meeji Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 This is a new one to me LOL:laugh: I would like some opinions on this. So, I have been hanging out with a guy that I have known about 2 years. We work together as event staff for the same company and we attend a lot of the same events outside of work. He lives an hour away but every once in a while he comes to my city and we do things together with our mutual friends. Anyway, a month ago he came here and we rounded up the troops for a night out on the town. He asked me 2 weeks prior if I would be willing to sponsor him for this private thing that he wanted to be a part of. (You need an active member to sponsor you in order to apply for a membership.) I agreed to it bc I know that he's not going to cause any problems or make me look bad. While we were all out he was more talkative with me but I assumed he was just happy that I sponsored him. The following day we were all going out of town to an event our mutual friend was hosting about 3 hours away. Half of our group left at the end of our outing friday night but the rest of us wanted to wait until the morning to drive up. He ended up staying the night at my house and then we all rode together the next morning to the party. That night, I drove his car back to my city and he stayed overnight at my house again and most of the next day. After he got home he was texting me all week long. The week after, he drove back to my city to come to a movie night we were having at my house and stayed overnight again. That night, he took me on a date to a nice restaurant and paid. The following weekend, I was staffing another event similar to the one we work and he wanted to come so he randomly decided to go on a whim. It was a 3 hour drive from his city. He spent the whole weekend with me and stayed in my hotel room even though I had one arranged for him. The weekend after that we all went to another event in his city so I drove there and I stayed at his house both nights. He took me on another date and refused to let me pay.This weekend he's coming back to my city bc we have plans for my birthday to go to the Ren Festival with some of our friends. I asked him about how he was feeling and he said he doesn't know what he wants out of a relationship. 2 weeks before that he asked me how I felt about the amount of time we were spending together and he said that he was interested in me and that his interest was increasing. This morning I got the text that said :I like you...but I don't know how much yet...: Last night when I left his house he asked me if he was going to be able to see me this upcoming weekend ( @the Ren Fest) so it is obvious that he still wants to see me. Nothing sexual has happened between us and when we spend nights with each other we just cuddle and that is it. He will initiate that if I don't but we haven't had a first kiss or anything. What do you guys think about it? I'm pretty sure that he's not seeing anyone else. Its a lot of driving and he has been rearranging his plans a lot to make impromptu plans with me on the fly. He has also been going out of his way to ask me about things that I want to do and making time for it. I guess you can say we are casually dating... is it just me or do guys get confused about the meaning of that word? When people date isn't that the time when they're supposed to be unsure and learning about whether or not that person is compatible or not?... I'm not put off by what he said bc I feel like it is a normal thing but maybe my perspective is different.
Phantom888 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 He sounds like he is indecisive. Do you want a man who can't make up his own mind? I mean, if he likes you, then great. If he doesn't then he shouldn't spend so much time with you. He is can't make up his mind, which means he likes you, but he doesn't want to date you. He likes the physical and emotional closeness, but he doesn't want to be attached because he is waiting for someone better. Guys do that when they are lame and immature.
Author meeji Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 He sounds like he is indecisive. Do you want a man who can't make up his own mind? I mean, if he likes you, then great. If he doesn't then he shouldn't spend so much time with you. He is can't make up his mind, which means he likes you, but he doesn't want to date you. He likes the physical and emotional closeness, but he doesn't want to be attached because he is waiting for someone better. Guys do that when they are lame and immature. Thanks for the feedback. I feel like he is spending so much time with me because he wants to, which is a good thing. Whether or not it will lead to something, I don't know. I'm not sleeping with him so I can at least feel comfortable that it isn't the reason why he's coming around. Some people move at different speeds when dating, so maybe he's just taking his time to make sure about his feelings first. If you look at that way, it makes him sound mature. I'm just playing devil's advocate here.. Maybe he is waiting for something better. Who knows?
Author meeji Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Any other perspectives? Do you guys agree with the previous post? Is this guy keeping his options open and blowing smoke up my chimney or do you think he's being honest and it is too soon to be sure? I do know his last relationship was a 5 year rollercoaster as i'm acquainted with his ex as well. How do you know the difference between taking it slow and dicking around? Many people who experience bad relationships are apprehensive about starting new ones, which i can relate to. I've recently come to the conclusion that i'm not very good at reading people at all...
coolheadal Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Why can't you take your time with him. You seem interested enough to deal with him for 2 years. But he shows you love by cuddling with you in bed. Give him time why are you rushing things. I see what what he is doing, but your not seeing it yet? If his prior relationship lasted 5 years and it was up and down as you say ride, then he doesn't want to same thing to happen to this one. Let him tell you his intent in time. If you can't wait, then move on and just keep him in the friend zone. But if you want this to continue well sit back and enjoy his new adventure with you. Both are buy and all this events and traveling you do. Once you get so serious then what going to happen. Still keep on doing what you do? If your intent is to have long lasting relationship with him, then tell him so. Your aggressive, your not shy your outspoken he's seems to be a bit withdrawn, but I can see why. Not because of you just he's playing it safe (safe zone). He doesn't want to mess-up and then again your not like most women he knows. Kissing and etc those will come in time. So you have gentlemen there so you best enjoy what he has to offer for now.
Author meeji Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Why can't you take your time with him. You seem interested enough to deal with him for 2 years. But he shows you love by cuddling with you in bed. Give him time why are you rushing things. I see what what he is doing, but your not seeing it yet? If his prior relationship lasted 5 years and it was up and down as you say ride, then he doesn't want to same thing to happen to this one. Let him tell you his intent in time. If you can't wait, then move on and just keep him in the friend zone. But if you want this to continue well sit back and enjoy his new adventure with you. Both are buy and all this events and traveling you do. Once you get so serious then what going to happen. Still keep on doing what you do? If your intent is to have long lasting relationship with him, then tell him so. Your aggressive, your not shy your outspoken he's seems to be a bit withdrawn, but I can see why. Not because of you just he's playing it safe (safe zone). He doesn't want to mess-up and then again your not like most women he knows. Kissing and etc those will come in time. So you have gentlemen there so you best enjoy what he has to offer for now. I'm not rushing him at all. I don't think I wrote anything in my posts about what I wanted from him or anything about expectations on my end. I was more or less curious how others would interpret his actions. Maybe I wasn't specific enough.... this hasn't been going on for two years. We have been working together for 2 years but its been a colleague-colleague/ friendly relationship all the while, up until about 4 weeks ago. I get what you are saying though. Thanks.
Els Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I like you...but I don't know how much yet... I think it's totally possible for a R to develop slowly and organically. But this text, to me at least, just sounds like a polite way of saying "I don't really want a relationship with you". I don't think that necessarily means that he's 'blowing smoke up your chimney' or purposefully trying to lead you on while bedding 2347632872346 other women either. It's possible for someone to just be lukewarm about a person while still not sleeping around. I just don't think you should be putting too much hope into this one, that's all.
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