thetinmansam Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 My girlfriend of about a month or so broke up with me in September. It's been a little over a month since we've been separated, and she hasn't made contact with me in about a week. (prior to that was low contact over Facebook/phone..) I won't go in to the details of the relationship, but long story short, we DIDN'T have sex.. Apparently she wanted to wait until she was married (bull crap, right?) and I respected her for that. And also during the time we were together I spent about $2,000 on her, in a month's time. She not once asked me for anything, and this enabled me to buy her things without worrying about the possibility of being "used." You would think if she was using me that she'd still be around, right? It would only make sense - so I continued to show gratitude. Anyhow, the dilemma I'm facing is this.. I'm wanting to give her $1,000 in cash for Christmas - in a card that has a small letter implying I still think about her.. But I don't know what type of reaction I'll get from her, and it could ultimately be one big GIANT failure for getting her to realize I still care about her, and I can support her in every aspect. What do you guys and gals feel I should do? The $1,000 will not hurt me or my bankroll whatsoever, so please do not use that to bias your decision.. And how do you feel she is going to react? Even if she had a new boyfriend, I would still do this.. Why? To show her what I'm truly made of - I guess :/ And that I can offer her more than he can.
petall Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Ermm she ended things even though you were splashing cash on her. Why would you think giving her more would mean anything? If I were the girl, I would find things pretty intense and quite uncomfortable the fact you're spending so much on me. It's only been a month and I would not want to feel obligated to you or indebted in any way. If you really like this girl, work through what issues she's got. Talk to her. Don't give cash. It's pretty crass to be honest. 1
Author thetinmansam Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Ermm she ended things even though you were splashing cash on her. Why would you think giving her more would mean anything? If I were the girl, I would find things pretty intense and quite uncomfortable the fact you're spending so much on me. It's only been a month and I would not want to feel obligated to you or indebted in any way. If you really like this girl, work through what issues she's got. Talk to her. Don't give cash. It's pretty crass to be honest. Well she's done the SAME exact thing to all of her ex boyfriends. Basically this is a cycle for her, and I just figured I'd try a few things on her to see if it creates a "break-through" and allows her to see through the cash, and for what I really am. I treated her like a princess (which is bad early one, you get **** on..) and she still pushed me away. I'm not a bad-looking guy either.. I am fit, healthy, and consider myself quite well off for the age of 22. I was just hoping I could flatter her enough to make her remember me.. Like the gifts aren't already doing that, right? Hah.
faithfully Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 NO NO NO NO DO NOT BUY HER GIFT!!! OMG HELL NOOO. SOUNDS LIKE A GOLD DIGGER!! You are tryin to buy her love by showering her with gift. that's not the wayyy to go about it. I MADE THE SAME MISTAKE WITH MY EX BUYING HIM EVERYTHING TO KEEP HIM. you are only 22 like you said. you're still young in my eyes. you have time to find someone that will love and appreciate you wether your poor or not. GET HER NOTHING!! 3
Sneaky Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I’m sorry, dude but that sounds like a horrible idea. I actually have trouble wrapping my head around how you came up with it. There’s nothing romantic about giving a person a wad of money. I don’t think she used you but from what I gather I feel like you might think that she owes you. Why don’t you use the money to treat yourself to something instead? 1
HorseLuck Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Well she's done the SAME exact thing to all of her ex boyfriends. Basically this is a cycle for her, and I just figured I'd try a few things on her to see if it creates a "break-through" and allows her to see through the cash, and for what I really am. I treated her like a princess (which is bad early one, you get **** on..) and she still pushed me away. I'm not a bad-looking guy either.. I am fit, healthy, and consider myself quite well off for the age of 22. I was just hoping I could flatter her enough to make her remember me.. Like the gifts aren't already doing that, right? Hah. o__o I would consider you well off too since i'm around the age range and don't have the means to fund someone like that within that small time frame. How about you give it to me? Anyway, I'm not sure why you lavished her so early on..surely if you know she's done this to ex boyfriends you might be able to figure out the reasoning behind her actions..? Have they embellished her with luxuries (or generally speaking an accumulation of gifts) as well? Honestly I don't think it's going to have any effect. If I was in a relationship with someone and they took this course of action, it would make me feel a bit obligated, pressured and guilty.. as if they were coming on too strong and I would be on edge about it if there was to be a potential future. Clingy? Hiding something else? Insecure? I think it could be seen as a red flag on your behalf but i don't know the details here so I can't make a judgement call..something doesn't seem right. That doesn't show her what you're made of. It just appears as if you're trying to buy her off. She isn't a racetrack horse to bid on.. I sympathize because you seem genuine about it but.. You're better off making something for her that speaks your heart and soul. I'm serious. Or try a different approach other than gift-giving. Edited October 2, 2013 by HorseLuck
mammasita Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 You sound like you're trying to BUY her. TOTAL turn off. Stop flashing your bank roll around and how about you use your personality to win people over instead of gifts and money. 2
hotpotato Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Buying her gift after she dumped you = creepy & spineless 3
