skylightdami Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Hello everyone Before I start my post, I just want to try and explain myself a little and say that doing something like this is quite difficult for me. I've never felt the need to seek someone's help but in order for me to move forward I think I should ask more often. In a nutshell, I am a 23 years old male and currently in a LDR for 2 years with a girl that's pretty much halfway across the world. My core issue is that I think I attach myself too much to whoever I'm in love / in a relationship with. My current girlfriend is doing her postgraduate degree right now and aside from the time difference, she seems to have little or no time to spare with me. On most days I feel neglected, rejected and end up in a spiral of depression. The thing is, I realise this myself and I just can't bring myself up to change it. My fears include the fact that I currently don't have a degree thus not being able to live up to any untold expectations from her. It also includes the common fear that she could have other people interested in her and..yeah, you get the picture. I plan to expatriate early next year, not just because of her, but for my own ambitions. For the past year, I've worked in retail in an environment where I have to constantly jump through hoops and please my superiors. Add that to the fact that I have a younger sister who is also getting married soon. Getting pressured from friends and family about not working on my own marriage is not a nice situation at all. These things, amongst others is driving me to a state where I want to give up. What I want is my old self back. I used to be so full of life, optimistic, confident and happy. Now I'm a shell of that person and I want to fix it before I lose my mind. As I've been writing this, I realise most of my issues somewhat revolve around my girlfriend. How can I turn this into a healthier relationship from my end?
Philosoraptor Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I must ask first, have you met this girl or has this been a strictly online LDR? It's fine to let others make you happy, but you can't rely on all of your happiness from one person. Your issue though seems to stem from a lack of self esteem. Validation from her, or anyone else, will not truly make you secure. You need to find security in who you are and your direction in life. Take the bull by the horns and find comfort and acceptance in all of the choices you have made. And know that if you truly want to make a change, you have the power to do so.
Author skylightdami Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 The latter. Thank you for response and words of advice. The funny thing is, I've been telling myself something similar for ages yet I find it much easier to digest when someone else is saying it. I seem to attach too much importance to another person and I've gotta work on this. With regards to my Self-Esteem and me seeking validation, both points were spot on. Thank you, it's helped a lot
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