Confuzzled

[mozk]

Okay this is not a question but more a scenario which I want to throw out there to gather various opinions on the situation.

 

I have been dating this guy for about roughly 20 odd months or so and like any other relationship; we have had our ups and downs. But recently, things have become a bit rough and we are just not able to see eye to eye. The catalyst was the new guy that started sitting next to me at work. Generally, I am not the type of girl that talks to anyone given my shy nature, however if the person is sitting next to me for the entire day then it’s a lot easier for me to become comfortable and have a conversation with that person. So, this new guy and I have been chatting quite a bit and I use to go home to my boyfriend and tell him about my work day, however, I use to talk about this guy a lot since he made up the bulk of my work day other than my actual work.

Nevertheless, by the 5th day, my bf made it pretty clear that his quite uncomfortable listening to me talk about this guy and felt like I had a crush on him. Which I feel is absurd and very far from the truth. He was also quite annoyed though, since the day before he told me this, he and this guy spoke at a weekly social event that we attend and he realised that this guy knows quite a lot about myself in the 4 days we sat next to each other to which he became a little uncomfortable with. Again, something I do not understand since I sit next to the guy the whole day, it’s not like I intentionally share my life and it just comes out in conversation. And his argument is that if you sharing your life, you want to share with this guy who you are and then he’d eventually see what I (my bf) sees, then his going have to deal with another person who’s in love with me. And I honestly don’t believe that this would be the case, given this guy has a girlfriend who he has been dating for a year and says his very much in love with. My bf and I have had history with this topic because now and again, he’d tell me to stop talking to a guy because his just gonna end up liking me which I generally found absurd since he feels every guy will like me, however, the ones he told me to stop talking to did go a little weird and I stopped on my own accord because it was just causing issues in our relationship. But I can’t take that assumption with every new guy I meet, that’s also a little ridiculous.

 

Anyways, given he told me to stop talking about this guy I just assumed he didn’t wanna hear about him. The following week after our social event, it kinda slipped out that this guy that I sit next to and I have been for lunch DURING WORK HOURS together, one time we were alone. However, when it slipped out, I felt really guilty because I never mentioned it to him that we had lunch together since I just assumed he never want to know! This however, did not settle well with him and he lost his crap since he took my guilty look for something else. Now, I never believe lying in a relationship is justified, however, I just thought I was protecting him by not telling him. I did not do anything and I will not do anything, I am not that person!! But he took the lying as an act of treason and ever since that day, things have just progressively gotten worse...Since I also came out with another time I lied (I’ve only lied TWICE!) and that was when I went with his creepy boss (who he told me not to talk to) for coffee since he emailed me to say let’s discuss career opportunities and at coffee his boss became and a little creepy to which I told him never to contact me again and left. I went for the career opportunities conversation, yes I knew he was creepy and highly flirtatious with me, but I ONLY WENT FOR THE CAREER OPPORTUNITIES convo, when things went south, I left! My bf felt that I was now also jeopardizing his professional life by doing that.

 

Anyways, fast forward to the present. We are now at the stage where he feels that I do not love him. Since our compromise was that with the guy that sits next to me, we won’t go for lunch off work premises together but going for lunch to the canteen is okay. And the next day, my bf comes back saying this is all too weird. Compromising for his gf to go for lunch alone with another guy is just too weird for him. Since, you shouldn’t be compromising on **** like that! His argument is that ordinarily he would have never minded to begin with, if I never speak about this guy or if this guy never knew a lot about me or if we never have an issue around him such as lying that we went to lunch together, he would have not minded. But since there’s so much drama surrounding this guy and now I am fighting to at least have lunch with him, that concept scares him. But I could care less if I have lunch with the guy, my argument is, just don’t tell me what to do. And the reason he says this is because he has a lot of female friends however one time I got jealous with one of them and he just cut all association with her to prevent making me jealous. But I don’t have that many friends to start cutting them out of my life for him. It doesn’t make sense for me to do that.

 

I really do not see how this translates in to me not loving him or respecting him. So finally my question is, is it weird to ask your bf to compromise on having lunch with another guy?

Edited October 1, 2013 by mozk
Didn't post correct

[Philosoraptor]

So if what you're saying is true... and you have zero romantic interest in this other guy... then all I can say is your current boyfriend at the very least has some big jealousy and control issues. No one should be able to dictate who you are friends with. In this case you may be making a choice between your relationship and your freedom unless you two are able to come to a mature compromise.

[todreaminblue]

I am afraid i have to agree with your boyfriend, i am a sharer i share to help opthers and i have had guys become obsessive about me for this reason...one was when i was with my ex an older guy who was married actually and was having problems in his marriage which he talked to me about for hours......he missed his train so my ex said he could sleep on the couch till the morning...my ex went to bed and i stayed up for another hour talking and then i had a massive migraine so i went to bed, now i didnt talk much about my history i didnt feel i did anything different than what i do with anyone male or female whom i try to help........i listened i tried to offer advice i gave some history that i thought was relevant......and gave myself a headache thinking which is normal for me.....

 

 

my ex heard noises during the night ...talking from downstairs...so he went down......this guy wasnt talking about his wife he was moaning about me......and it was a a sexual dream because my ex was fuming and i was delegated to stay upstairs until the guy left in the morning.......

 

another time was with a very close friend of my exes.........he worked on the movie sets with my ex..........and he moved in with us for a while....my ex went up the coast to do a movie.......and the guy stayed, spent a lot of time with me, i am a friendly person i can talk up a storm...anyway he ended up trying to split me and my ex up,i was pregnant at the time and he was saying i was too good for my ex he was cheating on me i was too sweet ,i deserved better he told me my ex didnt love me......i confronted my ex he denied i severed contact....I lost a friend i had grown close to .......so did my ex because he liked him too.......it was messy and sad.............

 

 

i dont think i am good looking i am the opposite but there's something about me that attracts guys and that si what my ex did see and still does see ......what guys who i talk to see.....i definitely give people confidence renewed hope a sense of the possible...try to put them on a high if they were down....that becomes like an aphrodisiac....they mistake it for interest in me as a person when really it isnt ...they just like to feel good.....

 

believe what your boyfriend says he is right.....deb