h0000 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 If an ex dumped you and comes back to make it work again, what can the reasons be? Apart from the obviously wrong reasons "Using you for sex" or similar, I can only imagine the other reason being "the dumpee hasnt found anyone else more compatible than you and they regretted it/realized you are the one " or something like that. Now what can possibly be the right reasons for them to come back and dumpers should give dumpees another chance?
jba10582 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 The reason would be that you were both willing to get back and work on the relationship to grow rather than decay. There is a level of growth needed individually. YOU would take responsibility for what YOU need to work on and improve yourself rather than blame the other. 1
Amelie1980 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Yes. As long as they aren't cruel or abusive. They made a mistake. nothing is certain, least of all matters of the heart. Sometimes it takes moving on to the wrong ones to realise you had the right one all along. 3
hurts2death Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 i am a dumpee and if my ex dumper moves on to wrong one and realises it then i dont know..it all will be a lost cause.... Yes. As long as they aren't cruel or abusive. They made a mistake. nothing is certain, least of all matters of the heart. Sometimes it takes moving on to the wrong ones to realise you had the right one all along.
flight E Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Hurt to death I know dis is not your thread but I just wanted to chip in somtin. I am almost lik u wen, we luv we give all our self's that why it hurts so bad. Am in so much pain right now not sleeping but I know my friend is having the time of her life. The tin is it will pass. As painful as it is. It will pass. Just try to be strong. If you don't ever want this girl back, then Nver call her or anytin. U mit have the slighest of chances but if you don't anythin you do is meaningless. I am also advicing myself as am writing. Just be strong, I have had a breakup b4 now n it felt lik d end of d world but now I talk to dat girl n feel notin. So am sure wit time this one will be the samem 1
Salvatore85 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 The better question would be "is there any reason for you to give them another chance?"..... 1
travelonic Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 The better question would be "is there any reason for you to give them another chance?"..... Short of abuse or cheating on their part going on, no, not really a better question IMO. IMO, if there is no cheating or abuse going on, breaking up, contrary to popular belief, is not a permanent barring from trying again. 1
reddragon588 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Short of abuse or cheating on their part going on, no, not really a better question IMO. IMO, if there is no cheating or abuse going on, breaking up, contrary to popular belief, is not a permanent barring from trying again. Inability to commit is however, and breaking up is a symptom of that. 1
Salvatore85 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Short of abuse or cheating on their part going on, no, not really a better question IMO. IMO, if there is no cheating or abuse going on, breaking up, contrary to popular belief, is not a permanent barring from trying again. Try getting that out of the back of your mind when you get your ex back. I tried as hard as I could but no matter what I did I couldn't block out the fact that she gave up on me before. It was painful spending moments with her that should've been happy when in the back of mind I had to realize this person dumped me already once, what's to stop her from suddenly doing it again?
Tayla Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Try getting that out of the back of your mind when you get your ex back. I tried as hard as I could but no matter what I did I couldn't block out the fact that she gave up on me before. It was painful spending moments with her that should've been happy when in the back of mind I had to realize this person dumped me already once, what's to stop her from suddenly doing it again? Whats to stop you from dumping her? Sorry but it takes two to make it and two to break it. The older I get the less likely I am to "go back". Reckon it comes with a sense of knowing when its time to let go. The Key is to know when to do so.... I'm a true believer in "forgiving" , it doesn't mean though that they get to come back into my life. It really is a personal choice to "buy back" all the baggage sometimes.... 2
melell Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Enough time passed. The issues that caused the breakup resolved. And obviously, both feel love for each other. If say two years down the track someone reconnects with their ex, becomes friends gets to know each other again, both have grown and matured, both want the same things, and the feelings remain. That is a good scenario. But reasons- I don't know about that. Reasons can be misleading, people change their minds all the time. There is always a risk taken with second chances, you either take the chance of you don't.
Salvatore85 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Whats to stop you from dumping her? Sorry but it takes two to make it and two to break it. The older I get the less likely I am to "go back". Reckon it comes with a sense of knowing when its time to let go. The Key is to know when to do so.... I'm a true believer in "forgiving" , it doesn't mean though that they get to come back into my life. It really is a personal choice to "buy back" all the baggage sometimes.... It's hard to explain honestly but I thought about breaking up with her a million times because I just didn't trust her anymore. I loved her deeply and she was my best friend but it was just impossible for me to get over. I guess I just hate seeing other people go through what I went through...
Author h0000 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Sometimes it takes moving on to the wrong ones to realise you had the right one all along. And should he moved on to the right ones, you would never be remembered again. Doesnt it feel like he just cant find a better one? would you feel like a last resort?
