lost_in_a_dream Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 so i posted in the friends section but really only had one response. I've done some soul searching and realized that my friend of 8 years (high school and now we're just finishing college) and I have stopped the flirting game as he called it and we had a one night stand/affair/whatever you want to call it at this point. We both argued and fought with one another about why we should or shouldn't be doing this (becoming physical) and now I'm left wondering what his feelings are. In the heat of the moment I told him we couldn't because I had a crush on him and my feelings were going to be hurt and it was going to be weird for us in the morning. He shut me up and said it wouldn't be weird for him and it shouldn't for me. That we'd still talk to one another, flirt, etc. Thing is... I really like him. And being intimate with him was very serious for me- he's the second guy i've been with, the first one only after he asked me to marry him (haha, long story there, too.) My friend knows everything about me and my past relationships but I have no idea how to approach him on the subject of 'we just slept together and I have feelings for you... how do you feel?' We usually only call or talk when one of us is having a problem in life or when we are bored and want to hang out... calling him to say that I've got it bad would be the last thing I'd do. What goes through a guys head when he sleeps with his friend? By the way, we became friends when I said 'lets be friends' when we were in high school and he wanted to date me. We have a long history together of just flirting and setting one another up... we've always talked about how we'd do this (become physical). Sigh... what does a guy think and or want from this?!
tattoomytoe Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 how long ago did you do "it"? and how long have you two not talked?
tiki Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Don't give out the pootie for free anymore. Make him work for it. If he won't work for it, find someone who will. You deserve a 'relationship' just like everyone else. Banging friends? Never a good idea. Unless you're just bored. Find something with depth.
Author lost_in_a_dream Posted November 29, 2004 Author Posted November 29, 2004 This past Friday night/Saturday morning. Before we (he) went to sleep I said that I'd probably leave while he was sleeping so that it wouldn't be so weird for me. He laughed and we spooned until he was snoring away and then I hit the road. So technically it's not been a long time... but it's all I can think of and I know he's busy with work and school at the moment and I am just a paranoid 22 year old who just figured out her feelings so I'm a bit antzy at the moment.
alphamale Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 See, in MOST male/female friendships one or the other wants more than friendship which is why I say that men should not be friends with women, men should be sleeping with women. In the past I slept with 2 long time female freinds and in both occasions it totally screwed up the relationship. But this was 15 yrs ago when I was in my mid 20s. I would not have sex with a long time female friend now cause of my experience and wisdom. I would have sex with a female acquaintance or female who has been a friend for a short time (say 2 or 3 months). This is why it is so hard to turn a friendly relationship into a romantic one. And it seems the longer you have been friends the harder it is to turn it romantic. He is most likely confused about you now and embarassed and just wants to stay away for a while.
tattoomytoe Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 well you LEFT him.....so if i were him i would be waiting on You to call, since you flaked.
Author lost_in_a_dream Posted November 29, 2004 Author Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by tiki Don't give out the pootie for free anymore. Make him work for it. If he won't work for it, find someone who will. You deserve a 'relationship' just like everyone else. Banging friends? Never a good idea. Unless you're just bored. Find something with depth. You say make him work for it... he mentioned during the afore mentioned activities that he's been working for it (after I said I wasn't that easy) for quite some time. sigh... I'm just a big chicken at saying 'we slept together and that's okay... but I have more than friendship feelings for you.' Thanks for the replies, though, everyone.
morrigan Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 he mentioned during the afore mentioned activities that he's been working for it (after I said I wasn't that easy) for quite some time. If you want a relationship with someone, don't have sex with them if they won't date you. If you want a sincere friendship with someone, don't mess it up by having sex with them. If you want to enjoy sex with a person you know, understand that sex is all you should expect from them, and it could end at any time. You can't just hop back to where your friendship was with this guy previously. Don't have sex with him again until you figure out what you want. If you want to date him, make it clear to him that is what you want. If he doesn't feel the same way, I'd say distance yourself from him--it's going to be uncomfortable to be around him.
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