my keys back. am scared if I break the NC he will then ignore me and has the upper hand. I want his things gone so my new flatmate can move her stuff in and give her the spare keys. what would you text without letting him know he is getting to me??

 

Put it in writing (I suggest an email) and keep it completely neutral and business-like:

 

"I have asked you repeatedly to remove your belongings from my home, and you have failed to do so. This is my final notice to you that if you do not remove your belongings by __________, I will dispose of your belongings in any way I see fit, including throwing those items away. Please contact me as soon as possible so that we can arrange a mutally agreeable time for you to come by to get them."

[cif]

"if you do not pick up your things, they will be donated on sunday oct.6...this is your 3rd and final warning"

 

keep a copy of the text/email in case he comes later

change your locks you don't know he doesn't have copies

[faithfully]

just an update- my new flat mate came to drop her things off and asked about the keys told her he still has them, so she rang him and he didn't answer, so she texted him and he replied.

 

does this mean I have broken my NC Rule even tho I didn't ring him nor texted???