Bubberfly Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 So, my fiance and I of six years are breaking up, I guess. I don't even know. He hasn't officially told me he wants to break up. We did have a fight (per my previous posts) but nothing official was said about a break up. His personality around me has done a complete 180, I haven't been sure what to make of it. We've been through hard times in the past, but we've just fallen apart within the last week. Three days ago, I asked him simple questions... I told him no matter what the answer is I will accept it and understand. I told him I love him and I always will. I'm willing to work things out with him, whatever they may be. I asked him... Yes or no, do you want to be with me? Yes or no, do you want me in your life? Yes or no, do you love me? These questions through him into the deep end. He screamed "I DON'T KNOW!" He's moved into a different room. He hasn't said two words to me since. Every night now he leaves at 8 or so and comes home at midnight (unusual for him). My normal fiance was pretty devoted, he spent much time at home and he wasn't a partier. Now he's going out every single night? He's getting texts all the time. He won't even look at me. It seems the more I try to communicate, the more agitated he ges. He's making this so uncomfortable, and I can't understand why he can't even tell me he wants to break up. I'm looking for my own place, it feels pretty obvious he doesn't want me around. But why won't he TELL me? Instead he says nothing and I feel like I have no closure. Has anyone else had a long term relationship end like this?
eleve82 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 In a word, yes, tho not quite in exactly the same manner. When a guy starts telling you he "doesn't know" in response to any question that relates to the relationship, it's time to take large and decisive steps AWAY from him. Pressure to commit to an answer only yields the worst possible outcome. Give him more than enough space that he needs, and if he doesn't come after you when you start walking away, never look back. 2
headinthecloud Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I' sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you when you so desperately want to communicate and he has closed himself off to you. I read a post from a relationship columnist that shared her experience with her then fiancée who had a very similar situation to you where he was cold and distant all of sudden. She sat down with him one day and told him this: "I completely understand how you're feeling at the moment - disengaged and distrustful. I'm truly sorry that we find ourselves here. I love you, and I want you to take as much time as you need. But while you’re deciding what to do, you can’t have me all to yourself." It's one perspective. Sounds like he's having difficulty coping with something in his life and it may not necessarily be you but the frustration in his voice in evident. I would stay with friends or family for a while to give him space, plus it's an opportunity for you to take care of yourself.
Author Bubberfly Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Thank you for your responses. I've been staying out as much as I can, and leaving him alone when he is home. I'm already looking into moving somewhere else. It's a shame he's done this, throwing away such a long relationship all of a sudden. I've been nice to him when I see him, I don't force conversation. Just smile and say hi. He still doesn't respond. It's like a stranger in the house
Author Bubberfly Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Hmm. So I've been working as much overtime as I can lately, and I go home yesterday after an incredibly long day. He's not home but he's been nice enough to start packing all of my stuff from one of the rooms, and labeling the boxes with my last name. I got the hint. :rolls eyes: I still wish he'd at least speak to me *sigh*
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