Girlfriend broke up with me, wanting to get her a gift..

[thetinmansam]

This means youre insecure. You move past it by being a guy, "sacking up", and moving forward. You dont need ANYONE in your life. You would LIKE to have someone sure, but this "void" will be filled by you...not anyone else.

 

I would agree with this, I am insecure. But I don't know why? I can look my best, and have all the money I need, yet I'll still find some issue with my body, or how people won't want to get to know me..

 

I have been depressed for about 7 years (deep state of depression..) and I don't understand why. I put my happiness in HER hands because I didn't have a choice. I have tried working on myself, but nothing works for me.. It's so frustrating some times.

 

Being alone is also one of my greatest fears in life. I just want someone NOW is all..

[Fufu]

That's just it, the reasoning behind each breakup has been different every time. It's almost like she comes up with excuses in her head caused by her disease to push me away.. I guess this is one of the driving forces behind why I continue to pursue. I don't know what she's doing exactly..

 

Your ex has some medical issues?

 

I'm curious are you the type that likes to go for something you can't easily get? I'm just guessing.

[Fufu]

I would agree with this, I am insecure. But I don't know why? I can look my best, and have all the money I need, yet I'll still find some issue with my body, or how people won't want to get to know me..

 

I have been depressed for about 7 years (deep state of depression..) and I don't understand why. I put my happiness in HER hands because I didn't have a choice. I have tried working on myself, but nothing works for me.. It's so frustrating some times.

 

Being alone is also one of my greatest fears in life. I just want someone NOW is all..

 

Ahh, now I kinda get it. I think in someway, depression can really change someone's mindset. Don't put your happiness in her hands, she doesn't own you and you don't owe your life to her. You are far better than giving away your happiness to another person. If you want someone now, how about finding your friends for hang out for some drinks?

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not sure I buy this story. Assuming this is real and not a troll, the OP seems controlling and manipulative and the opposite of a caring individual. He's way too concerned with material things because maybe he doesn't really have anything else going for him. I don't know, but all I've read is about money and looks. And also the fact that he's in "love" with her and not for one second respecting the fact that she isn't in love with him. He doesn't care about her feelings -- his feelings, his money, his pleasure, that's all that seems to matter.

 

The OP reminds me of the "Nice Guys" who try to be friends with girls to worm their way into romantic relationships with them, then blame the girl when she doesn't play along with his BS facade. Instead of using "niceness", he uses money though. Here's a hint bro -- women don't like to be treated as commodities. They aren't a cut of meat that you buy at the grocery store or a set of rims you buy for your vehicle. That's not to say that gifts are a bad thing -- a woman (or a man) appreciates gifts for generosity. But you have to work your way up gradually. $2000 to a woman within a month of dating her doesn't make her think you care -- it makes her think that you see her as an object. Your gifts didn't make her feel good -- it made her feel like you were trying to buy her at an auction. And honestly, the old saying of people using money to overcompensate for other things, well, there's quite a bit of truth to that. I'm guessing you emptied your wallet because you feel you have nothing else going for you. And eventually, she agreed with you.

 

Honestly, I think this girl deserves some credit. She could have bled your dumb ass dry but she decided to save you from yourself and just leave the situation. She didn't feel comfortable being bought, so she got out of dodge. She realized that you are all style and no substance and bailed. Before contacting her, you might want to work on developing your non-monetary skills. Because I'm sorry dude, it doesn't seem like there's much under the surface from your posting. Work on developing something besides a big bank account. Whether it's basic social skills, confidence, a personality, knowledge of the world so you can become well-spoken on different subjects, the ability to truly empathize with others instead of trying to "fix" (you shouldn't be fixing anyone, you have your own issues) or buy them, I don't know.

 

As for the girl, if you really "love" her, leave her be and let life take its course. As for other women in the future, take them out for coffee and talk to them. Take a walk in the park. Have a drink or two. Go to a fair. Cook dinner at your apartment/house. Take her out bowling or to miniature golf. All of those things are affordable and show the "real" you more than throwing money at them. Who knows, they might actually want to pay for you occasionally because they value your company.

 

As far as the idea of sending her cash, that's one of the most grabasstically awful ideas I've ever heard of and reminds me of this classic scene from Seinfeld.

 

Seinfeld - the relationship - YouTube

Edited October 3, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[Philosoraptor]

OP, I've read through every post here and it seems more than anything you have a need to save this girl, this is not love, this is the slang term "White Knight Syndrome".

 

Are you a "White Knight?"

Are you attracted to needy, damaged, or helpless people?

