Found out my husband has been cheating. Preparing for divorce but so torn apart..

[Latte]

Thank you for the replies.

I have continued to just really think about what I need to do. Honestly, knowing my personality, if there weren't my babies in the picture the answer would have been a lot simpler...

 

I have arranged meeting with a counselor to just talk things through, and my family is still being very supportive as well as the relative who is letting me stay her her place. I don't know if I am ready to tell his family yet, or be prepared to take in their reaction.. My parents say they think the in-laws will probably get angry but for the most part will try to convince me to stay. That's what they have seen with most parents whose kids were the WS. Or even take his side or minimize it. Again, what they have seen. What a mess..

 

I guess what I meant by stupid is, I know I wasn't stupid in how I handled finding out, but just the fact that I was being all nice and trusting and these two were sneaking around behind my back makes me feel the worst. I can't explain this except that I just feel so stupid and embarrassed.

 

Spark1111, yes exactly. When I talked to the OW she mentioned being in one abusive relationship after another and how that made her vulnerable and lonely and that she liked married men were more willing to provide her with the sex and good stuff and the no-strings benefits, but not the commitment single guys would expect. What??

 

Oh I didn't mention this, because the main problem is my husband, but I wanted to share the details of what the OW told me when we talked. She told me my husband was also not the only one, there were other married men she was seeing simultaneously; this to show what she and my husband were having was nothing serious so please don't worry. What?? As opposed to them being seriously in love? Honestly I don't know if that is supposed to make me feel better, the thing I care about is the fact that he CHEATED. Serious or not, short or long, OW having multiple partners or not, my husband cheated.

 

One thing for sure. See why I rushed first thing to get checked for STD's?

 

I still can't wrap my head around this. I just can't understand how people can be so irresponsible and selfish, no matter how lonely or vulnerable they are. I can understand perhaps being flattered or having thoughts cross one's mind, but to actually cross the line? Not some one night stand either but for months? My husband didn't even have the excuse of lonely or vulnerable. He says things were fine, he just couldn't help the physical attraction.

 

I have been letting my four year old see him; he comes to the relative's and while seeing her he keeps begging me to come back and reconcile, but I still can't find it in my mind to go back home right now.

 

It's going to take some really long and hard thinking. Thank you again for all the replies. I will certainly let you know what I decide to do. Writing here has truly been therapeutic.

[lollipopspot]

My husband didn't even have the excuse of lonely or vulnerable. He says things were fine, he just couldn't help the physical attraction.

 

His reasoning is harder for me to wrap my mind around than cheating in a troubled marriage. It seems so greedy - everything is going fine, but you want even more, even though it's likely to be catastrophic if people find out.

 

It also makes me think that this kind of guy can never be trusted, because you can be pleasing him at home, the marriage can be just fine, but someone else can catch his eye and he's showing you that he doesn't want to control himself. At least with a lot of affairs both partners are aware that there's trouble before it happens.

[Dreamworld]

His reasoning is harder for me to wrap my mind around than cheating in a troubled marriage. It seems so greedy - everything is going fine, but you want even more, even though it's likely to be catastrophic if people find out.

 

It also makes me think that this kind of guy can never be trusted, because you can be pleasing him at home, the marriage can be just fine, but someone else can catch his eye and he's showing you that he doesn't want to control himself. At least with a lot of affairs both partners are aware that there's trouble before it happens.

 

Or maybe he is still lying to his wife and trying to majorly downplay the whole thing, making it seem as if some Super Seductress took a hold of his senses and if it weren't for her everything would have just been fine. But I think there are definitely men who cheat even when they are in very happy marriages and it has nothing at all to do with the wife. Which really sucks big time for her. I agree that these guys are the worst, and from what I have seen they seem to be the ones who have multiple affairs for the longest of times because their wives never suspect since everything is so great at home.

[Ruffian1]

((Latte))

 

I don't have any grand words of wisdom for you. I understand completely the torture you are feeling. The injustice is staggering.

 

Only you will know eventually if you have it in you to forgive and R.

It's a risk.

 

Just wanted you to see another perspective, that's all.

I am sure you are hungry for any info pertaining to this A crap.

 

Chump Lady ? Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life