ltomlinson81 Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 My ex and I have been broken-up for about 3 months. We are on good terms and are working on saving our friendship. I dated another guy a week after I broke up with my ex with no problems. I dated him for about a month and then lost interest. I have also kissed 2 more guys since then with no problems. Now, I am supposed to go out with this new guy tonight. I want to cancel. I am not excited to go whatsoever. Am I just not interested in this guy? Or am I not over my ex / not ready? Am I subconsciously holding on to hope with my ex? I feel like if I was interested, I would be somewhat excited to go.
snipit3172 Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 i dont think its anything to do with your ex cos if you got together with someone so soon after splitting up then your feelings must not of been that strong for him maybe you just dont like this person
moon Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I don't think you should assume it has nothing to do with your ex like the above poster said. I think things hit people at different times. Dating somebody one week after your break up is too soon. Now I know this because I have had a few break ups and NEVER have I ever attempted to date anybody until at least a few months afterwards. There are stages of grief that you must go through. I think they are denial, anger, acceptance. If you just move on to acceptance in one week.....then that's too soon in my opinion. If you went out with your ex for a substantial amount of time and loved him. I do admire people who can just carry on, but I have seen some friends do this and more often than not these next relationships just can't unfold naturally because they haven't dealt with the past properly. I had a few rebound relationships after an ex and I broke up a number of years ago. I was wanting to get back together with the guy (at least on a subconscious level), but he didn't seem to be pursuing me. We went back and forth about should we get back together, etc. This was maybe three months after our break up. I finally took up with another guy and dated him for two months. I realized in the beginning of this new relationship that there was a thrill to it. The guy was very good looking and I was thinking I am moving on.....I can date this guy with no problems. After about a month the thrill was sort of gone. I started looking backwards. I was thinking constantly about my ex, comparing and realized that even though this new guy wasn't so bad, that I just wasn't ready to deal with the new relationship and make it real (as opposed to just a thrill rebound). We carried on for another month and then ended it. You know it was so easy to get over the guy I went out with for a few months. You know why? Because my heart was totally full with my love for my other ex. When the new guy and I said goodbye....I thought about it for maybe a day or two and then I didn't think about it again. I obviously didn't have any real feelings for the guy. It almost wasn't fair to him. Anyway, so I might think to yourself if you do in fact have some real feelings for your ex and don't fool yourself into believing that just because you could date somebody a week later that you really could have had a real relationship with that next guy (or anybody) until you really deal with your feelings about your ex and put the relationship behind you for good.....or whatever you (or your ex) want to happen. Good luck.
Troubled Heart Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 I agree with Moon. You have to give yourself time to grieve. It's only human. I just broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. Other guys can sense that I'm single now, except I have no desire to see anyone else just yet. I have to deal with complete closure. Best of luck.
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