Hoshi Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) In the time my closest friend and I have known each other, since young teens in college together, we've always been somewhat of a dynamic duo. We've been inseperable through to adulthood and beyond, sharing some of the darkest and most intimate times, even as we had a lot happening on our own clocks. I've moved to different cities and even parts of the country to accommodate my studies while in and out of remission with mental illness, she has built up a great career and a very active social life with various extracurricular groups around her community- quite different styles that have changed the practicality of our friendship, but we've always been there for each other, especially for those things no-one else will understand. And we've always managed to stay within each other's lives and get together no matter how far away we are. She has always been a ridiculously busy person, however as much as I love her, quite unreliable as a result. When we lived within short distance of each other I often felt let down by repeated last-minute things scuppering our plans or her bailing out early to go somewhere. We've had some tiffs over it but I generally put it down to me being sensitive to need her support in difficult times, and we always made up for it on other occasions. As time has gone on and I've moved around a bit, it's inevitable we see each other much less, so we always made as much effort to maintain contact largely by phone, text or internet just to keep up our relationship. This has never been too reliable either as she has a very particular schedule, so it can go quite a while with alternating missed attempts and following up on messages to catch each other, but in the last year or so it's become more often than not me who is the one attempting contact, dismissed by the answer machine, or given a rushed explanation that she'll call me back 'in a bit'. I respect she keeps so busy and has many commitments, and it's natural even the strongest friendships lull and peak, so I often felt bad for continuing to prompt her in the absence of a response- I don't want to be that annoying friend. Again I assume I'm just overly apt to miss her in our long absences, I allow her more space, sometimes weeks between. In the meantime I see constant updates from her on Facebook about things she's doing with friends, holidays spent with a new boyfriend, or random 'I'm on the train home so bored' type things, and although I may take the chance to try reaching out when it's more convenient, there is always someone else she needs to call, or her promises to get back to me when she gets home instead are rarely fulfilled. I back off and simply never hear from her end, so it's a losing battle. The times we do spend together now are so much more important- it's like our flame is ignited again, we are sparking off each other, like a reunion of old family members. But this is only on the chance our attempts are successful. While she's more than happy and excited to see me, despite all the best intentions to initiate and plan fairly on both parts, again I am 90% the one to organize and make the trip to fit around her diary. The last occasion she prompted a visit to me she laid out her brief plan but I never heard from her to concrete the details, until the very morning of the expected day to tell me she wouldn't be making it because she was too tired. Well I wouldn't drop her that easily so I took the reins again and came to her instead. When she does manage to squeeze me in her schedule is still always so tight that I often end up tagging along while she sees the boyfriend, runs errands or sit on the sideline of many of her hobby group meetings, presented the option to stay behind at her place by myself, or go off somewhere on my own and meet up again later. As much as I enjoy getting involved when I'm able to or know the people already, I still feel bad imposing myself on them and often wonder if my being there at that time is really an inconvenience to my friend. But when else will I ever see her otherwise? Today is her birthday, and again running up from weeks of considerately spaced attempts to contact her regarding what gift she wants (as we usually mail things to each other or put a dinner date on hiatus), I haven't even been granted the courtesy of a response on Facebook when she's on there updating about other things all the while. I'm beginning to feel like that pathetic, sad-sack type of friend that is dragging the other down while she is attempting to break away from my ever more annoying presence. Normally I have strong enough self-respect to know when a relationship should be left alone and always back off before forcing my conviction on people, but this is the one thing I genuinely thought was unbreakable in my life and it saddens me to think about it coming to an end. Our friendship has always been mutually deeper and more meaningful than any other we've experienced. Well, after all these years I thought I'd be deserving of a little recognition at least. Edited October 1, 2013 by Hoshi
coolheadal Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Sounds like she has become a friend only when it suites her. But there are times you don't see much of her. Like she really doesn't care about you. This happen to me a friend I knew for a very long time, but they seem to forget you are there only when it suites them. After than they don't want anything else to do with you. Or they say listen I can't talk too you right now I am busy doing other important things. Like they're brushing you aside. I had one tell me that well I can only be your friend on FB but that's it. So you see friends like these are not really your true friends. Some how you and her have lost touch. This is what happen to me too. So the person you think you know is not the same person you had once known. At this point time to say your good-byes and more on to find new friends that would respect you for you and not any silly nonsense like your old time friend is doing to you now. Run your head in, you follow them at their own game. Just drop it. Your intent was to save your friendship but they don't have the same intent. They don't want you around them again. But they'll be polite about it though.
Author Hoshi Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Just a quick update.. as yesterday was her birthday and I had continued to not hear from her, I simply left her to it. Didn't send a message or anything because I thought, honestly, what's the point? I've made enough effort to contact her in the last few weeks to arrange something for the occasion. Last time we spoke I mentioned me taking her out to a belated dinner because she has holiday coming up from work. I was fobbed off with the excuse of 'oh well I'll have to check my diary, because that weekend I'm going out with so and so, and I'm house-sitting for the week for a friend, then I have this event on the next saturday, and then I'm going away with this other friend for a few days..' on and on. Basically from what she implies she can't seem to allow a single spare minute at least till christmas just for her best friend to take her out for one night for her birthday. Well fair enough she's too busy to see me, but surely she can spare a few minutes during her schedule to call for a catch up, or just text me to say 'hey how's it going', but no apparently not even that. This makes me sound probably bitter and stalkerish but since I get notifications from her FB updates, this morning I saw one collectively thanking everyone for their birthday messages (yet she still hasn't responded since my last message on there), and how much fun she had with our mutual friend who 'managed to get her out'. This mutual friend has been away at uni for months and lives about as much distance as me, yet my best friend seems to be more than capable of dropping everything to go on a last minute night out with her while I'm still sat here waiting for acknowledgement that I still exist. Ugh. This truly sucks. 1
Author Hoshi Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Sounds like she has become a friend only when it suites her. But there are times you don't see much of her. Like she really doesn't care about you. This happen to me a friend I knew for a very long time, but they seem to forget you are there only when it suites them. After than they don't want anything else to do with you. Or they say listen I can't talk too you right now I am busy doing other important things. Like they're brushing you aside. I had one tell me that well I can only be your friend on FB but that's it. So you see friends like these are not really your true friends. Some how you and her have lost touch. This is what happen to me too. So the person you think you know is not the same person you had once known. At this point time to say your good-byes and more on to find new friends that would respect you for you and not any silly nonsense like your old time friend is doing to you now. Run your head in, you follow them at their own game. Just drop it. Your intent was to save your friendship but they don't have the same intent. They don't want you around them again. But they'll be polite about it though. Sad but so true.. I'm afraid you're totally right. I just don't understand why it's had to end this way.
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