UltimaWeapon Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) hey loveshack, I am 23..she is 21 About a month ago in the middle of August is when I last saw my ex and talked to her. What ended up happening is that she told me she missed me but was having family problems and would want to fix things with me eventually. I could sense she wanted to try again. I decided I wanted to fight for her one last time and do what I can to make it work. (She ended it because she saw no future due to her family not accepting me because of religion differences, etc- which if that wasn't there would mean that we are together right now.) I told her in the texts I was willing to fight for her no matter what and that I wanted to meet up with her. I told her I wanted a simple yes or no to know where I stand and if she wanted the same thing. She told me she was having huge family problems (which she was- she had to go away from home for a bit) and that this wasn't the best time- she had no privacy and her parents did not let her go anywhere or do anything. She couldn't give me an answer and just said she would when she has privacy, when she is alone and when she can. I know that I did not want to force anything on her but its been about 7 weeks since I have heard from her and I honestly can't believe she let it go this far.. Its October first now. I have not heard from her since that night in the middle of August. I talked to her best friend who also is aware of the situation and she says that they also have not been in contact at all and that she also has not heard from her because of her family situation. I recently found out through social media that a family member of hers died and I wanted to give my condolences to her but I messaged the friend instead to see if any developments had happened. Unfortunately, nothing has..So i thought it would be best not to say anything to make the situation worse considering her parents found out about me and knew we were together. ******************************************************** I want to be with this girl and 7 months on I still have strong feelings for her. I can't forget about her no matter how much I tried..I want this more then anything because she truly made me happy. I got out of a 4.5 year relationship in the end of 2010 and for two years I was single until I met her. I have never felt this way for anyone..Not even my ex of 4.5 years and I can safely say I thought I knew what LOVE truly was but I was completely wrong when I met her. No girl has come into my life and made that much of a change in me where I became literally crazy about her. She showed me why things with my ex did not work out and how wrong she was for me. She showed me you can love again if your ex of 5 years almost leaves you for someone else and I did not think I would find something this strong..but I realized everything happens for a reason and she was put in my direction to show me that. I was single for 2 years and have never felt this connection with anyone in my life. I truly fell hard for this girl after such a short period of time and I know deep down that what I feel for her is more then I ever felt for my ex of 4.5 years and doesn't that say everything? I can truly say I am in love with this girl and it's def not the same feelings I thought I had for my ex- to compare. I have the coping mechanisms to move on from a relationship-- I have done it already and I know how hard that was. I know what it requires- NC and all of that...i know we were only together for 3 months but those 3 months were probably the happiest I have ever had in my life..and this is why this is having such a huge impact on me. I mean I got over a 4.5 year relationship ending over her leaving me for someone else? How am I having trouble moving on from a three month relationship then?? This is why 7 months on now..after the relationship ended I am still thinking about her and she is still on my mind. I have done my absolute best to move on from this as well but I wanted to give it one last try and here I am now still without an answer from her...I want this girl in my life. I truly want to be with her..but there are things I can't control like her family and religion. (even though we are from the same country and speak same language) I understand all of that but my heart does not care and wants to fight for her because I want her that much!! Point is..what am i suppose to do now? I haven't gotten any answer. There still hasn't been closure..so Do I wait for the situation to get better? Do I continue to want to fight for her? Or do I just try and move on from this? Any advice would be appreciated!!!!!!! Edited October 1, 2013 by UltimaWeapon
Author UltimaWeapon Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Not having any closure or an answer is what is getting to me. Anyone have any solid advice on what I should do now?
melell Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 You are holding on to this girl because of the way she made you feel at first. I think most would agree that if this girl loved you things wouldn't have ended, and she atleast would be able to give you the answer 'yes' despite the family problems. From what you have said it is as if you are doing this to yourself.. you need to let go. If she comes back in the future then sure, good. But for now you need to completely let go. I think that people get so messed up over short relationships because it ends in the honeymoon phase, when things feel amazing. People seem to get hung up on how good it felt. 2
Author UltimaWeapon Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I get all your points and agree with everything. I still to this day can't believe she couldn't give me a simple yes or no. She told me before that it can't work out and she gave me the impression she wanted to work on things. What I don't get is she could not even give me an answer or anything and I don't know what that truly means and that is why I haven't gotten any closure to this.
