westjames111 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 This is a bit lengthy but I have tried to keep it as short as possible by leaving out a lot of detail. I remember when I was using Loveshack a lot I never really saw anyone coming back months or a year after their breakup and talking about it, probably because they were over it and had no use for this site anymore. I thought I would share my story if any of you cared to read it. Back in January my ex decided to start talking to a guy who I was “friends” with behind my back. I introduced the two at a concert we all had attended a month before she actually left me for him. I dated her for 2 ½ years and she was the love of my life, so clearly I was devastated when I found out that she had been seeing another guy behind my back. To make it even worse she completely denied seeing him at first, and still to this day she still says that we weren’t really together anymore because we had been arguing for a few weeks before she decided to leave me. I don’t think that just because we were arguing and hadn’t talked much that we were apart. Anyway, she has denied that we weren’t together for so long that she now actually believes her lie, which is pretty sad and made it very difficult for me to get closure. The first two or three months after the relationship ended I was completely useless. I moped around and my situation completely consumed me. It became all I talked about to friends, family, or really just anyone who would listen to me. My grades dropped slightly because I couldn’t concentrate on anything anymore. It was actually pretty pathetic and I am sure that I was really annoying to everyone involved, but at the time I didn’t care. I made the classic mistake of begging for her back, and trying to bargain. I would show up at her apartment at random times, text her 3 paragraph long texts, and leave long voicemails. Looking back now I can see that I was just feeding her situation and giving her exactly what she wanted. She loved the attention and having me on string like a puppet. She also liked the idea of having a back up plan incase her new romance happen to fail. It was about four months in that I decided to take that satisfaction away from her. Starting in about April or May I decided that I was going to completely cut all ties with her and try and move on. I went on a few dates and talked to a few other girls but really I was still thinking about her all the time. I couldn’t resist checking her social media accounts so to stop the temptation I completely stopped using all social media sites. I didn’t Tweet, use Facebook, or Instagram from around the end of May to the beginning of July. I didn’t know it at the time but this actually worked in my benefit in more than one way. Around the end of July I was still pretty down and feeling sorry for myself. “That’s right 6 months after the breakup I was still down and depressed.” Anyway, apparently after months of me not contacting her and not being on social media at all left her puzzled. I guess one day she decided to check up on me and saw that I had been inactive online for over a month. The curiosity got her and she decided to text me. She text and asked me if “I had fallen off the face of the earth.” Stupidly I replied and started messaging her a little back and forth, which only led to me feeling worse afterwards. Now here we are almost 10 months later and I can honestly say that what happened to me might have been the best life lesson that I ever learned. I now can relate to people, music, and events more than I ever could have before. I am now a more caring person and willing to help out friends and family where I wouldn’t have before. I have been able to see my flaws in the past relationship and can avoid them in future relationships. I have had plenty of time by myself to figure out who I really am and fix myself as an individual. I also see now that I don’t have to be stuck in a relationship to survive. I don’t think that you ever 100% get over someone you spent so much time with, but it definitely gets better. I am now to the point where I still think about her every now and then but I no longer want her back. For now I am just enjoying being single and having the freedom to do what I want and hangout with friends. I am waiting for the right person to come along and not trying to force something. As for my ex, well she texted me again last week and told me that the guy she left me for had cheated on her and she didn’t know what to do because she now lived with him. She told me that she had f*cked up bad by leaving me and she was sorry. I told her I forgave her and wished her the best of luck with her situation and hoped she could get out of it without too much drama or hurt feelings. “If you had told me I would say that to her 6 months ago I would have laughed in your face.” I guess I am now to the point were I am tired of holding a grudge with that relationship and just want to completely move on with my life. That doesn’t mean that I will be friends with her or talk to her I just want to forgive and forget. I guess what goes around come around. I hope this helps someone out there. Feel free to ask me anything. 8
Stealth3 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 This is a good story. Do you ever see yourself with her again? Or you are 100% sure you will never take her back no matter what?