Do you feel like your love can heal your partner?

Are you overly involved in your partner's problems?

Are you hungry for constant reassurance in relationships?

Do you make excuses for your partner?

Do you try to "save" people from themselves?

 

I don't believe you love her nor know what love truly is. You love the idea of saving her and being her "best ever" more than you love her as a person. If she got to 100% mentally healthy you would lose interest as there would be nothing left to save. You've listed many issues with who she is mentally and put her on a graded scale lookswise, love does not do this. On top of this you have the inability to be alone, and mixed with this you're trying to make her need you in order to keep you in her life. If she sees you as her savior you won't have to worry about her leaving, as she will need you for your money and ability to help her emotionally.

 

Neither of you are capible of a healthy relationship right now. Some of that vast fortune would be well spent on counseling to deal with your insecurity and neediness, so that one day you can meet someone who you are able to have a healthy relationship with.

[thetinmansam]

Thank you all for the replies, I have learned a lot from this thread. I am starting to get the feeling God has taken her out of my life to help me become a better version of me, and to spend time with my family. I am going to start learning new things that interest me, and trying to become the man I'm supposed to be.

 

Maybe one day when our paths cross again we'll both be ready for one another. But as of right now, I think I need to work on myself, and my happiness. Depression sucks, but I can beat this. It all starts with accepting who I am, and what I can't change.

[thetinmansam]

Your ex has some medical issues?

 

I'm curious are you the type that likes to go for something you can't easily get? I'm just guessing.

 

I guess you could say that. I am the type of person who if I can't have something, I want it that much more..

[reddragon588]

Thank you all for the replies, I have learned a lot from this thread. I am starting to get the feeling God has taken her out of my life to help me become a better version of me, and to spend time with my family. I am going to start learning new things that interest me, and trying to become the man I'm supposed to be.

 

Maybe one day when our paths cross again we'll both be ready for one another. But as of right now, I think I need to work on myself, and my happiness. Depression sucks, but I can beat this. It all starts with accepting who I am, and what I can't change.

 

This is more like it.

 

Honestly, it's not to tear you down or insult you, but you've come across as shallow in this thread. You talk about how much you made, that you drive a Maserati... At the end of the day, it's a beautiful car, it goes extremely fast and I'd very much like to drive one someday... But at the same time... Its a freaking car! It doesn't define you, nor does the money you make.

 

What defines you is how you were able to get those things! No one cares what car you drive, but I bet a ton of people would like to hear about the businesses you started to be able to afford that. You had an idea, you created a business plan, you executed it.. That's what defines you! That's what people care about. Steve Jobs wasn't famous and admired because he was a billionaire.. He was famous for being an innovator, and a hard worker, someone who inspired others.

 

Think about what defines you. You seem to have a lot going for you- you are a student, you are an ambitious businessman... Match your attitude to that!

[thetinmansam]

This is more like it.

 

Honestly, it's not to tear you down or insult you, but you've come across as shallow in this thread. You talk about how much you made, that you drive a Maserati... At the end of the day, it's a beautiful car, it goes extremely fast and I'd very much like to drive one someday... But at the same time... Its a freaking car! It doesn't define you, nor does the money you make.

 

What defines you is how you were able to get those things! No one cares what car you drive, but I bet a ton of people would like to hear about the businesses you started to be able to afford that. You had an idea, you created a business plan, you executed it.. That's what defines you! That's what people care about. Steve Jobs wasn't famous and admired because he was a billionaire.. He was famous for being an innovator, and a hard worker, someone who inspired others.

 

Think about what defines you. You seem to have a lot going for you- you are a student, you are an ambitious businessman... Match your attitude to that!

 

I chuckled about the car part, haha! And you're exactly right! It's just a car.. Take it away from me and what do I have to offer? Me, myself and I.

 

Learning to accept who I am as a person, without all of my possessions is going to be the greatest step towards the next successful chapter in my life.

 

Am I going to miss the **** out of my ex? Yes..

 

Am I going to have rough days where I feel all hope is lost? Probably..

 

Am I in a position to do something about it all? Absolutely! And this is all I need to take charge of my life.

 

There are plenty of women out there, so I won't have one problem finding another.. But there is only one "ME," and without "ME" there is no "WE."

 

Discovering what I have to offer is imperative in starting something new. I will do it, I haven't got a choice.

[Fashiongal]

Why did she break up with you? Did you do something wrong and want to give her a gift to make up for it?

[thetinmansam]

Why did she break up with you? Did you do something wrong and want to give her a gift to make up for it?

