new poster - heartbreak cycle - want it broken but so unhappy

[blondelilbunny]

hello there.

I have just broken it off with a guy I was seeing for the past 7 years.

We lived tog at one point for 6 mths but it didnt work out as he has children who had real bad issues at the time and that along with his own emotional probs we ended up breaking up. We got back tog for the last 5 yrs, living seperately and about once a year or more something would go wrong and we would break up for a few wks or months. It was always down to the same problems that would not get resolved. He has a lot of issues due to the fact his mum left when he was 5 and he never really got over it. after this his dad remarried a woman who was cold to him and so his exp of women was very poor. This made him introverted and cold towards women. when he met me he was affectionate and sensual to start but with in a few months he backed off. by the time we lived tog we used to row often and he would leave the row open until ten minutes before he had to leave for work and then we would apologize to each other. other times he would leave it all day and we would not make up until the end of the day.

Like I said. I left after six months. There was domestic violence and odd behaviour directed at me by his then adolesant son.

I have since forgiven his son for the behaviour. My partner never took his son for any proffesional help and despite admitting he felt depressed himself he wouldnt go either. In the next 5 years it was a case of us back and forth - him being cold and offish, distant and strange. Me asking him what I wanted and him not ever providing it. ( I am not talking about financial matters I am talking about emotionally, physically, sexually) If I ever got upset or annoyed he couldn't deal with it. He would just back off, Look at me as if I were an alien. This would even happen on birthdays, christmas, everything. I can't explain it. It was as if I wanted somethin I just couldn't have. He would say he would do something and not do it. I would just wait and wait- it never happenen though. ( talking about intimate matters- and before you ask - yes i used to dress up nicely and try and guide him to do it. Text him about it in a saucy way and he would say he would do it but never did!!)

We tried for a baby and it turned out his sperm count had dipped through out the years and he could no longer be fertile. He lied to me, told me he had been to the clinic and it was all fine. It turned out that was a lie. He just made it up and only admitted it when I ended up emailing the lab for results! I tried to help him so much. (he is so terrible and not proactive with appointments- his front tooth has been broken for a yr and he refuses to go to dentist!! -some one said I should take him. But he refuses anyway. what do you do - eh??)Once Paid for an art course to cheer him up and he never went to the course. I really tried to put in so much!!!I begged him to get help.

 

Well back to present day!!! In the end ;the weekend before last, I had a bad stomach. I get IBS sometimes and it was very painful. He had promised as he had got some money ( he is normally out of work and I end up paying for most things.I dont mind it but if he does get some cash I think he should treat us.) that he would get a take away for a treat. in the end he made it so I felt guilty asking for it ( he was huffing and puffing about it ) so I said it didnt matter. I was feeling poorly as I said and he just sat there looking at me like I was some mad person. I wasnt making fuss but it did hurt. He didnt try and kiss or hold me. Didnt offer massage, etc. Yet when he is ill I do anything I can for him ( if he does work i wait up til 1 am for him to come in and do him some tea ffs!!)In the end anyway I told him to go home. His old colours were showing through. He went home and havent seen him since. That was 10 days ago. He has only messaged me on face book and I have basically said I think we should finish it. It is going around in circles and I feel I am the only one trying. I am all over him all the time and I feel he doesnt even want me half the time. Every time we break up it is the same.He writes me messages on face book. wont bother turnng up to talk to me at home. Wont ring me. Just leaves it. This time I have gone on my other face book ( my old one) to avoid his messages and avoid the temptaion of messaging him ( haven't since sunday ) The thing is I just feel so sad and miss him. I know he has issues But I still love him. NOT like it was and I can see he is a downer. I only seem to see him if he has very little money, he doesn't make me feel pretty and everyone says he brings me down. How do I get over him this time and not go back? I am tryng to better myself. Have a course I want to do, a voluntary job I wana go for and I am learning to drive. I have 3 kids and 2 of them have disabilites so I am a very busy person. I am also a loving person and not in to status or money minded. I hope this was not too jumbled. I just wanted to explain myself. Hope I explained it right!!!