Are there any happy stories?

[jba10582]

Are there any stories here where a couple had let go of their own pride and took the time apart to improve themselves with the self-awareness that maybe they had some blame in the break-up and were later able to re-unite stronger than before?

[Romaks]

I've thought about this a lot and I have come to a few conclusions:

 

There are plenty of happy stories out there, and usually, no one is going to come back here and post them because they're obviously happy, and they have no need nor desire to come back here and post since they're off living their happy lives once more.

 

I think people (myself included) that browse this site a lot tend to come out with a very cynical perspective on things since we read so much about heartbreak, trying to move on, and other forms of suffering.

 

No one's going to come to a relationship advice forum just to talk about how great things are with their significant other. Makes sense?

 

Occasionally you'll see some because the poster is obligated to finish his/her story that happened to end in success.

 

You're probably asking this because of what you're going through, and rest assured we all want the same thing. What I can say is take all forms of advice with a grain of salt, and make your own conclusions. No one has a correct formula or a step-by-step method for relationship success.

 

I'll give you the best form of advice you'll ever receive here. Make some changes in your life for the better...whatever that may be. Don't get stuck. Continue to improve, don't give up, and put in some real effort because you are sure to be blessed with your hard work in one way or another.

[organizedchaos]

I've thought about this a lot and I have come to a few conclusions:

 

There are plenty of happy stories out there, and usually, no one is going to come back here and post them because they're obviously happy, and they have no need nor desire to come back here and post since they're off living their happy lives once more.

 

I think people (myself included) that browse this site a lot tend to come out with a very cynical perspective on things since we read so much about heartbreak, trying to move on, and other forms of suffering.

 

No one's going to come to a relationship advice forum just to talk about how great things are with their significant other. Makes sense?

 

Occasionally you'll see some because the poster is obligated to finish his/her story that happened to end in success.

 

You're probably asking this because of what you're going through, and rest assured we all want the same thing. What I can say is take all forms of advice with a grain of salt, and make your own conclusions. No one has a correct formula or a step-by-step method for relationship success.

 

I'll give you the best form of advice you'll ever receive here. Make some changes in your life for the better...whatever that may be. Don't get stuck. Continue to improve, don't give up, and put in some real effort because you are sure to be blessed with your hard work in one way or another.

 

Good points. And to add to that. No one here knows the ins and outs of your relationship like you do. We obviously don't have every detail, every conversation. We do not know either party personally. So any advice you receive here is based on generalities. Every person is different. Every relationship is different. Use the advice here but always remember nothing is set in stone.

[hinatticus]

....Also, people who post their happy ending often do it only once, after that they disappear or just post on other people's threads. That would be a description of me. Posted my happy ending and now I come back time to time to help a few people out. This place helped me so I am giving back.

 

If you read my thread there was little hope for me, but I kept on truckin.

[rakasan]

Great thread idea and even greater responses. Even if everyone's situation varies, I too think it would be nice to hear from people who made it out okay. I hope to come back one day with mine!

[jba10582]

I have very little bitterness over my situation and do not have the need to get my ex to grovel back to me. I am trying to take the approach of (NIV) 1 cor 13- 4:7 for anyone that may read the bible. I am actually taking my own responsiblity and blame in the break-up and trying to improve myself via lots of exercise, counseling, eating well, socializing and continuing to do well at work. In some ways, it gave me a sense of things I had been neglecting anyway.

Edited October 2, 2013 by jba10582

[btyoung21]

Just yesterday.. I felt like I was given a new lease on life.

 

Folks,

 

I keep this as short as I can.

 

Me and my ex were living together for 3 years. I was in a successful career and she was in-and-out of jobs. The relationship was also pretty one-sided towards my end. We would always go out with my friends and not hers. I was a pretty demanding boyfriend, in retrospect.

 

Fast forward 3 years, she got accepted into medical school. Hooray for her but not for me!!! We found ourselves spending less and less time with each other. I kept fighting her about it, complaining that I miss and need her. This fighting went on from June to August of this year. Things came to a head in August 30. We fought about her not being able to spend the weekend of me because of exams, the she finally broke it off. She told me I was always selfish, unsupportive and never compromised with her wants/needs. She was so tired of catering to me, and its time she focuses on herself first. I cried, begged, pleaded and did everything to get her back. I was an emotional wreck but she seemed fine. After advise from Thora-Tiki, I gave NC a chance.

 

I started NC Aug 25 and broke it just a while ago.. I brought dinner to her place (surprise) and things just started to piece together. She asked me why she'll give me a chance. Told her that being away from each other was good, I learned how to evolve and be a better man. And that she only deserves the best from me. We agreed to hang out next week again, but we are limiting it to once a week since we're not back together anyway. I lost weight and got back to my old form. Being buff and fit definitely brings that swagger back, Lord knows looks are always a factor too!!!! I'll keep improving on that aspect.

 

Old me: Selfish, always complaining, inconsiderate, brash, irritable, selfish

 

New me: Confident, patient, understanding and willing to sacrifice my own wants for the other

 

Let's see what happens, but no other way but up for me!!! I also wanna send a shout-out to Thora-Tiki for helping me thru this dark time! The master of Reconnection!!

