omarthedude Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 So a while ago I posted a thread regarding a girl that I liked in my college class. At the end of it, we went out. Success! So thank you! I just want your opinions on this topic since you guys are so experienced. Here it goes: I see this girl 3 times a week as she's in my college classes and some of her friends are my friends. My buddies at college are always asking me to socialize over weekends but sometimes I have dates over the weekend so I can't join them. Now, seeing as how this girl is part of the same social circle as I am and no doubt her girlfriends are already in the know about her little date over the weekend, do you think it's okay to show or even mention to your other friends that you're going out with other girls? That you have options? In front of someone you went out with earlier? Does that make a guy more attractive in the sense that he has options and that he's willing to walk away? That he is valuable and 'chase-able'? What would be the most attractive thing to do in a situation where you are asked what you're up to during the weekend and you have a date with someone...and this other girl you like is listening in? I would really appreciate your thoughts on this.
princess_peach Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Does that make a guy more attractive in the sense that he has options and that he's willing to walk away? That he is valuable and 'chase-able'? No, at least not to me. If I'm seeing a guy that I'm really into and we're not yet in an exclusive relationship, I would much rather not know about his other dates, unless for whatever reason he isn't seeing anyone else. I would feel hurt and jealous and think that he isn't really serious about me. 5
crederer Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 What? No man, if she is even interested in you at all she already knows you're a catch and that you potentially have other options. Don't play games. Just go with the flow. If you have another date simply state "I have plans", and don't get detailed about it around her unless you want her to completely ignore you from here on til infinity. 2
Author omarthedude Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 No, at least not to me. If I'm seeing a guy that I'm really into and we're not yet in an exclusive relationship, I would much rather not know about his other dates, unless for whatever reason he isn't seeing anyone else. I would feel hurt and jealous and think that he isn't really serious about me. Yeah, I was gravitating towards just saying, "I have plans." It seems more mature to respond that way. Also, on a kind of unrelated note, on our date this past weekend, she mentioned this other dude in our class, and said that she found him to be cute. I, not wanting to seem jealous, simply laughed it off. What do you make of this? Mind you, that this is a girl who kept on reminding about our date throughout the week. LOL So she is interested, but what's that cute guy thing supposed to mean? Thoughts? Is she eyeing someone else too?
TB Rhine Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Women desire mates of high status/social value. So yes - if you were a socially inept introvert without a dime to your name, there's little chance ANY woman would give you the time of day. I wouldn't suggest going out of your way to demonstrate that value, however, as any woman halfway worth getting to know is going to see right through that, and it's going to seem incredibly, incredibly trifling.
Phoe Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 If a guy did that to me I'd likely lose all interest. 4
OJ loved Nicole Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 do you think it's okay to show or even mention to your other friends that you're going out with other girls? That you have options? In front of someone you went out with earlier? Does that make a guy more attractive in the sense that he has options and that he's willing to walk away? That he is valuable and 'chase-able'? TB Rhine has is right. Yes, it's 100% ok. It's an attraction switch. Don't take my word google "dating preselection".
Author omarthedude Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Well I'm not gonna mention my other dates just to show my 'high social status'. If she is interested to begin with, she should see through all that. What I mean is, what if I was talking to someone and said something like 'Can't make it, I'm taking someone out to the arts festival this weekend,' and she overheard it - she tends to contribute to every conversation I take part in. Lol - what then? Would she lose interest? Or become more curious?
ascendotum Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) Well I'm not gonna mention my other dates just to show my 'high social status'. If she is interested to begin with, she should see through all that. What I mean is, what if I was talking to someone and said something like 'Can't make it, I'm taking someone out to the arts festival this weekend,' and she overheard it - she tends to contribute to every conversation I take part in. Lol - what then? Would she lose interest? Or become more curious? imo - "become more curious". the way you put in this post, it is not coming off as some sort of pua tactic to demonstrate social proof. It is a legitimate action to do, in terms of seeing other people as potential options (you are still single) or as social acquaintances. Also that you going out and doing interesting activities and your social life does not revolve around this little group. As you realize it also however has the added bonus of signaling to the girl that you (may) have other options. while a few women here say doing such would put them off, I would wager the majority of women would be intrigued in you to a greater extent than before. If this other outing is BS then saying it strictly as a projection of 'social proof' comes of as lame when you admit to it (but its not a bad concept) but if you legitimately are going to this festival then I would expect more good than harm would come from dropping it into conversation rather than hiding the fact. Edited October 1, 2013 by ascendotum
phineas Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Well I'm not gonna mention my other dates just to show my 'high social status'. If she is interested to begin with, she should see through all that. What I mean is, what if I was talking to someone and said something like 'Can't make it, I'm taking someone out to the arts festival this weekend,' and she overheard it - she tends to contribute to every conversation I take part in. Lol - what then? Would she lose interest? Or become more curious? you got plans. Leave it at that. My chick friends wanted to go out Friday for happy hr. I had a chick coming over for dinner, movie, & sex. I told them I had plans. They respected that & didn't get nosy. The only time being a guy with options actually works is before you meet the woman & she see's you out with a different women every weekend (women want what other women have/want) Or after you meet her & she's playing games. Then letting her know you have options lets her know what ever games she is playing are done. Women who you are just getting to know and who are not playing games will assume you are talking to other women because they are talking to other men & to put it out in the open can be a turn-off.