 

She broke up with me because:

 

"I just don't want to be with you. I'm not happy within myself, so I am not happy with you."

 

Her exact words.

 

I wanted to give her a Christmas present.. $1,000 in cash so she can buy her and her family gifts.

[Fashiongal]

I personally wouldn't give her anything or even say merry christmas to her lol, but if you insist I wouldn't give her cash. I would buy her a piece of jewelry instead. The cash does come off a little weird. I don't think you are shallow at all. I just think you are using your money in the wrong way. It should make you feel good about yourself and not to impress others. I know where you are coming from. I have a new Mercedes and have always had nice cars and things but it won't make you happy in the end.

[reddragon588]

I personally wouldn't give her anything or even say merry christmas to her lol, but if you insist I wouldn't give her cash. I would buy her a piece of jewelry instead. The cash does come off a little weird. I don't think you are shallow at all. I just think you are using your money in the wrong way. It should make you feel good about yourself and not to impress others. I know where you are coming from. I have a new Mercedes and have always had nice cars and things but it won't make you happy in the end.

 

Don't give her anything at all.

 

If you want to take it to the most basic level, giving her a gift after she breaks up with you is rewarding her behavior. You are affirming her choice to break it off with you.

[Fashiongal]

I agree. I wouldn't give her anything.

[Antares]

Give her the gift she actually asked for; your complete disappearance from her life.

 

That's what she wants from you. Nothing else. It doesn't even cost a dime. DO THAT!

[thetinmansam]

I personally wouldn't give her anything or even say merry christmas to her lol, but if you insist I wouldn't give her cash. I would buy her a piece of jewelry instead. The cash does come off a little weird. I don't think you are shallow at all. I just think you are using your money in the wrong way. It should make you feel good about yourself and not to impress others. I know where you are coming from. I have a new Mercedes and have always had nice cars and things but it won't make you happy in the end.

 

Definitely agree money doesn't lead to happiness in the end. When I'm not cashing money from the bank (which is every other day) I get depressed, and feel like I'm broke. This shows the effect money has on me is only "temporary."

 

I guess I have always wanted to give her things that her parents just couldn't, or wasn't willing to provide for her. What girl wouldn't want someone to give them an unbelievable Christmas?

 

I mean, sure, I could go out here and buy her a new car, but that would definitely be outrageously stupid. I think $1,000 is sufficient for a gift - I will sleep on it.

 

I've been considering buying a new boat for next summer, but all I can think about is how she's not going to be there with me when we take it out.. Gahhhhhh!

[thetinmansam]

Give her the gift she actually asked for; your complete disappearance from her life.

 

That's what she wants from you. Nothing else. It doesn't even cost a dime. DO THAT!

 

I understand that's what she wants from me, but WHY? What the fu.ck have I done to cause her to push me away like this? NOTHING!

 

We talked about a future together, kids, trips, etc.. How does one talk about these things if they don't "care" about you? They don't...

[ponchsox]

My girlfriend of about a month or so broke up with me in September. It's been a little over a month since we've been separated, and she hasn't made contact with me in about a week. (prior to that was low contact over Facebook/phone..)

 

I won't go in to the details of the relationship, but long story short, we DIDN'T have sex.. Apparently she wanted to wait until she was married (bull crap, right?) and I respected her for that.

 

And also during the time we were together I spent about $2,000 on her, in a month's time. She not once asked me for anything, and this enabled me to buy her things without worrying about the possibility of being "used."

 

You would think if she was using me that she'd still be around, right? It would only make sense - so I continued to show gratitude.

 

Anyhow, the dilemma I'm facing is this.. I'm wanting to give her $1,000 in cash for Christmas - in a card that has a small letter implying I still think about her.. But I don't know what type of reaction I'll get from her, and it could ultimately be one big GIANT failure for getting her to realize I still care about her, and I can support her in every aspect.

 

What do you guys and gals feel I should do? The $1,000 will not hurt me or my bankroll whatsoever, so please do not use that to bias your decision.. And how do you feel she is going to react?

 

Even if she had a new boyfriend, I would still do this.. Why? To show her what I'm truly made of - I guess :/ And that I can offer her more than he can.

 

Please don't do that. It comes across as very desperate and sounds like an attempt to buy her back. It will make her more angry and confused if anything.

 

How about a Christmas card with a greeting written in it?

[CarrieT]

Wait a minute... Why are you back to this:

I think $1,000 is sufficient for a gift - I will sleep on it.

 

When yesterday, you were here:

Maybe one day when our paths cross again we'll both be ready for one another. But as of right now, I think I need to work on myself, and my happiness.