hurts2death Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 winner with greatness you are.. and a great story too 1
Antares Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I think you handled that final response very tactfully. You were gracious and kind, but distant and objective. Sounds like you've moved on from her. Be careful though, now that she's hurt and sees how strong you are, she might try to gravitate back into your life. You definitely don't need her or her drama any more. Awesome story man
polger Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Thank you, I think it's important for people to hear a success story for the dumpee. Especially after cheating. In my experience, most cheaters a taste of their own medicine. I think we need more positive stories on this site. Edited October 2, 2013 by polger because 1
im_thedude Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Lots of similarities to my situation - more or less the same length relationship, a dissolving relationship that turned to our ex's quickly moving on to other men, and that same helpless feeling in the first stage of post BU. I'm at two months post BU. The big difference for me is, I don't miss my ex nor want to ever talk to her again, but I have a strong desire to be in a relationship again. Guess I'm having a hard time filling that void left by being in a close relationship. My friends have helped a lot, as have the hobbies I've picked up, but I'm not feeling this whole single life right now. But this was a very mature and thoughtful dissertation. Reading this makes me feel a lot better, so thanks for posting it!
Author westjames111 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 This is a good story. Do you ever see yourself with her again? Or you are 100% sure you will never take her back no matter what? I will never take her back. Even if I wanted to my friends/family would be very disappointed in me, because they all know what happened. My parents actually never really wanted me to be with her as long as I was in the first place, because they said they saw things in her that I didn't. I was blinded by love I suppose. I do miss our relationship and what we had at the beginning of it, but after all of this I can never be with her again. 1
Author westjames111 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 I think you handled that final response very tactfully. You were gracious and kind, but distant and objective. Sounds like you've moved on from her. Be careful though, now that she's hurt and sees how strong you are, she might try to gravitate back into your life. You definitely don't need her or her drama any more. Awesome story man Yeah one of my friends was actually telling me the other day that I better get prepared for some probable annoyances in the future. 1
Author westjames111 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Lots of similarities to my situation - more or less the same length relationship, a dissolving relationship that turned to our ex's quickly moving on to other men, and that same helpless feeling in the first stage of post BU. I'm at two months post BU. The big difference for me is, I don't miss my ex nor want to ever talk to her again, but I have a strong desire to be in a relationship again. Guess I'm having a hard time filling that void left by being in a close relationship. My friends have helped a lot, as have the hobbies I've picked up, but I'm not feeling this whole single life right now. But this was a very mature and thoughtful dissertation. Reading this makes me feel a lot better, so thanks for posting it! I had that same feeling for months. I actually just got over that about two months ago. I felt like I had to find another relationship as soon as possible, because I felt a void in my life where my old relationship once was. I think its because my old relationship took up so much of my time, and I didn't know what to do with all my new free time. I was also using all this free time to over think everything. Like I said I went on some dates, and even singed up for a dating site for a while to try and rush things along. I am now back to my "normal" self, and waiting for the right person to come along instead of constantly searching for someone. Don't get me wrong though, I still would love to find another relationship but being single is pretty chill too. 2
petall Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Well done, I too feel stronger and wiser compared to before. What they say about karma is true eh? The cheater becomes the cheated. 1
KCCK Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Thanks for the post.. a good post indeed... 2 months since BU and I still miss her and I really look forward to the day where I can really move on and heal just like you had successfully accomplished... =)
headinthecloud Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I think you handled that final response very tactfully. You were gracious and kind, but distant and objective. Sounds like you've moved on from her. Be careful though, now that she's hurt and sees how strong you are, she might try to gravitate back into your life. You definitely don't need her or her drama any more. Awesome story man Agree! Congrats on your success. And thanks for sharing, it's wonderful to see positive outcomes. Your next SO is going to thank your ex!
Author westjames111 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Your next SO is going to thank your ex! ^ haha let's hope so!
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