LilySun Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I haven't seen the Ex in almost 6 months, and I'm still very depressed. Eating and sleeping is even a big task. And his new relationship is moving very fast apparently and they are moving very fast and moving in together already. I could hardly get him to spend much time with me and he acted like I was just a burden so it kills me that she is so great that he is changing his life for her and they just got together maybe 3 months ago. I have tried meeting and talking with men because if I find one I like I know that it would help me move on. But I dont like any of them very much. None do the things my Ex did as far as the things that made me very happy. These guys like me and try to get to know me and its like I have no feelings for them what so ever. I have tried getting a one night stand a couple times but when it comes down to it I don't want that intimacy with anyone except my ex. I was very comfortable with him. Almost 6 months! How long is this going to take?! When will I stop missing him so much and being so sad? When will I stop thinking about him and her together? I try to occupy myself at work and weekends but I'm alone the rest of the time and I can't stop thinking about it.
RiceaRoni Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I haven't seen the Ex in almost 6 months, and I'm still very depressed. Eating and sleeping is even a big task. And his new relationship is moving very fast apparently and they are moving very fast and moving in together already. I could hardly get him to spend much time with me and he acted like I was just a burden so it kills me that she is so great that he is changing his life for her and they just got together maybe 3 months ago. I have tried meeting and talking with men because if I find one I like I know that it would help me move on. But I dont like any of them very much. None do the things my Ex did as far as the things that made me very happy. These guys like me and try to get to know me and its like I have no feelings for them what so ever. I have tried getting a one night stand a couple times but when it comes down to it I don't want that intimacy with anyone except my ex. I was very comfortable with him. Almost 6 months! How long is this going to take?! When will I stop missing him so much and being so sad? When will I stop thinking about him and her together? I try to occupy myself at work and weekends but I'm alone the rest of the time and I can't stop thinking about it. Okay so first I wanna ask...how do you know so much about his life after you two have been broken up? You've stated you know about his new relationship and how long they've been together and what not...which tells me you gotta be keeping tabs somewhere.. Stop checking up on him. That's the main thing right now. Don't look, don't have anything to do with him...it just hinders your healing. You gotta block him anywhere and everywhere. Because it's doing no good. As for dating new men, you aren't ready and that's okay...you just need time to heal more and to make more time for yourself. This is the time where it's all about you dear. You need to take a break, get away from everything regarding relationships, new guys, your ex, his life, etc...focus on yourself and your responsibilities and your dreams. It's difficult, I know, but it's what you gotta do if you want to heal. Take some time with family and friends. That's your support right there. Those people care about you and are in your life currently. Come on here and vent. Do some activities like a 5k run or take a dance class or go out of town with friends. Anything to get you outside and lessening the pain. You got this. 4
Mr Scorpio Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 No one can say how long it will take for your pain to subside. But Rice is right as well as nutritious, stop learning about what your ex is up to. Other than contacting him, that is the worst thing that you could do. And in my opinion, six months isn't that long after the loss of a serious relationship. Keep posting. 1
Author LilySun Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I hang out with friends as much as I can, but they aren't available much through weekdays, mostly just weekends. And I've joined a softball team, but its a struggle to get myself there still...I have fun when I'm doing fun things but deep down I am still very sad even if I smile or laugh...I only know things because of mutual friends mostly...I would have been okay with just remaining friends with him but he refused. I dont believe I would be as sad about his girlfriend even then because it would make me very happy if we were just friends or acquaintences. It hurts that he won't give me that much. I could live with having him in my life that way, but to he completely shut out is killing me. Its not that I would expect some kind of intense friendship but forgiving eachother would be nice and he has been too stubborn to do it. I forgive people easily but he doesn't...I admit all my faults, but he doesn't. The hardest part is being totally alone and sad knowing that he is not alone and blissfully happy. It feels unfair. I want what he has
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 For your own sanity, try very very hard not to find out anything else about your ex. It is delaying your healing. I understand when you say that you have zero interest in any guy. I am so turned off by guys right now that I haven't even reconnected with old platonic guy friends that I cut off during my relationship (ex was jealous type). All I want to do is be around my girl friends and family. I am taking a huge break from guys all together. I've had guys hit on me and it actually irritates me. I am honestly disgusted by men right now and I'm riding this out until I can deal with em again. lol. 2
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Also, I understand when you say that you may be smiling on the outside but you're sad inside. Me too. I'm pretty much going through the motions right now. I go to work, work out a lot, hang with friends and there are moments when I'm genuinely having a good time but I'm still sad. I smile and laugh but it never reaches my eyes. My soul is still sad. (BIG HUGS) to you... we will get through this and feel happy again someday.