 

 

What happened to cause you to back-pedal?

[Antares]

I understand that's what she wants from me, but WHY? What the fu.ck have I done to cause her to push me away like this? NOTHING!

 

We talked about a future together, kids, trips, etc.. How does one talk about these things if they don't "care" about you? They don't...

 

It doesn't matter why. It doesn't. It could be any reason in the book. (Judging by your posts I'd say your controlling, needy, money-obsessed, savior duties changed her mind) But you wanna know what does matter? She chose!

 

Again, you put yourself in the Messiah role, and then play the victim. Stop it. Plenty of great guys get dumped. Being a good person, being good to her is not a auto-relationship touchdown. Being a good person is at the very least, the start of ... being a good person. You choose to be a good person, because it's who you are...not because you seek rewards from people.

 

She doesn't want to be with you. End of.

 

And, dude. You knew her for a few months, dated officially for 30 days, never had sex, gave her $2K in money and gifts, and you were already talking kids and future. That, to me, is pretty damn heavy. In the first 30 days you supposed to be getting to know each other. Personally. Physically. Romantically. Intimately. Rushing into conversations of this magnitude only cements the notion that you seek to control her, because you don't want to do the actual leg work of getting to know her. Or of earning her trust, her love. You rush to buy her 'stuff', to make her 'smile', but only to actually cheat the system.

 

And again, so what. Even if she did have those conversations with you...she didn't sign an oath. She didn't prick her thumb and in her own blood, sign away her future with you - a guy who she's known for a few months.

 

And even is she did all of that....guess what? She can change her mind. That's the effing beauty of being human. We can make up our minds, change them as we see fit. She wanted out. That's it.

[mtnbiker3000]

I understand that's what she wants from me, but WHY? What the fu.ck have I done to cause her to push me away like this? NOTHING!

 

We talked about a future together, kids, trips, etc.. How does one talk about these things if they don't "care" about you? They don't...

 

Dig around this forum for a while and notice how many people talk about this. It's called 'future faking'... Happens all the time. Sometimes intentional and sometimes more just a change of heart or less interest than first thought about someone.

[reddragon588]

Definitely agree money doesn't lead to happiness in the end. When I'm not cashing money from the bank (which is every other day) I get depressed, and feel like I'm broke. This shows the effect money has on me is only "temporary."

 

I guess I have always wanted to give her things that her parents just couldn't, or wasn't willing to provide for her. What girl wouldn't want someone to give them an unbelievable Christmas?

 

I mean, sure, I could go out here and buy her a new car, but that would definitely be outrageously stupid. I think $1,000 is sufficient for a gift - I will sleep on it.

 

I've been considering buying a new boat for next summer, but all I can think about is how she's not going to be there with me when we take it out.. Gahhhhhh!

 

You said earlier you don't live anywhere near the beach or even a lake or river, why are you buying a boat.

[RiceaRoni]

I understand that's what she wants from me, but WHY? What the fu.ck have I done to cause her to push me away like this? NOTHING!

 

We talked about a future together, kids, trips, etc.. How does one talk about these things if they don't "care" about you? They don't...

 

You have done something...you're trying to buy her love...that's why she's pushed you away.

 

She doesn't want to be bought. Period. I don't think any woman in her right mind would.

 

Get over yourself and accept the fact that you cannot buy a woman 's emotions or feelings.

 

A WOMAN CANNOT BE BOUGHT NO MATTER HOW MANY GIFTS OR AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU SHOWER HER WITH.

 

Take everything that's being said to you into consideration. Please.

 

And a ffuture with kids? In only 30 days if dating? that is way too far into the future. You only knew this woman a couple of months and dated her a month. I know I wouldn't be talking about kids and a future like that with my significant someone when I've only known him a month.

 

Please re read everything that has been said to you and understand what the people and myself here are trying to get through to you.

[Simon Phoenix]

I understand that's what she wants from me, but WHY? What the fu.ck have I done to cause her to push me away like this? NOTHING!

 

We talked about a future together, kids, trips, etc.. How does one talk about these things if they don't "care" about you? They don't...

 

Stop trying to rationalize the irrational. Once a breakup happens, everything that was said prior to the break is null and void. It doesn't matter if you "get" why she dumped you -- if she's not feeling it, she's not feeling it and she doesn't have to have a rational reason for doing it. And even if you did know the reason, it wouldn't help you one iota in getting her back.

 

And quit with the $1000 present idea. It's a douchey fu*king idea and makes you look like a tool.

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Frederickk? Is that you?