Nice Guys Vs Jerks part MXXVIIXI Jerks are nice...to women they like.

[Shaun-Dro]

If only that worked. Being honorable now, as it likely did 70,000 years ago, only gets you eaten by lions.

 

 

This isn't about trying to fit into a mold. Jerks particularly don't try to fit anyone elses mold. They have their boundaries and enforce them against other men, and women they aren't into. So when they are into a woman they relax and are a bit nicer. Thus making the woman feel special that he's being nice to her. Understand?

 

You make a few good points but neglect to understand that the Jerk really does act like an ass to his woman on ocassion to keep her in check when she misbehaves, so-to-speak.

[Ryan R.]

I don't think you're splitting any atoms here, my friend. All of us put up certain behaviors around certain people. When I'm interviewing for a job, I'm pretending to be the most upstanding young man I can be. When I'm around someone I don't care for, I tend to ignore them or make little of their statements. That's why I never really got when people said "be yourself". I don't think there's any "true" self, just sides of our personality we decide to show at convenient times.

 

I also don't believe there are any such things as "jerks". These guys usually get the girls because they're much more assertive and they usually have the looks to back up this assertiveness. People in general aren't attracted to people with bland, people-pleasing personalities.

[Ryan R.]

 

Sorry I'd love to help fix the roof on your house in the middle of winter.... but I have my own family to think about. The result is... the person you don't help freezes. That's jerky.

 

 

One cannot separate the not helping, or not going out of your way to help, from the result of inaction. Not doing something for someone can be just as aggressive and jerky a move as doing something actively hostile to them.

 

Not helping someone out with something is not being a jerk. Every family has their own responsibility to be self-reliant. I cannot carry the world on my shoulders.

[M30USA]

They are jerks in the sense that they look out for their families first. They are nice and kind, to their families and friends and extended families, and that's it.

 

Jesus said:

 

"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 10:37-39 ESV)

 

When you realize there is nothing in this life (other than Jesus) worth selling out for, then you see there is nothing to gain by being a "jerk". People are jerks because they realize it helps them achieve worldly success, including women. Reject what the world has to offer and follow Christ's lead.

Edited October 1, 2013 by M30USA

[Els]

See what I mean? Are the gentelmen described above either jerky to everyone or nice to everyone? No. They are jerky to everyone else and nice to their family friend and allies. Hence, there is a benefit to being on their good side.

 

Well, I think our definitions of 'jerk' are very, very disparate. Someone charging strangers for services isn't 'being a jerk', IMO.

 

If this is what you truly meant by your OP (don't let your family die of starvation so you can give strangers free stuff), yeah, I absolutely agree with it. But it really doesn't sound that way at all.

 

I have a feeling all the young, impressionable guys who read this are going to interpret your OP the same way I did - literally 'be a jerk to everyone except the woman you want to fsck'.

[Mrlonelyone]

@Ryan R

 

 

What you are saying does not prove what I have been saying wrong. You act one "nice" way with people you want to know better and be around. i.e. a prospective employer (or a girlfriend or a goo friend or someone you work with and like). Meanwhile someone you don't care for you may well be jerky to.

 

 

You don't have to do anything actively aggressive to be jerky to someone.

 

 

You can be a great guy in the eyes of one small select set of people and a total ass in the eyes of most of the rest of the world. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.

 

 

@Mme. Chaucer

 

 

You are right that someone trying to adopt a personal style to attract someone is not the way to go. I would in fact say that genuinely doing this is something that comes from learning how to set personal boundaries.

 

 

Another way of looking at the self described and other described nice and "too nice" guys is that they have no boundaries. Not only are they doormats that get walked on... they bow down and wash the feet of others.

 

 

@Sheepp

 

 

I can't sit here and in a 140 word or 500 character board posting give a detailed description of real human behavior. My examples are extreme and stark because they drive the point home.

 

 

It's one thing to talk about how much women admire men who are self sacrificing, and nice to everyone, and etc. However human history proves such men while admired dont' get the girls. Or they get the girls after she's had someone else's babies then had her tubes tied.

 

 

 

 

Look at what happens in places where the government breaks down. Take away civil society and very quickly the most aggressive, most resourceful, most clever and cunning, and by and large the most violent men take care of themselves and the women and children related to them.

 

 

See for examples:

Somalia -

New Orleans post Katrina -

 

 

 

 

@Shaun-Dro

 

 

In my original post I used that video clip to point out that I don't mean people who treat everyone like dirt.

 

 

I am talking about normal ordinary guys who "nice guys" sit and look at and think.... "Why do those girls like him he's such a jerk?" Those guys may be jerky to almost everyone... then when such a man is actually nice to a woman it flatters her.

 

 

 

 

Let me shift gears for a moment. Lets talk about guys who are jerky to everyone, but only initially nice to women they like,...only to be @$$holes

latter.

 

 

You are right that often such men show their true colors and are jerky to their woman sometimes. This usually has the effect of making the typically very young woman want to please him in any way she can to get back the nice guy he was for a while. A woman may spend years, having sex on sex, with no wedding ring, and a couple kids by such a guy, trying to get the validation of earning his affection.

 

 

Now is the above behavior healthy? No.

Is the above behavior "high quality"? Heck no.

Is the above an ideal or even good situation? No.

 

 

In the end that guy just got a woman to give him a couple kids and some of her best years for little investment from him. Meanwhile a nice honorable guy got to play with it.

 

 

There is nothing more honorable than victory. That's true in war, and it's true in love.

Edited October 2, 2013 by Mrlonelyone

[Mrlonelyone]

Correction: Jerks are nice to the girls they like in the beginning. After the girl is hooked, their true colors come out. Alot of so called seemingly beta "nice guys" are jerks too. Not just cute, muscular, rugged, super confident or arrogant men do this. Huge misconception on Loveshack. I dont agree with the beta vs alpha division.

 

Alpha/beta/omega guys act that way until a girl is attached and then their jerk-ish qualities come out. This sums up about 80% of my dating experiences. I see no point in being attached to a guy until youve dated him for at least 4 months due to this

 

 

I would agree to an extent. However, that could also be the honeymoon ending in a relationship. People get to a point and realize that prince Charming while not a frog is just a man.