[Fufu]

I believe there are some cases here or out there with second chances working out. However, I always believe that when a relationship just broken, do not think about second chances, it will create a barrier and hinder in emotional healing.

 

I was in this forum in year 2010 feeling devastated after experiencing a break up from my ex of 3 years. And during the recovering process, I kept hoping my ex will eventually return, he didn't. I healed after about 1 and a half year. Recently got attached to my ex (not this ex of 3 years, but my another ex that I used to date for a short while 7-8 years ago).

 

Fate and destiny in love relationships truly bizarre and unexpected.

[OklahomaJones]

I was recently dating a woman who is a drug and sex addict and she said I deserved better than her and that she wasn't worth it for me.. she has serious self esteem issues, but I really liked her.. I didn't judge her on her addictions, I like her personality, but it would be nice if she didn't have addictions. Either way, I'm all torn up over her, and she is seeing some guy who is no where near as good as me, but he shares the same addiction demons with her... Life sucks, then you die I guess.. but in the meantime you move on with it.

[r321148]

I think my story is a happy one but not in the way you mean.

My ex split up with me as I told her I might have to leave if I couldn't find work. The relationship was otherwise great and I know I always treated her well. She cried then broke up with me the next day saying she didn't want to end up with us hating each other and that she needed to focus on her own things. I didn't understand her reasoning but we agreed to stay friends.

I tried a few times to make contact and be friendly towards her but she ignored me.

Anyway the happy part: I got a great job and get to stay in a city I love. I got a promotion after 2 weeks and my boss has stated he wants to make me a partner in a few years time. I have got back into my sports and am doing well in them and really enjoying myself. I've met up with old friends and have made some great new ones. I'm not sure any of this would have happened if we'd stayed together. The breakup really worked as a spur and focused my mind into getting exactly what I want and now I think I have done/am doing that. I have a couple of girls interested. I don't like them as much as I like my ex, but it made me realise that I don't need to focus energy on someone who doesn't want me. Eventually a girl who does want me will be one that I do have a spark with.

I don't know if there is chance of reconciliation with my ex and realistically I don't care. I don't hate her and have no real hard feelings about her. If she comes back I'll assess things at that point. If she doesn't then I'll find someone else.

PS. I just re-read this post and it sounds a bit arrogant. I don't consider myself arrogant but sometimes the best way to get over things is to realise your own worth.

[MrWhite]

Here is my second change story. 20 years later.

My wife and I broke up before we were married. We meet in High school and I dated her for four years. During the four years we lived together then separate because of school. (Different Universities) The relationship ended when I started doing more and more of my own thing and she thought I would never mature. (Both 22 years old) I believed getting married at 22-23 was too early. We both did not have a grasp of the future; have jobs, the maturity, etc... I also never propose moving back in together or marriage during this time. I assumed that we would get married and never thought of talking about it. I always assumed we would. I was young and dumb I guess. I a flash she "dumped" me and broke my heart. One day she called and told me she was with someone else and I needed to never talk to her again. I think her friends convinced her that being with me was a bad choice. “Four years of dating, move on...." "There are better guys out there than him..." I never had intentions of breaking up with her or being with any other women. That was a very painful part of my life. I was blindsided and fell into a depression. She dated another man and did sleep with him for about a year. There was very little contact we had during that time. She did call to check in a few times. Each time I said the same thing. I wished her the best, I told her if she needs to be happy, and I was going to be fine. I told her she needed to find herself, do what was the best for herself, and not to include me in her life anymore. I told her we should not be friends; I was angry about the break-up, and very angry about her sleeping with someone else. She chose the nuclear option and we should not talk anymore. She should have talked to me about everything instead of running off with another man. (Grass is greener)

I did the no contact method not to try to get her back, but to move on.

(FYI: follow the NC rules for yourself!)

I was still hung up on her, but was moving on. I finally accepted she was gone and needed to do my own thing and start my own life. I was pinning over her and still angry about all of it. I never tried to contact her and torture myself. In the end, I did re-find myself, started to do what I liked to do, had plenty of friends, and finished school. I never did date or sleep with any other women during this time. I had my heart broken and the last thing I needed was anymore of that.

After about a year went by and she contacted me. I assume she called to “check in” to make she made the right decision. I repeated the same information of she needs to go do her own thing and I need to do mine. I was more of a free spirit; I was starting to be happy again, and got some pleasure in the fact that I was no longer bound to her in anyway. I told her of the highlights of what I was up to, but kept the conversation limited and reserved. She had no influence on me anymore even though I still wished things would have worked out. I reminded her that we should have been together, I still had feelings for her, I would have loved her forever, and we should have been married. I did reminded her that she ruined our relationship and that she should have not done what she did. I also decided to take some of the blame for not evolving and apologized for it. It was true, however, did not justify her actions.

She called me out of nowhere after a year and she wanted to talk to me. This was very strange since I made it clear it was a bad idea. We were not “friends”, nor should we be friends. She hurt me and I did not need to re-visit the past. I told her it was a one sided break-up and I was unhappy about it. I told her to move on and forget about me.