a0009 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 What do you guys and gals feel I should do? The $1,000 will not hurt me or my bankroll whatsoever, so please do not use that to bias your decision.. And how do you feel she is going to react? Even if she had a new boyfriend, I would still do this.. Why? To show her what I'm truly made of - I guess :/ And that I can offer her more than he can. DO NOT GIVE HER THE GIFT. Do not send her a card either, you will be a moron if you do that. She dumped you in a month of dating, she is not into you. In my opinion she wanted love and not money. work on yourself and do not spend cash to get a girlfriend. Use he $1000 and go out and treat yourself or with your closest friend and have a nice time . Send the card to any a girl who means something to you. If I was you I would donate the money to charity, atleast they will appreciate it. 1
Philosoraptor Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 This truly makes my head hurt. So in total you'll have given her $3000+ if you go through with this? $2000 for a month together and $1000 for dumping you? Do you enjoy being used or something? If you were truly special to her, and she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. It's not a cycle for her, she hasn't found anyone who makes her want to stop looking. But yea, I'm engaged to a beautiful woman.. and I'm not gay... but if you want to spend $2000 a month on me and there be no sex I can fit you into my schedule. 2
Chi townD Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Dude, you ARE being used and abused! But, she's not the one doing it! You're using yourself to try and BUY a girls affections. Giving her $1000 just because? and she fired you as a boyfriend? Tell you what...I'll IM you and you can send me that grand if you just want to be throwing money away! 2
Author thetinmansam Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 o__o I would consider you well off too since i'm around the age range and don't have the means to fund someone like that within that small time frame. How about you give it to me? Anyway, I'm not sure why you lavished her so early on..surely if you know she's done this to ex boyfriends you might be able to figure out the reasoning behind her actions..? Have they embellished her with luxuries (or generally speaking an accumulation of gifts) as well? Honestly I don't think it's going to have any effect. If I was in a relationship with someone and they took this course of action, it would make me feel a bit obligated, pressured and guilty.. as if they were coming on too strong and I would be on edge about it if there was to be a potential future. Clingy? Hiding something else? Insecure? I think it could be seen as a red flag on your behalf but i don't know the details here so I can't make a judgement call..something doesn't seem right. That doesn't show her what you're made of. It just appears as if you're trying to buy her off. She isn't a racetrack horse to bid on.. I sympathize because you seem genuine about it but.. You're better off making something for her that speaks your heart and soul. I'm serious. Or try a different approach other than gift-giving. Her other ex boyfriends are pieces of trash (not lying here whatsoever..) and don't even compare to one of my arse cheeks. But hey, I heard she has a thing for inferior men who will eventually abuse her deceit her... No, they cannot afford to splash her with money, and if they could, they certainly wouldn't do what I've done for her - I'd say it's quite rare to find a guy who has one stipulation after buying a $300 pair of sunglasses for his girlfriend (I just want you to smile when you wear them..) She would argue with her ex boyfriends over the smallest of things (gave her a cell phone to use and she argued over the fact I added money to it.. lol) like she did me.. Would push them away for no apparent reason whatsoever, so this is definitely a "cycle" for her. I guess you could call me a little "clingy," but it's not as weird as it may seem, as I basically just wanted to serve my beautiful girlfriend, not work my way towards an ulterior motive. This was a new experience for me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it, which is why it's so hard to let go. Look, I know it's retarded to send someone a wad of cash, and it's probably not the greatest course of action to take for getting an ex back, but I just don't know what else to do.. I'm so lost without my girl.
Author thetinmansam Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) This truly makes my head hurt. So in total you'll have given her $3000+ if you go through with this? $2000 for a month together and $1000 for dumping you? Do you enjoy being used or something? If you were truly special to her, and she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. It's not a cycle for her, she hasn't found anyone who makes her want to stop looking. But yea, I'm engaged to a beautiful woman.. and I'm not gay... but if you want to spend $2000 a month on me and there be no sex I can fit you into my schedule. She hasn't found anyone who makes her want to stop looking? Honestly my friend, I don't know what more she could be looking for... ? I don't mean to be a prick or anything, but she WILL NOT find another guy who's willing to treat her like a princess even after being **** on.. Who has the ability to support her at the age of 22 (still in college..) and who will love her unconditionally and accept EVERYTHING about her.. I did this, and it saddens me when I compare myself to the other scumbag ex's she dated in the past. And we are compatible as well. This is an integral part to a successful relationship.. Edited October 2, 2013 by thetinmansam
mammasita Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 You're stuck in LaLa land young man. She's just not that into you. 4
Philosoraptor Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 She hasn't found anyone who makes her want to stop looking? Honestly my friend, I don't know what more she could be looking for... ? I don't mean to be a prick or anything, but she WILL NOT find another guy who's willing to treat her like a princess even after being **** on.. Who has the ability to support her at the age of 22 (still in college..) and who will love her unconditionally and accept EVERYTHING about her.. I did this, and it saddens me when I compare myself to the other scumbag ex's she dated in the past. And we are compatible as well. This is an integral part to a successful relationship.. Ah, so all of this stems to your ego as you can't seem to understand why this woman doesn't want to be with you. She has the right to not be with you for any reason she wants to. Whether that be a huge incompatibility or that you wear Fruit of the Loom t-shirts rather than Hanes. Be grateful that she was honest and ended it rather than leading you on for years. Don't let her rejection throw your ego into a loop. You may be a great catch, but not the right catch for her. Accept it and move on to someone who appreciates all of you and wants to be with you. She does not. 2