todreaminblue Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 i don't find it attractive, if i really liked someone for some strange reason i would hope they felt the same way if i heard a guy i liked talking about dating other girls........it would actually turn me off.......i wouldnt want to listen i woudl walk away........and i would consider that guy taken from then......i dont go for guys who are dating other women...because i am not a multiple dater myself i expect the same..........deb 1
salparadise Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I agree with some of the others... don't say things designed to create the impression that you have options, be the kind of person who actually does have options and allow her to sense that through your demeanor of self-worth, confidence and stability. Overtly trying to create that impression will have the inverse effect. That doesn't mean you have to develop other options, just be the kind of person who has the confidence and self-respect to exit a relationship that isn't working to find one that does. If you're multi-dating, as it seems from your post, she'll probably know it or sense it. You aren't going to build anything real with one person while dating several, so you'll have to decide at some point if she's worth focusing on exclusively or if you just want to maintain a bunch of loose connections. 5
pinkstar Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Like other girls here, no!! It happened to me recently and I lost interest in that guy 1
Author omarthedude Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I can see how this would 'put her off'. But I intentions are solely to be honest and frank. I don't beat around the bush. I'm legitimately taking another girl out to an arts fest and another one rock climbing this weekend. They're casual dates to just get to know one another and were planned before this college date came along.
Author omarthedude Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 TB Rhine has is right. Yes, it's 100% ok. It's an attraction switch. Don't take my word google "dating preselection". I looked up Dating Preselection. I've heard of something like this before and it does seem to work, yes. But in my case, I'm not consciously going out with these girls to get this one girl interested in me. It's just what it is. Question is, the way she's eyeing this other guy in class, would it matter if she heard I was dating other girls? Or would she just let it slide?
truth_seeker Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Girls do want what others girls have, but it doesn't mean they necessarily want the guy exclusively. They just want to see if they can get the guy. That's all.
OJ loved Nicole Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I looked up Dating Preselection. I've heard of something like this before and it does seem to work, yes. But in my case, I'm not consciously going out with these girls to get this one girl interested in me. It's just what it is. Question is, the way she's eyeing this other guy in class, would it matter if she heard I was dating other girls? Or would she just let it slide? Exactly! You don't go out with other women to get this one interested, you just go out with other women. From what you said: "on our date this past weekend, she mentioned this other dude in our class, and said that she found him to be cute." To me, that's a clear sign of non-interest in you. Women won't mention other men as cute if they are interested in you. So, go out with other women, don't be afraid to bring them around her. Keep communicating with her, keep giving her IOI's, and if she's interested in you she'll let you know. If not, your good, dating other women and enjoying life. Preselection and IOI's are all from the PUA community. I've been out of "the game" for a while and you won't get much support here on LS about PUA. Google "PUA forum" and there are several books out there too. A lot of sources on how to build attraction. Not gimmicky stuff, they will teach you about hard wired attraction switches in women. Some you can't control (wealth/social status) and some you can. Pm me if you'd like. 1
crederer Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) I've heard of this preselection stuff. It's not all that accurate. There have been many times where I was at a social event and I picked some girl to go after. We hit it off pretty good. Then, as to keep the conversation from turning stale, I got her number and said I'd call them, still lingered around, though. I have a few female friends that are attractive and were there. I started talking to them for a while. Then the other girl came up to me and basically said not to bother calling her cause she's not interested in a guy that goes around trying to get numbers from every girl he sees (which isn't what I was doing at all). And similar situations have happened to me before several times as well (except maybe in some of the situations I was trying to get several numbers ). Sometimes it was in reverse order (i.e flirted and got a number, then went up to another girl that was eyeing me. had a good conversation and she basically said no to giving me her number cause she noticed I already got someone elses number) Preselection might work with some women, but in my own experiences, a woman wants to feel special and not just some "other girl" to add to your blackbook. Edited October 1, 2013 by crederer 1
Author omarthedude Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Exactly! You don't go out with other women to get this one interested, you just go out with other women. From what you said: "on our date this past weekend, she mentioned this other dude in our class, and said that she found him to be cute." To me, that's a clear sign of non-interest in you. Women won't mention other men as cute if they are interested in you. So, go out with other women, don't be afraid to bring them around her. Keep communicating with her, keep giving her IOI's, and if she's interested in you she'll let you know. If not, your good, dating other women and enjoying life. Preselection and IOI's are all from the PUA community. I've been out of "the game" for a while and you won't get much support here on LS about PUA. Google "PUA forum" and there are several books out there too. A lot of sources on how to build attraction. Not gimmicky stuff, they will teach you about hard wired attraction switches in women. Some you can't control (wealth/social status) and some you can. Pm me if you'd like. Yup. What's funny is that the whole 'we want what we can't have' concept is backing up on me, 'cause now I can't get my mind off this girl even though the girl I'm dating next weekend clicks so much better with me. In fact, I know that she's better than this previous girl but I can't help wanting her more. lol Attraction can be a pain! What's an IOI? And how do I employ it here? I can't send PMs for some reason .
OJ loved Nicole Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) I've heard of this preselection stuff. It's not all that accurate. I'm not here to defend preselection, this isn't a PUA forum, I didn't invent it, and I don't care if you use it or not. All I'm saying is: it exists, there have been university studies on it, books written on it, and I've had personal success with it (in and out of relationships). With all that documentation, there has to be some truth to it. What's an IOI? And how do I employ it here? I can't send PMs for some reason . IOI= indication of interest (more PUA stuff). Edited October 2, 2013 by OJ loved Nicole
TB Rhine Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Most girls are not fans of multidating. Unless they're the ones doing it. 1
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