reddragon588 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Actions speak louder than words. Look at her actions, there's your answer. 2
Author UltimaWeapon Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Actions speak louder than words. Look at her actions, there's your answer. She also hasn't contacted her best friend in over a month due to her family problems and the fact that they supposedly have access to her social media and phone. She said she would contact me when she could. when she had privacy and when she was alone. I have no idea what that means or what time frame she was thinking of. When I talked to her best friend she said not to expect anything when she does message you and she said " I am sure she will in a couple of weeks" Now..of course this leaves me in a really stupid situation because I don't have her on facebook or instagram. but she keeps changing her account from private to public on instagram like she delibaratley wants me to see wat she posts. She keeps changing from private to public every few days as she posts new things. The question I have is. why would she not just give me an answer when I asked her for a simple yes or no. I said to her just give me some sort of answer and we will figure out the rest- she just ignored the text and hasn't messaged since middle of august. Her grandfather passed away recently on top of all the family issues she was having so I thought it would be a good way to get back into contact with her..but I decided I wouldn't for obvious reasons. Point is im confused beyond belief now because I still do not understand why she would not message me an answer and make me wait in limbo like this without anything? If she wanted me around to just have me around why not say yess and then not do much? Why would she just not give me an answer and say I will message you when I can. I mean if she can post instagram pics and she cant message me or her best friend past month...What is that suppose to mean?? I would understand it's mee..but her best friend also?? ://
h0000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Im pretty sure when things were good with your 4.5 yr gf, you though you found love, you thought you were the happiest person, you thought no one would make you feel that way. And then you met your most recent ex, you think THIS is love, you think THIS is true happiness,you think THIS is how a girl makes you feel that no one else can. Now when you meet your next girl, she will tell you why things with ur ex didnt work out and how ur ex is wrong for you. And you will think that is love. BTW, religious problems is really not something you can control. And you dont want her to lose her family for you.
Author UltimaWeapon Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 (edited) Im pretty sure when things were good with your 4.5 yr gf, you though you found love, you thought you were the happiest person, you thought no one would make you feel that way. And then you met your most recent ex, you think THIS is love, you think THIS is true happiness,you think THIS is how a girl makes you feel that no one else can. Now when you meet your next girl, she will tell you why things with ur ex didnt work out and how ur ex is wrong for you. And you will think that is love. BTW, religious problems is really not something you can control. And you dont want her to lose her family for you. I understand all that - but what i feel for her is more then I ever felt for my ex of 4.5 years because this girl showed me what I want in someone. She showed me that my ex of 4.5 years was completely wrong for me and why it didnt work out. She showed me you can love again after being single for 2 years and not having any connection with anyone up until she came along. I instantly knew when I met her and when we talked there was something there. That explains why now 7 months approx since it ended. and about 1 month NC that I am still very much not over her and still want her back and at least try to make things work. This is coming from someone who got out of a 4.5 year relationship where she ended up leaving me for somebody..this is coming from someone who got over that completley..but I cant seem to forget a 3 month relationship..and im still missing her to this day? What does that tell you? It means that whatever I truly feel for her is real and I can't lie to myself over that. I DID everything I could to try and move on and it's been harder now then the first time. The reason I feel this way is because this girl is compatible with me in every way. We like the same music, same food, we play the same sport, like the same sports team, we are from the same country, speak same language. ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE RELIGION which APPARENTLY is a deal breaker because her parents wouldn't accept me because of it. I am orthodox and she is muslim. Do you see how hard of a situation that is? It would be a situation made in heaven if either of us was the same religion but we aren't. My parents don't care...it's all on her. I can't do anything about it and that is the worst! The point being here is I tried to forget about her but I simply could not..and I can't fight that. What if she is truly the one for me ? At least by trying this last time I would have known if she is or if she isn't (ASIDE from the religion problems and family)- I know that is a huge stumbling block but I can't control that. It's a really stupid situation I asked her the last time I saw her why would u want to be with me if you knew we wouldn't be together? She said she had faith and things would be different this time. If she truly thought it couldn't work out why not just tell me again liek she did in February? Why tell me she will let me know when she can and when she has privacy? I told her I was willing to fight for her and I wanted to be with her still. So it still doesn't make sense to me why she can't just tell me straight up what the answer will be? Is she scared to lose me forever? What am I suppose to do now? I need closure ..I need some sort of answer. I can't have her message me 3-4 weeks from now saying she wants to be with me but I am trying to move on now..you see my dilemma? It will only cause even more problems then. I don't know what to do. I truly want to be with this girl but this is just pathetic now. Edited October 3, 2013 by UltimaWeapon
h0000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You shouldnt have dated her at her the first moment you know she's from a muslim family. Out of all religions you have to choose a muslim? You could have saved yourself from the pain. I know it's unfair.. but its out of your power and her power. I reckon the only way for her to be with you is that her family disowns her. And back to your question "What does that tell you? " That tells me you want to dwell on her and you want to not move on. Personally I don't believe "the one" "the love of my life". It is hard to move on but you have to keep doing it untill you succeed.
