Lost at the moment.

[Orije]

Hey guys sorry if i wrote alot, i dont know if you read my other posts, but there has been alot going on with me and the girl i used to date. I am down to the point where i am lost on what to do next. This girl pays attentions only to her studies while i have been trying to keep the relationship together. I came up with surprises, got her things and said the sweetest things to make her happy but when it came down to it she pushed me as a friend until all of her studies are done which won't be until january. I have dated this girl for 5 months and in the 5 months i have only seen her a few times and we talked on the phone at night alot. My parents and friends noticed i was trying for her but she was too set on to getting into college and getting good great. Im not saying its a bad thing for her but to me it was kind of painful. I was always trying to help her out in school. It came down to her treating me just like a friend, even though she says she likes me and wants to try dating again in january, i dont know. We dont ever talk in the day because when i try to call her, she is busy doing school work and when i call at night she is able to talk but falls straight asleep. It went on for 3 days where i heard nothing from her like a text or nothing and i knew she was on social networks. I always told her i will stay by her side, but its really tough and im always told to move onto someone who respects my feelings. We talked about the governent shutting down and midway in conversation she told me why are we having this convo? That she could be doing her studies than talk about something that i dont know much about and she already knows and it was pointless. that blew my fuse. i told her i will wait to date again, but now that idk if i can continue cause i feel no chemistry and connection. Im too nice to be the guy to walk away and stop contacting her because if we went a few days without talking, i would try to call her. I'm not really too sure on what i have to do now. For now i guess im going to either sit here and wait until january to start things again or grow something and leave. breaking friendships encluding her because i am her first boyfriend. I dont wanna be that guy who breaks her heart and ruins her life. its tough on the road im going down. My parents told me it will be worse when she is in college because she will be away from me and could pay attention to studies again instead of me. Some encouragement or advice will be nice guys! sorry for writing so much!

[pasta noodle]

I'm going to be honest here: based on what you wrote, it sounds like she's not very invested in the relationship/friendship right now. If she was, even with her devotion to school, she would put more effort into talking and spending time with you.

 

It sounds like you may not be very interested, either. You said there's "no chemistry and connection." Don't be worried you'll "break her heart and ruin her life" if you break up with her. You might break her heart, but you certainly won't ruin her life; people move on and get over breakups as time goes on. Trying not to hurt her is NOT a good reason to maintain a relationship with somebody--it's not fair to yourself or to her, and you'll both get hurt anyway.

 

If you do still want to try again with her, you need to talk seriously about the relationship and see if she's on the same page as you. Talk to her about these insecurities and go from there.

[Orije]

Alright i see. So it has been about a few days since i had any contact atall with her and immediately she starts texting and contacting me again and asks to hang out. I dont know how to really feel about this because i have been wanting to hang with her but she pushes it away and now she is willing to hang out and talk. Its weird and i dont know what to do cause i would love to hang out with her, but i feel if i do i would get attached again and she will push me away or become extremely busy as she has been