A week past and she called me again. She still wanted to meet and talk. I was feeling good and agreed. I was finally ready to confront the person you hurt me the most in my life and finalize everything.

 

In the end she came back humbly suggesting we get back together. When we first met to see each other again in person, I was amazed by this these facts. I realized I did not need her anymore, she was totally different than I remembered, looked different to me, she was not the same person I had stuck in my mind. When seeing her face to face I instantly was thinking of just ending it right there. “Who the heck are you and why did I agree to this! …” I was pining over someone who hurt me very badly and is not the person I had envisioned in my mind.

We talked it out, we both apologized and we started to see each other again at a very slow pace. I was still not sure that this was going to go anywhere. It was like dating a totally different person. We certainly did not pick up where we left off. I told her that any trust and any of the previous positive ground in our relationship was lost. She needs to start fresh with me. It took some man power, not a loss of man power, to accept her back into my life. We screwed up and she screwed up badly.

It took another four years before I proposed to her.

 

(Jump into the future)

I have been happily married to her for 20 years now.

I can say sometimes to this day I wish I took the “blue pill” and never reengage in the relationship.

Fantasy flashbacks I assume….

Not that anything has happened in the 20 years of marriage.

Something should have never have happened.

 

It does still haunt me thinking about her sleeping with another person.

That is what I’m looking up on the forum. “Painful memories revisited.”

Forgive and forget is not real. I forgave her, but somehow I cannot forget.

My suggestion to most people about: “second chances”… move on.

What has been done cannot be undone.

 

Even after 20 years after she dumped me, slept with another man, and I accepted her back; I still painfully revisit that memory from time to time.

I do love her, we have a great life, however; no one should do that to another person.

 

I have accepted my life with her and life is great.

She will get 99% of my trust and 99% of my love. 1% can never be regained.

If you believe in “true love”, are overly melodramatic, believe in the concept of a “soul mate”, and are deeply philosophic, want “over the top, perfect romance love”; then a second chance is not for you.

I (or her) can never say “we have always been together”, “we have always been faithful to each other”, “we have been in love with each other the moment we meet”, “we have never been without each other”, and “I have never done anything to hurt my spouse”.

I her talk about the history of our relationship with others and how we meet until now. She always excluding the time we were apart. She can easily jump past this time in our lives. Every time she tells the story I drift into my thoughts of that time and think about the pain she caused me.

 

Second chances do exist.

Second chances do have happy endings.

20 years afterwards, and I am happy.

Second chances are, and never will be “perfect”.

Edited October 21, 2013 by MrWhite

[chados]

getting back together is not always the happy ending. i learned that the hard way and im very grateful for it now. i would say my whole life changed, because when we were together i had thoughts like, is this really what i want etc. then she broke up with me. probably because even though i didnt say anything i was getting to comfortable. same routins every day. its boring but i learned from it.

 

i was not feeling good trust me. it was horrible. and the reason for that was simply because i was not only hurt because she left me in a very immature cold and harsh way but also because i actually believed that i wanted her back. it took me a while but one day i told my self to get out of the house. this is a long story but i found a girl outside the country, who spoke my second language which is english. weve been together for 2 years now and ive never looked back.

 

you need to be able to let go before you can understand any of this. because right now your main focus is to get back together with this guy. who knows, maybe you will get back together. but dont think for a second that he is the only guy in the world.

[Peanut9330]

There are also a lot of instances where the dumper comes back and the dumpee doesn't to peruse the relationship anymore. Happened to me a few times one of my ex's even came back after 6 years. There are many stories of success but just like other people said time apart and self improvement is key.

[golk]

I got a second chance (or I should say SHE got a second chance) and I can say that I'm happy... about 90% of the time. My ex and I have been officially together for a little bit now but the thing about second chances is that they're hard. Extremely hard. The hardest part is accepting what happened while you two weren't together and forgiving the person. Like Mr.White said above me, it seems I can forgive her and we have great times together but I won't forget it.

 

The past can definitely come back into my mind sometimes and haunt me which puts an unnecessary strain on our relationship. Will a second chance work long term? I don't know but at least I can say I gave it a shot.

[BC1980]

For me, I would be so cautious even if my ex did want a second chance. In my heart, I do want a second chance with him; I can't deny that. But when I think about it logically, it would be really hard at this point. It was a very emotional breakup on both ends, and the thought of that happening again is awful. I couldn't go through it again, and I'm sure he feels the same way quite honestly. He actually told me that one of the reasons he doesn't want a second chance right now is that he is protecting himself because it was so devastating to him to admit the relationship wasn't working. He went through a lot to even get to the point of breaking up with me, so I know he went through hell too. Who would want to revisit that?

 

That is why it seems that it takes a lot of time, many months or a year, to get back together successfully. It takes time to grieve separately. Even when we get nostalgic, we are only remembering the good. We aren't remembering the reality.

[MrWhite]

Simple answer. Give it a shot. What do you have to loose?