Author UltimaWeapon Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 You shouldnt have dated her at her the first moment you know she's from a muslim family. Out of all religions you have to choose a muslim? You could have saved yourself from the pain. I know it's unfair.. but its out of your power and her power. I reckon the only way for her to be with you is that her family disowns her. And back to your question "What does that tell you? " That tells me you want to dwell on her and you want to not move on. Personally I don't believe "the one" "the love of my life". It is hard to move on but you have to keep doing it untill you succeed. I know I shouldn't have but I did it because I couldn't help my feelings. It was what I felt at the time. I realize now how much pain that has brought on me but I followed what I felt..and I did not want that to hold me back. I always would analyze situations to the T and not do things because of certain situations. In that instance I told myself I was going to take the risk and try it out. I have no regrets..best 3 months of my life hands down since I was with her. I can't reget any of that. It shows me that no matter how hard I tried to move on..I still couldn't shake the thought that it ended too soon and that she was so compatible with me that I would not find that sort of match again. It took me 2 years to find that connection- a connection better then with my EX and someone who is from my country , speaks same language..so of course I did not want to let her go without fighting. I know the situation with her family is stupid but I have no control over that. I can't do anything..but at least I did what I could...even if she hasn't responded back. I tried my best.
h0000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You have no regret, that means you kind of saw it coming right? "It ended too soon" well it will end and wouldnt sooner be better than later? Or do you think later you wouldnt be this hurt? well you fought and you failed. Take the good memory and move on..I dont think you have any other choice..
Author UltimaWeapon Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 You have no regret, that means you kind of saw it coming right? "It ended too soon" well it will end and wouldnt sooner be better than later? Or do you think later you wouldnt be this hurt? well you fought and you failed. Take the good memory and move on..I dont think you have any other choice.. It's the fact I don't have an answer that is getting to me. I didn't get a solid no or a yes and that is what I can't get over at this point. It's driving me crazy how she put me in this spot...and the fact she also hasn't talked to her best fried during this period makes no sense to me. I need some sort of answer and I don't know how to go about it now because the only way would be to contact her ahhhhh ://
h0000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 your answer is in your heart. if you want am answer just contact her then. maybe she cant say no to your face so shes using the silent treatment. do you honestly think you have a chance to win? maybe you can elope. 99% she won't come back and you are left waiting like an idiot. I figured you would not believe it anyway.
Author UltimaWeapon Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 your answer is in your heart. if you want am answer just contact her then. maybe she cant say no to your face so shes using the silent treatment. do you honestly think you have a chance to win? maybe you can elope. 99% she won't come back and you are left waiting like an idiot. I figured you would not believe it anyway. I just need an answer. Whatever it is at this point I just don't know how to go about it because she removed me from fb (her mom did ) and wen I last talked to her she told me not to contact her anymore because her parents have access to her phone or social media. She keeps changing her account settings from private to public on Instagram so I guess I can see wat she posts? Point if she is able to post pics and still have fb why couldn't she have contacted me? I am worried if I do message her now that her parents might see. I dono how to approach this now and I'm kinda scared but I need an answer whatever it is. I need to know where we stand. This so far has not solved anything.
h0000 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 to me its obvious where you stand: its over. I don't know why you cant see it. now just assume she really hadnt given you any answer, there can only be two answers: no. or yes she will betray her family and religion and elope with you. (I heard muslim families kill their children if they betray Alan? ) so what answer do you want?
Author UltimaWeapon Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 to me its obvious where you stand: its over. I don't know why you cant see it. now just assume she really hadnt given you any answer, there can only be two answers: no. or yes she will betray her family and religion and elope with you. (I heard muslim families kill their children if they betray Alan? ) so what answer do you want? Of course there are only two answers. Either she says yes...which she didn't...or she says no..which she didn't. She just left me in limbo. She even told me over text last time we talked that she did want to meet up and see me but it would be when she got back from vacation or when school started in September because she isn't allowed to do anything due to her family problems and restrictions now. So why would she say all of these things and then not do anything about them? Point is..whatever her answer is...It doesn't matter at this point. All I want is an answer. I want something so I know where i truly stand. I can't and don't want to assume anything because knowing her she has kept in contact with me ever since February and it was always her messaging me..even when I told her to stop. I just want an answer. I think after 7 weeks she owes me that..I haven't gotten any indication of anything from her..but I also can't sit around and wait. I am done with these games. I can't have her message me a few weeks later saying she wants to be with me..after I decided I was gona move on? You see my point? Whatever the answer is I want to know it. I want her to tell me so I finally know where we both stand.
h0000 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 you are insane. the answer is no for Christ Sake. NO=NO,YES we are gonna slope= NO. you either move on or you contact her, since deep down you just dont believe its a big fat NO. stop whinging and do something about it then if you dont believe it! send her fb messages,call her, text her. throw stones to her windows at 2am. It looks pathetic.
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