HeartBroken1988 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Hi everyone, I already told my story before, I don't know if you all remember. In short I dated this girl for more than 2 years, I loved her beyond anything. It ended badly. the last few months of our relationship weren't that great, we weren't doing anything much together (we were both students) so we spent most of our evenings together, hanging out sometimes but not enough for her. We weren't talking as much as before too and I figured it was because of the stress of the studies and we were about to move overseas. At the very end she ended cheating on me, she confessed but showed no emotions or regrets, it was like her way out of the relationship. I had no choice but to leave her, I knew that it was over from her part too anyway. That was the last time I saw her, it was really quick, we didn't even discussed properly. I couldn't stay, I just left. She sent me an email afterwards blaming me on everything and how the cheating was eye opening for her for how unhappy she was with me. We talked a few times on the phone too but I couldn't even recognize her, she was stone cold and she said some really hurtful things. It's just then that I realized that it was best to stay NC because it was too painful and it was pointless anyway after what she done to me. I'm almost 4 months NC. 2 months ago I talked to mutual friends about us and the breakup, I told them that I had no real explanation and I wrote a mail way back that she didn't really answered. They made the mistake and talked to her about this mail, and how I was expecting for some answers. 1 month ago she sent me an email basically asking about this mail and that she didn't received any (I think she tought it might had been a more recent email). I did not anwer because there was nothing to answer. all I wanted is an explanation from her part, why was she so cruel with me and rejected me like the relationship didn't meant anything for her. I know it's best to remain NC but lately I'm really struggling. I did not had any closure and I can't find peace because of that. I've heard that silence and moving on is a closure too, I wish it was the case but my mind is always drifting on the events, the shock, the unability to heal. even if occupy myself I can't seem to be there or to focus on my studies, I always get distracted by our broken relationship or this overwhelming sadness. I know she's out of my life for good but how can I find a closure? how can I find peace with myself?
Philosoraptor Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Closure comes from within, you will not get it from anyone else. Peace within yourself comes from accepting that the relationship is over and making the choice to move on rather than sitting in this purgatory you've decided to sit in. Understand whether you want to believe it or not, you are choosing to obsess over things and not choosing to let go and begin your healing process. You're choosing to obsess over answers instead of looking at the facts: the realtionship is over, nothing you can do about it, so the only thing you can do is move on with your life. 4
melell Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 ^^^^^this x 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000
lovelylilly Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Philosoraptor couldn't have said it any better. My recent ex broke up with me literally out of no where, and he kept giving different reasons for the break up. I have been driving myself crazy trying to process it because it literally came out of no where. If she cheated, then that should be closuer enough, the relationship just ran its course. I'm so sorry, just let it go and find what makes you happy and do it. Don't make yourself suffer. 2
Author HeartBroken1988 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Closure comes from within, you will not get it from anyone else. Peace within yourself comes from accepting that the relationship is over and making the choice to move on rather than sitting in this purgatory you've decided to sit in. Understand whether you want to believe it or not, you are choosing to obsess over things and not choosing to let go and begin your healing process. You're choosing to obsess over answers instead of looking at the facts: the realtionship is over, nothing you can do about it, so the only thing you can do is move on with your life. thanks I needed to hear that. Deep down I know the answer I guess, it's not even about her anymore but it's like since the breakup I'm feeling like I lost myself, the joy I had in life. I'm trying really hard to keep busy and focus on my study but I'm just not feeling the same. These words encourage me though, I just need more time
mikei880 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Moving on takes time. In that time you should be working on you. Make yourself better in all ways. You won't get closure from the ex, you may get blamed for everything. She exposed herself for what she is. You listed it above. You dodged a bullet so to speak. I think cheaters need to blame the person they cheated on in order to feel better about themselves or to process their guilt, that's what happens to me. Been there! Do not take her back! You are better than that..... good luck 1
a0009 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Am going through that and I keep busy. Its hard but one step at a time. Forgive her first to ease the pain and work on loving yourself. Talk to people about anything, It helps
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