whatdreamsmaycome Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I feel like a zombie. I literally walk in stores with a very "disassociated" feeling. Like I'm invisible, or living in a dream state. And I still check the ex's facebook (though there was a period of time I stopped...) as well as a girl that he's interested - honestly probably one of many girls that he's chasing now. After talking to quite a few people about him, I've realized that I was completely duped by a player. I always thought I was way too smart for that, or that I would be completely turned off by the sleaziness of a player that I would run the other way. But this guy was so covert with his player ways. Nothing I could see except in hindsight. And I'm so angry, how could he ______? there are so many fill-in-the-blanks. Does anyone know how long the anger will last? And when will I start to feel better? 2
lop98 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I felt angry for about 4 months, then it stopped, it only stopped when I started going out more and bulding new stories with new people, but sometimes I get moments (a few hours every other day) when I can't stop thinking how he put on such a shameless nasty little show the whole time. It's been 9 months since BU, I remember feeling just like a zombie too for the first 3-4 months, so numb and hurt that there are not enough words to explain the void in the chest... the pain I felt seems so far away now, so I'll tell you that, believe it or not, just like a real wound, you heal... but you can't keep removing the band-aid, let's just say the scar will stay with you, who knows for how long, and definitely the memory of what happened and how much it hurt, so you want at the very least heal 'physically', and one step is to go as far as you can in removing FB from your radar. 1
clementyne Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) Hi, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, except it's been a bit longer since my BU and I'm still depressed/angry. So it's perfectly normal and there's no time limit as to how long you will feel like this, as everyone is different. You just have to go with your feelings as they come and not supress anything. In time you will feel better, but first you have to go through these stages to get there. The disassociated, "zombie" feeling you describe sounds like a type of depression brought on by shock or trauma. It's kinda like you're there but not quite connected with anything. I know the feeling very well as I was exactly like that the first few months...totally numb and empty. It's just the shock of the breakup. And like you, I too discovered some things about my ex recently which made me feel like he's not the person I thought he was. It's a horrible feeling. And I've done the whole FB snooping too, which caused me a lot of pain but kinda opened my eyes too. Like you, I feel angry and cheated, and keep questioning myself and the whole relationship. Anger is supposed to be healthy though, as long as you use it constructively. For me, it's helped to get him off that pedestal and pushed me towards taking steps to blocking him out of my life...cause even though I'm not in contact with him, I'm still exposing myself to him and his life via social media. And until we completely block them out, we won't be able to heal properly cause we're still obsessing over our exes, instead of focusing on ourselves. It's not easy, as it's taken me a long and very painful time to reach this stage. I still struggle every day, but taking even a small step towards putting him out of sight and protecting myself is a small victory for me. And it will be for you too. Just use this anger positively to see him for who he really is and understand that you had no hand in that. So instead of blaming yourself for getting duped, be thankful that you wised up and you're not wasting anymore of your precious time with him. Also, snooping on FB etc, while normal and understandable in the initial stages, is not really helpful in the long run cause it prevents you from healing...in fact it can be downright damaging as I have found. So step away from the social media, deactivate if necessary, but not before deleting/blocking your ex. Or you'll be tempted to keep checking and that will just give you more pain. Once you've done that, take time to focus on yourself and try to do things that you enjoy and make you feel good. So for every negative thought or times when you feel down, you have something positive to balance it out. The anger stage is variable, it lasts as long as it needs to in order for you to heal. I'm going through it now and trying to use it to force myself to focus on my life instead of his. I've wasted enough time on him already. I hope you can do the same for yourself too. Stay strong and hope you start healing soon Edited October 1, 2013 by clementyne 1
love1336x Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Angry pharse is part of the healing process I was angry at my ex for cheated for a good year... Eventually each day it died down, but boyyyy I was angry!!! You have to forgive and let go... Not easy, but possible..
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