My breakup story [moved]

[lindsay1990]

I did many things wrong myself but I apologized and begged. Even when I stopped begging, I apologized profusely for things even going months back and even apologized for begging. but never, ever did I get an apology about anything. Oh, wait. I think I got an "I'm sorry you feel that way" in a previous fight.

 

Despite the fact that last time in my life I saw my ex I was getting out his car crying while he had just shouted at me for 3 blocks, when he breadcrumbed me THE LEAST I could get was an apology I got nothing. No, instead he gave himself the gift of being the bigger person, by "wishing me the best".

 

Me? I let him have that gift. (Other thread, ha).

 

 

When you say you are tired of doing everything right, I would say I am tired of taking the fall for everything. 50-50 blame should be. But literally, the things my ex would do that didn't get swept under the rug, it would turn out either that I had "made" him do that by my own previous actions, or whatever I had done was naturally much, much worse.

 

 

Ugh,

[lindsay1990]

The thing is...they aren't doing as great as they make it seem.

 

Mine is

 

Got promoted, got a TA position and a new fellowship (plus grant money), has been throwing bbqs and hosting a date (!) for video games on the console he bought for me and at the place I furnished, he is tutoring underprivileged kids again, got into a tennis club again.... and actually made a somewhat ground-breaking discovery in his field, which at the very least guarantees him a recognized first-authored paper in a top-notch scientific journal, thanks to this he has virtually any choice of post doc programs, aaaaand he lost weight and is looking amazing. I was his first gf, naturally he was an awkward, shy nerd with NO game but now apparently he has THE MOST confidence ever.

 

He even blocked me off fb because, how generous, he didn't want to rub any of this in my face.

 

He has gone out his way to make sure I don't find anything out so I don't feel bad but, I did, clearly.

 

Now I feel like I was like the dark cloud over his life. And I mean this. Dude is doing better than ever. Like, WOW. Almost makes me want to apologize for some reason.

[RiceaRoni]

Mine is

 

Got promoted, got a TA position and a new fellowship (plus grant money), has been throwing bbqs and hosting a date (!) for video games on the console he bought for me and at the place I furnished, he is tutoring underprivileged kids again, got into a tennis club again.... and actually made a somewhat ground-breaking discovery in his field, which at the very least guarantees him a recognized first-authored paper in a top-notch scientific journal, thanks to this he has virtually any choice of post doc programs, aaaaand he lost weight and is looking amazing. I was his first gf, naturally he was an awkward, shy nerd with NO game but now apparently he has THE MOST confidence ever.

 

He even blocked me off fb because, how generous, he didn't want to rub any of this in my face.

 

He has gone out his way to make sure I don't find anything out so I don't feel bad but, I did, clearly.

 

Now I feel like I was like the dark cloud over his life. And I mean this. Dude is doing better than ever. Like, WOW. Almost makes me want to apologize for some reason.

 

 

Why would you apologize? You have no reason to.

 

And why are you focusing on his successes? You should go out and create your own! Looking and seeing all that your ex has completed without you isnt going to do you any good. He's getting on with his life and is striving for better, and as difficult as it may be right now, you should push and work towards making accomplishments of your own

 

He's moving on and making himself feel better instead of staying stagnate in a sad state.

 

You can do it No more focusing on him, now it's all about you!

[cavalier99]

Mine is

 

Got promoted, got a TA position and a new fellowship (plus grant money), has been throwing bbqs and hosting a date (!) for video games on the console he bought for me and at the place I furnished, he is tutoring underprivileged kids again, got into a tennis club again.... and actually made a somewhat ground-breaking discovery in his field, which at the very least guarantees him a recognized first-authored paper in a top-notch scientific journal, thanks to this he has virtually any choice of post doc programs, aaaaand he lost weight and is looking amazing. I was his first gf, naturally he was an awkward, shy nerd with NO game but now apparently he has THE MOST confidence ever.

 

He even blocked me off fb because, how generous, he didn't want to rub any of this in my face.

 

He has gone out his way to make sure I don't find anything out so I don't feel bad but, I did, clearly.

 

Now I feel like I was like the dark cloud over his life. And I mean this. Dude is doing better than ever. Like, WOW. Almost makes me want to apologize for some reason.

 

Hahaha. Thats is classic. The thing is it really doesnt matter. Sounds like a guy whos got it together for now. Good for him. The thing is , it isnt a competition. Although it seems to feel that way early on. I remember the 1st months post BU it seemed like everythihg i did to improve myself in some weird way was to show her how great i was doing. Of course this would never happen as i was 100 percent NC.

 

Still didnt stop the fantasies of having that imaginary conversations with her where i acted sooo cool and she just was amazed at what a great guy she lost and how it was obvious id NEVER get back with her! lol

 

Later on things transition to all this being for you and that has its own challenges. How are you getting this info on him anyway? your not going to heal if you keep tabs on him. Rock on! Cav!

[lindsay1990]

Cav:

 

Because I suck and broke NC. Baaah. The worst part is for the week after break up (I dumped him and then he wouldn't take me back, bc we had been fighting too much and he was fed up) he would kinda come back and forth about getting back together but he had had sort of a meltdown and I was freaking out and honest-to-God didn't want to manipulate him. His parents got Involved by the end of that week and then he shut me out; would go to other room and talk for hours with his mother, etc and.... it just got sloppier from then on.

 

I'm doing "good" myself, I mean, my life hasn't collapsed or anything. Finished my master's, have lost 10 lbs and am about to start a job that will pay more than my (PhD, 25 years of experience) mother makes but... alas, I am severely hung up on my ex.