Author h0000 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Enough time passed. The issues that caused the breakup resolved. And obviously, both feel love for each other. If say two years down the track someone reconnects with their ex, becomes friends gets to know each other again, both have grown and matured, both want the same things, and the feelings remain. That is a good scenario. But reasons- I don't know about that. Reasons can be misleading, people change their minds all the time. There is always a risk taken with second chances, you either take the chance of you don't. So true. People change their minds all the time.And you might not like the reason behind it I guess some people will always doubt why they change their minds..
Author h0000 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Try getting that out of the back of your mind when you get your ex back. I tried as hard as I could but no matter what I did I couldn't block out the fact that she gave up on me before. It was painful spending moments with her that should've been happy when in the back of mind I had to realize this person dumped me already once, what's to stop her from suddenly doing it again? Not everyone will do it again you know..I personally wouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. And I also believe if she really dumps you again you will find it much easier to cope.
Salvatore85 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Not everyone will do it again you know..I personally wouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. And I also believe if she really dumps you again you will find it much easier to cope. She did dump me again lol and this time what I've gone through is far far worse.
Author h0000 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 oh really..maybe i missed something..i thought you were together right now..
crederer Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Yah I know plenty of people that broke up, got back together and are really good now. It usually had to do with a big event that caused one partner to get cold feet. Never, though, did I see anyone cheat and get back together for it to last long term.
travelonic Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Inability to commit is however, and breaking up is a symptom of that. A breakup may be, but conversely, not all breakups are symptom of that. Even if it can be though, WHY is it a permanent bar from trying again in the far future - especially if there is no abuse or infidelity involved? Do people not change over time? Want to, eventually, become more settled than they may be at the point in time at a breakup? Granted, I am talking a variable period of many, many months to even years, but st ill... don't you think this perspective is a bit ... bitter? And I HAVE been cheated on, which is arguably far worse than a breakup that has nothing to do with infidelity or abuse ever will be - which I also underwent before the doomed relationship..
Author h0000 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Yah I know plenty of people that broke up, got back together and are really good now. It usually had to do with a big event that caused one partner to get cold feet. Never, though, did I see anyone cheat and get back together for it to last long term. what about commitment problems? or grass is greener problems?
Author h0000 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 A breakup may be, but conversely, not all breakups are symptom of that. Even if it can be though, WHY is it a permanent bar from trying again in the far future - especially if there is no abuse or infidelity involved? Do people not change over time? Want to, eventually, become more settled than they may be at the point in time at a breakup? Granted, I am talking a variable period of many, many months to even years, but st ill... don't you think this perspective is a bit ... bitter? And I HAVE been cheated on, which is arguably far worse than a breakup that has nothing to do with infidelity or abuse ever will be - which I also underwent before the doomed relationship.. I feel only a small amount of people would never want to commit.( Margaret Cho for example? She has an open marriage.) But many people will have GIGS when they are younger and eventually will settle when older. Or they thought they liked to go solo but in fact they just haven't met the one yet. Im wondering is it possible for two people to have not met at the right time(at least one party doesnt want to commit) first but as time goes by they grow up and things work out again.
polger Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Some people leave for another person and realize after the honeymoon phase dies down that their ex was a way better person. The problem with this is they then have to reconnect with an ex who was hurt and in most cases just tell them to get lost. The only way I think it could work out if it was 2+ years down the line and both parties grew and forgave the other person. The problem with this scenario, is that if somebody has left for another person then the dumpee normally develops a resolve around their ex and will allow very little contact. Don't take an ex back unless it is on your terms. You need to make the relationship work for you if you really want to take that risk.
Author h0000 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Some people leave for another person and realize after the honeymoon phase dies down that their ex was a way better person. The problem with this is they then have to reconnect with an ex who was hurt and in most cases just tell them to get lost. The only way I think it could work out if it was 2+ years down the line and both parties grew and forgave the other person. The problem with this scenario, is that if somebody has left for another person then the dumpee normally develops a resolve around their ex and will allow very little contact. Don't take an ex back unless it is on your terms. You need to make the relationship work for you if you really want to take that risk. I guess people will say " dont take them back you cant trust your partner again. When (s)he left you for someone (s)he can do it again" and you automatically become the second choice. But are you really? And if your heart really wants that person again..should you listen to you heart?
Salvatore85 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I guess people will say " dont take them back you cant trust your partner again. When (s)he left you for someone (s)he can do it again" and you automatically become the second choice. But are you really? And if your heart really wants that person again..should you listen to you heart? In reality you have to do what makes you happy. My having a negative experience in no way means it will happen to you as well. If deep down you feel like this person is worth fighting for than you have to take the correct course of action to win the back. Whatever that may be is for you to figure out but I won't tell you to against your heart...
Author h0000 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 I guess you did what your heart want at that time by taking her back ?Did you regret it? Or did you think it's a lesson and it's worth it? Sometimes I feel you have to go back and froth a few times before you completely feel this sh*t is getting old and your truly over it and you can truly move on lol
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