RiceaRoni Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I wouldn't buy her a gift after she dumped you...no way. If you have to buy things to keep a woman from leaving you, she's totally not worth it and is considered a "gold digger" in today's society.. Dear...you're 22, still in school? An I correct? You're young and need to be paying for school expenses and other important things. Buying her a gift? Definite N-O. Have some more strength and forget this woman. 1
RiceaRoni Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I just read your post...dear lord man what are you thinking?! you wanna show a woman what you're worth? this, this right here...giving a woman $1000 who you were only with for a month and who left you after you spend $2000 in her...that's not showing her your worth or what you're made of. Have more respect for yourself dear. Spend that $1000 towards something nice for yourself and forget this chick. Or better yet maybe save it. Come on hun, get that head out of the clouds! 1
reddragon588 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 You've been broken up the same amount of time you were together... It's over. You were in the honeymoon phase with her still where she seems perfect and can do no wrong. Looking at this objectively from afar, I will tell you to run as far away as possible as fast as you can. A girl that would let you shower her with that kind of money has no respect for herself and more importantly no respect for you. She is the one who ended it with you. The final blame for this breakup falls on her. Therefore it is her responsibility to initiate a reconciliation. Don't send her the money. You can't buy people's emotions, and even if you could, this would be the wrong place to do it. 1
Author thetinmansam Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Ah, so all of this stems to your ego as you can't seem to understand why this woman doesn't want to be with you. She has the right to not be with you for any reason she wants to. Whether that be a huge incompatibility or that you wear Fruit of the Loom t-shirts rather than Hanes. Be grateful that she was honest and ended it rather than leading you on for years. Don't let her rejection throw your ego into a loop. You may be a great catch, but not the right catch for her. Accept it and move on to someone who appreciates all of you and wants to be with you. She does not. I guess that is true! She could have let me on for years, and broke my heart once it got even deeper, and I became more attached.. How much time would your recommend taking off before finding someone new?
Author thetinmansam Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 I wouldn't buy her a gift after she dumped you...no way. If you have to buy things to keep a woman from leaving you, she's totally not worth it and is considered a "gold digger" in today's society.. Dear...you're 22, still in school? An I correct? You're young and need to be paying for school expenses and other important things. Buying her a gift? Definite N-O. Have some more strength and forget this woman. Yes, still in school, and I already have all of my schooling paid for. I will regain my strength one day.. But I am deeply hurt over this whole situation to say the least.. And I'm scared to go out and find someone new, as it may happen again. I love her.. I really do. Why can't she just love me?
RiceaRoni Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I guess that is true! She could have let me on for years, and broke my heart once it got even deeper, and I became more attached.. How much time would your recommend taking off before finding someone new? Yep. Totally true. IMO since it was only a month I say not very long... But since you practically threw cash at a girl who took all you gave her and then left.. I say take some to figure out your worth and what kind of women you actually do want to be with...especially those who won't leave you so quickly and take the time to actually be with you and learn to love you. Don't spend cash on a girl like that so generously... it's how you get taken advantage of... Not saying to be totally stingy either, but I've never met a guy who spent $2000 in one month on a girl he just started dating for a little while....maybe after a couple of years, but certainly not a month. 1
RiceaRoni Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Yes, still in school, and I already have all of my schooling paid for. I will regain my strength one day.. But I am deeply hurt over this whole situation to say the least.. And I'm scared to go out and find someone new, as it may happen again. I love her.. I really do. Why can't she just love me? Ah I see. But still...$2000 is greatly generous. People (even women) can and would take advantage of that.. It's okay to be hurt...it's understandable. And don't be scared about finding someone new, just keep in mind next time around maybe, possibly, not to spend that much money on a women you begin to date that early. My dear...you are infatuated...not in love. At least that's MO. Love is not leaving someone after they spend $2000 on them, and love isn't buying people things or giving them money just so they'd stick around and not leave.. Take some time to yourself and ponder and learn from this lesson. You're gonna be fine (: stay strong.
Author thetinmansam Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Yep. Totally true. IMO since it was only a month I say not very long... But since you practically threw cash at a girl who took all you gave her and then left.. I say take some to figure out your worth and what kind of women you actually do want to be with...especially those who won't leave you so quickly and take the time to actually be with you and learn to love you. Don't spend cash on a girl like that so generously... it's how you get taken advantage of... Not saying to be totally stingy either, but I've never met a guy who spent $2000 in one month on a girl he just started dating for a little while....maybe after a couple of years, but certainly not a month. And don't you feel this makes me "special?" And maybe a "great catch?" A lot of people told me I'm the real-life Forrest Gump, even though I'm not semi-retarded like he was :/ But from a relationship aspect, I am Forrest Gump.. I miss my Jenny..
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