 

Even though we had been fighting, I do feel I was blindsided. I neeeeeeever expected that we were hanging by a thread but at the end of the day, though I know it's like an excuse, I feel his parents had the ultimate hands in our not reconciling after all. He was a major, major momma's boy. We would literally discuss and agree t stay together then he would go to work, talk to his parents and come home and take back and un-reconcile us. I guess I deserve it bc it was a pretty nasty fight and I actually told him to leave the house. Yup, his own house.

 

My only comfort is that, unless something horrible happens, I will always be an inch taller than him. And nobody can take that away, haha.

[lindsay1990]

Why would you apologize? You have no reason to.

 

And why are you focusing on his successes? You should go out and create your own! Looking and seeing all that your ex has completed without you isnt going to do you any good. He's getting on with his life and is striving for better, and as difficult as it may be right now, you should push and work towards making accomplishments of your own

 

He's moving on and making himself feel better instead of staying stagnate in a sad state.

 

You can do it No more focusing on him, now it's all about you!

 

Thanks! I hadn't read this....

 

You're right but the hurt don't listen, what can I do?!?! Ha

 

Also, if my ex was *ever* going to regret or second-guess, I made It clear that I hated him, never wanted to hear from him again and that he was to forget about me because "it was at best a sham and at worse a gruesome nightmare" haaa. So ya know. I'm fairly certain my NC is for this lifetime, at least. Granted, I was pissed because he wrote he "loved me" and "wished me only the best" which to me was the equivalent of breaking up/reaffirming the break up yet again.... but it's been done.

[cavalier99]

Cav:

 

Because I suck and broke NC. Baaah. The worst part is for the week after break up (I dumped him and then he wouldn't take me back, bc we had been fighting too much and he was fed up) he would kinda come back and forth about getting back together but he had had sort of a meltdown and I was freaking out and honest-to-God didn't want to manipulate him. His parents got Involved by the end of that week and then he shut me out; would go to other room and talk for hours with his mother, etc and.... it just got sloppier from then on.

 

I'm doing "good" myself, I mean, my life hasn't collapsed or anything. Finished my master's, have lost 10 lbs and am about to start a job that will pay more than my (PhD, 25 years of experience) mother makes but... alas, I am severely hung up on my ex.

 

Even though we had been fighting, I do feel I was blindsided. I neeeeeeever expected that we were hanging by a thread but at the end of the day, though I know it's like an excuse, I feel his parents had the ultimate hands in our not reconciling after all. He was a major, major momma's boy. We would literally discuss and agree t stay together then he would go to work, talk to his parents and come home and take back and un-reconcile us. I guess I deserve it bc it was a pretty nasty fight and I actually told him to leave the house. Yup, his own house.

 

My only comfort is that, unless something horrible happens, I will always be an inch taller than him. And nobody can take that away, haha.

 

You sound like an awesome gal! I mean woman!! Hang strong. All this is passing.. just seems like slow motion for now. Who needs a mama's boy anyway? lol The are plenty of real men of there when your ready! You rock! His loss.... wooooo hooooo!!!! Cav

 

 

..and Yay its football Sunday...enjoy today!!!

Edited September 29, 2013 by cavalier99

[cavalier99]

Thanks! I hadn't read this....

 

You're right but the hurt don't listen, what can I do?!?! Ha

 

Also, if my ex was *ever* going to regret or second-guess, I made It clear that I hated him, never wanted to hear from him again and that he was to forget about me because "it was at best a sham and at worse a gruesome nightmare" haaa. So ya know. I'm fairly certain my NC is for this lifetime, at least. Granted, I was pissed because he wrote he "loved me" and "wished me only the best" which to me was the equivalent of breaking up/reaffirming the break up yet again.... but it's been done.

 

Love it! Dont feel bad this can actually help you move on!

 

I told me ex to NEVER to contact me again unless she was dying from cancer, had a sever car accident or something equivalent and even in thos cases she might as well get spport elsewhere.

 

Almost a year later...We hung out for drinks the other night and laughed and caught up and discussed our new repective relationships. Rock on! Cav

[lindsay1990]

Love it! Dont feel bad this can actually help you move on!

 

I told me ex to NEVER to contact me again unless she was dying from cancer, had a sever car accident or something equivalent and even in thos cases she might as well get spport elsewhere.

 

Almost a year later...We hung out for drinks the other night and laughed and caught up and discussed our new repective relationships. Rock on! Cav

 

 

 

I said something similar, last I saw him though, not in the last email. I said that unless he had a serious problem, like was dying and everybody has died that could help him, and I was the only person on Earth he could go to that THEN he could contact me, ha. Obviously I will never hear from him. It cares me to death that the guy is now on the Nobel-prize track and uuuugh, just ugh.

 

I would never hang out with him, though. Not even if he was to beg me for reconciliation, I am just too humiliated because at the end of the day, we moved in together, had a fight (however horrible it was that day, just breaks up and words exchanged) but we DID live together and I ended up havin gto move out. To me, no matter what happened, I didn't break the basic contract of the relationship - didn't cheat, steal, abuse (although he argues I was abusive bc I called him a liar, coward, etc regarding some trust issues we had) - so HE f*cked me over, not the other way around. So yeah, I would never face this fool again, I promised myself. But it's glad to hear that you made up, at least in a friendly way!

 

I gotta ask though, where you horrified she might have cancer when she contacted you after that year?

[lindsay1990]

Oh, I forgot!

 

 

On the ride to the bus stop the day I left and last saw him, he was acting all bigger-person and despite me crying (because he had just shouted at me) and saying to never contact me again, he was like "well... you can contact me for anything, any time even though I will respect you and not contact you" and I just RAGED and snapped back: "Why would you ever want to contact me in the first place? The only thing I want to hear from you is that you died so I can go to your funeral wearing a red dress, with a jazz band in tow and THROW A F**KING PARTY, YOU FREAK!", haha.

 

Oops.

Edited September 29, 2013 by lindsay1990