An0nymous Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Hey all I am new to this forum and I am struggling with a dilemma. I am a gamergirl in my early twenties and I fell totally in love with a gamerguy last year in the summer. The problem was that I live in Belgium nd he lives all the way in Canada. Eventually it was the distance that ended our relationship. He couldn't deal with it any longer. He wanted to be with me and the time difference didn't make things any better. So a few months before we would meet for the first time, he broke up with me and I was devistated. He canceled the meeting because he was afraid it would affect his decision and that it would be harder to get over eachother. After that blow I was depressed. I decided to talk to a therapist. It did me well and I am doing nd feeling better now. But I am still in contact with him. I have tried several times to remove him from my life. But everytime he shows up and I fall for him again and it makes me feel weak. He tells me he wants to be friends. He asks me everytime if I have someone else. And he tells me he doesn't want anyone now and that he hopes I wont find anyone soon either. Or he talks about how much he wants me and that he knows we would have great sex if we were together. Sometimes he even makes jokes about him being my boyfriend. At others times he is a complete jerk. He confuse me so much. I want to leave this behind me and I have told him I cant be friends with him and that I still like him. But that doesn't help all he says is that he wants to talk to me and that he likes talking to me. I want to find closure somehow but I think the only way to do that is to go see him and see how things work out. I am not sure how he feels about that idea yet even though he sometimes hint out a few things how he wished I was there with him but I dont know. The number 1 problem is my parents. My parents won't let me go up there. I still live with them at home but I am old enough to make my own decisions. He can come here as well but it would be expensive to also pay for a hotel and cause of certain reasons it might not be so safe for him to come here. So my question is should I take this risk and go anyway or just continue to live this way?
Els Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Moving to be with someone whom you have a committed relationship with is risky enough. Moving to be with someone who doesn't even want a relationship with you is a recipe for disaster. Sorry. 1
stat Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Well i'm no pro, but I don't think you should take the time, money and effort to see him if he can't even give you a straightforward answer as to how he feels about you. If it is too confusing perhaps you should instead ask him what kind of position he wants to play in your life, and if he is willing to give you commitment albeit the distance. Or maybe just give him an ultimatum if you really want to leave it all behind...
petall Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 He can spend time to be friends with you and ask you all sorts of personal questions but he can't put the time in to seek a relationship with you? I don't buy this guy. He doesn't seem sincere. By the way, don't classify what you have as a relationship until you meet each other. Real life perceptions and interactions can be very different. This guy seems to want to have his cake and eat it too. He claims distance is a problem to be boyfriend/girlfriend but that doesn't seem to stop him acting like he has a hold over you. Cut the cord. He knows what you want and he can't give it/doesn't want to give it. It's not healthy having him stay in touch and acting like he is. Go no contact. 1
soccerrprp Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 This doesn't sound workable at all. You need to cut him off. 1
Carenth Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) So basically he would love a FWB situation with you. Since he seems to want to have sex with you but remain "friends". There is no closure to be had, he has already given you his answer. He doesn't want a relationship with you. There is no point spending time, money, energy going to see this guy because it will just end in heartbreak for you when he uses and then casts you aside when you leave again. This is not a calculated risk, it is quite frankly just a stupid risk. I am taking a calculated risk moving half way around the world to live with my girlfriend. The difference being we love each other, have spent time together and are in a committed relationship. I have spent the better part of the last year preparing and planning for this move. What do you have? A guy who broke up with you canceling your plans to meet for the first time. Who talks about how he would like to have sex with you but wants to be friends and "jokes" about being your boyfriend, maybe. You make excuses for him why he can't come out and see you. Honestly if he was serious he should be the one coming out to see you after breaking things off. You shouldn't even be considering going to see him because it will not end the way you are thinking it will. He has shown no commitment at all. Once again there is no closure to be had, you have your answer. There is no reason to go see this guy. Remove him from your life and move on. The number one reason isn't your parents. The number one reason is because this guy doesn't feel the same way you do. Edited October 2, 2013 by Carenth 2
emva07 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Going all the way to Belgium because a guy likes talking to you? Are you going to try to convince him to like you? What happens when you go back to Canada? back to the depression/therapist sessions all over again? This time a lot worse because you would have actually met him in person so the infatuation will be greater.
HeartDesires Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 The number 1 problem is my parents. No, the number 1 problem is you two have had zero face time. You do not have a committed relationship...I mean really, how could you? Risking it all and coming to Canada may just end up being a colossal fail. Why?...because I sense this guy is not being genuine. 1
Author An0nymous Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Thanks guy you are right. But it feels like I cant get over it until i find someone else. But i don't want someone now. This sucks. Thanks for the replies.
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