Author LilySun Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 For your own sanity, try very very hard not to find out anything else about your ex. It is delaying your healing. I understand when you say that you have zero interest in any guy. I am so turned off by guys right now that I haven't even reconnected with old platonic guy friends that I cut off during my relationship (ex was jealous type). All I want to do is be around my girl friends and family. I am taking a huge break from guys all together. I've had guys hit on me and it actually irritates me. I am honestly disgusted by men right now and I'm riding this out until I can deal with em again. lol. It is nice to have someone who feels the same. I think I am disgusted about men too. Its flattering to be hit on but I feel zero spark when it happens. If I give my number out, which I guess I shouldnt, I just end up annoyed that they want to text me all day. I want that feeling of excitement when I meet someone new and the ones I have met don't excite me at all. I shouldnt be trying to get out there if Im not ready, yet I long for happiness and intimacy so much. good luck to you
RiceaRoni Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I hang out with friends as much as I can, but they aren't available much through weekdays, mostly just weekends. And I've joined a softball team, but its a struggle to get myself there still...I have fun when I'm doing fun things but deep down I am still very sad even if I smile or laugh...I only know things because of mutual friends mostly...I would have been okay with just remaining friends with him but he refused. I dont believe I would be as sad about his girlfriend even then because it would make me very happy if we were just friends or acquaintences. It hurts that he won't give me that much. I could live with having him in my life that way, but to he completely shut out is killing me. Its not that I would expect some kind of intense friendship but forgiving eachother would be nice and he has been too stubborn to do it. I forgive people easily but he doesn't...I admit all my faults, but he doesn't. The hardest part is being totally alone and sad knowing that he is not alone and blissfully happy. It feels unfair. I want what he has Whenever you can't hang with friends, this is the time to take good alone time for yourself if you have school, study. You can also pamper yourself with a nice bath or a good movie with tea one day...I know how you feel about not being able to always spend time with friends, but sometimes we all need that alone time. And I know it must be difficult getting yourself to do things, like softball, but it's actually good that you have been pushing yourself to go. It takes your mind off things and you're actually doing something instead of moping around your house. As for being friends with your ex...that's probably going to be highly unlikely..at least until a good amount of time has passed that is... He doesn't want to be friends with you...because I mean you guys broke up not too long ago (6 months isnt very long) so it probably still hurts him...he could also be feeling pain as you are..his life isn't always as peachy as he makes it seem...he's hurt and probably has hurt too from this break up as you have and currently are...as a dumper that doesn't refrain him from having any feelings of hurt or remorse...he feels the same as you do. I've recently talked to my first ex...and it's been a whole year since the break up we had happened. We aren't friends but we're cordial with one another and occasionally ask how the other one is doing...will we ever have a friendship again? It's likely, but it's also likely we won't be able to...we live completely different lives now and have changed drastically since the break up. Let a good amount of time pass between the both of you...and by good amount I mean a year or longer..these things take time, and it seems you're still hurting from all of this, which shows you need to still heal from this. You said he has a new gf right? That could also be why he's refusing your friendship. Why would he make his new gf uncomfortable by being friends with an ex? Not to sound harsh, but thats how it is. You say you want what he has? This is no competition dear, look at what you have now and be blessed for it. Who cares what he has? why compare? As for having mutual friends, ask them not to talk about him around you, and if they can't do that, then you need to stay away from them...it only hinders your healing further. Stay strong dear.. you got this, and in time you will be fine. (hugs) 1
Author LilySun Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 the prob is my alone time is TOO much alone time. I am alone more than not. Most of my friends are married and busy so I am already independent enough that I even go out to eat or drink alone, etc. I was already that way before this. It is nice that I have no insecurity about being alone, but its too lonely and not fun. So when Im alone is when I am the saddest and I am constantly hitting up friends on weekends because I'm dying to have some company. Then my depression is relieved with them temporarily and its back once Im home. TV bores me so I have trouble entertaining myself. I am always in a better mood with company than alone. Thats why I want to meet a new guy and best friend but no guy seems good enough that I would want him around 24-7...lol.
RiceaRoni Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 the prob is my alone time is TOO much alone time. I am alone more than not. Most of my friends are married and busy so I am already independent enough that I even go out to eat or drink alone, etc. I was already that way before this. It is nice that I have no insecurity about being alone, but its too lonely and not fun. So when Im alone is when I am the saddest and I am constantly hitting up friends on weekends because I'm dying to have some company. Then my depression is relieved with them temporarily and its back once Im home. TV bores me so I have trouble entertaining myself. I am always in a better mood with company than alone. Thats why I want to meet a new guy and best friend but no guy seems good enough that I would want him around 24-7...lol. I totally understand how you feel on the loneliness thing. I too find myself with more alone time than my own friends do. Hm...what I do to occupy myself is come onto here (LS), go to the library to do some hmwk, have a nice coffee by myself and chat with the workers at Starbucks, etc.. There's a lot of things you can do when you're lonely...you could invest yourself with a good book, go out and do a public activity, even spend some time with family. I mean if your friends are busy during the week, why not hot up a family member and spend some time with them getting food or getting drinks? Family should always be there. Also when I'm alone...I look for things to make myself laugh, like videos or comedy movies, and then when I have time with my friends I'll show them what I found and we all laugh together. If you have a pet, that could also help with loneliness LOL I know how you feel on trying to find friends or a good guy friend, as I've tried to do the same. maybe instead on going out for dates, try finding a guy you can be just friends with, and is willing to be just friends with you. It's pretty difficult though, as most guys mainly look for a girl to date or get into a relationship with.
Author LilySun Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 I do actually have a few platonic guy friends that I have hung out with some lately, they are friends I have had many years but I have no romantic interest which they are cool with to my knowledge But today is my Exs birthday so its been kindof a hard day. But not as bad I thought it might be, unless I think about how he and the gf are probably celebrating and blissfully happy...ugh. I think the holidays are going to be a little hard for me too but expect I'll be much better once I get over that hump
Fufu Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Don't stress yourself out. It took me near 3 years to find interest in men again The new person will just turn out unexpectedly and by then you will be ready Love is magical
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