mbee Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) So I've been seeing this guy I'm REALLY into for the last month. He lives right next to me so we see each other a few times a week and spend maybe close to 10 hours physically together every week. Again, we live right next to each other. Anyway, I'm the type who likes to go out, explore and have fun. He expressed when we first met that he's been wanting to do that, so that's how the dating began. Anyway, we've only had 2 dates where we actually did something fun that involved going outside. We have not been physically intimate yet, but all the dates he suggests involve watching movies at his place. I've invited him to the aquarium (he canceled because he was sick), then to a comedy show with my friends that he even bought a ticket for (he canceled an hour beforehand) and we were supposed to go to the zoo and gardens this weekend. We had been planning this for 3 weeks! And lo and behold, of course his parents are magically visiting him this weekend. I'm not sure if this is bad luck or a weird pattern. We did go out in public 3 times, but the first time was a first date, the 2nd time was his idea and the 3rd time I practically had to push him into it and it was just going to the movies! Outside of that he's great. He texts me everyday, does invite me over to his place regularly (again not physically intimate), does sweet things for me, but every time I make plans in advance that involve doing something fun, he ends up canceling. 90% of our hangouts is him randomly texting me asking me to come over, have dinner and watch TV and a movie with him. And that's okay since we are neighbors but I need to do something fun. It's starting to get really frustrating since I'm the type who gets bored with just watching movies at home. How do I handle this? Are these big red flags that this guy isn't all that into me to be canceling excursions like this, especially last minute? Edited October 2, 2013 by mbee
deathandtaxes Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Don't say yes the next time he randomly asks you to come hang out. **** these games.
MalachiX Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Hmmm...my guess is that he's trying to get some kind of friends with benefits thing going with you. If he really wanted to date, I doubt he would flake out so much. He may also just want to be friends and not romantic which is why he's avoiding pre-planned things. Or...could be gay. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 He either just wants a free f*ck / low maintenance casual arrangement , or is too cheap / doesn't have the money to go out so wants to hang out at his/your place. Not sure which is better, frankly. If you're OK with the latter, then go for it, I guess. But it's likely it's the former since I am sure these events you've been asking him out to, do not involve spending a sh*tload of money.
MalachiX Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I also tend to doubt the cheap thing if he bought a ticket to the comedy show. If he's just trying to be friends, that would explain why he's avoiding more "official" stuff and why you guys havn't done anything yet on dates. If he's looking for an f-buddy that would also explain being flaky. He could be looking to do casual things in the hopes you guys will casually hook up but so he has an out if you get attached by saying you were never really dating. He could also be playing with you as one of those stupid tricks that both genders do thinking it will help them with a partner (the don't be too available stuff they tell everyone on dating websites). I think you just might wanna ask him if he just wants to stay friends or is interested in more. At least then you can stop second guessing things. 1
Author mbee Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Thanks everyone! Yes, we just started kissing a few days ago and he tries to take it further, but I've told him multiple times I'm not going to have sex with him. Sadly, you are probably right. This may just be a casual thing to him. He's mentioned several times that he really likes me and I'm the first person he's thought about being in a relationship with in a long time, but that's not necessarily saying he wants to be in a relationship with me. Money is not the issue. He doesn't make a lot of money but he can go out and do things. For the record, before kissing he was not sure that I even liked him romantically and thought this was just friends. Now that we are passionately kissing and stuff, I'm not quite sure what to make of his intentions. Egh, I think he's randomly inviting me to hang out at his place tonight again so I guess I'll just ask him. Edited October 2, 2013 by mbee
lionoftheforum Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 To me, he appears lazy or boring, or both. Obviously if he is unwilling to move away from the TV and do little more than pushing buttons on a phone, he’s not much of a doer. You sound like a doer. Lazy people will drive doers crazy because they ARE so sedentary. Also, I like the 3 tries rule. If you try 3 times and the other person remains unresponsive you have a mismatch scenario. So far, you’ve tried initiating and facilitation an event and he remains unresponsive. You be the judge… 2
MalachiX Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Thanks everyone! Yes, we just started kissing a few days ago and he tries to take it further, but I've told him multiple times I'm not going to have sex with him. Sadly, you are probably right. This may just be a casual thing to him. He's mentioned several times that he really likes me and I'm the first person he's thought about being in a relationship with in a long time, but that's not necessarily saying he wants to be in a relationship with me. Money is not the issue. He doesn't make a lot of money but he can go out and do things. For the record, before kissing he was not sure that I even liked him romantically and thought this was just friends. Now that we are passionately kissing and stuff, I'm not quite sure what to make of his intentions. Egh, I think he's randomly inviting me to hang out at his place tonight again so I guess I'll just ask him. And, CASUAL SEX it is! If you guys have made out then that eliminates the possibility that he just wants to be friends (or is gay). Since you've already made plans for dates and he's dropped them, that eliminates the idea that she's just "boring" or clueless as he knows what kind of things you'd like. He's giving you clear signals that he wants you to be his f-buddy by avoiding real dates yet still wanting to "hang out." By doing this it means he can claim you were never in a relationship after you guys have sex. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 To me, he appears lazy or boring, or both. Obviously if he is unwilling to move away from the TV and do little more than pushing buttons on a phone, he’s not much of a doer. You sound like a doer. Lazy people will drive doers crazy because they ARE so sedentary. Yeah. This. And I think this guy just wants to turn her into a f*ck buddy..
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