LuxAeterna Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Hi, i've been stalking this board for the past week and i think this is the right place for me to share my problem. Here it goes. I've never been afraid to approach a guy i like, even though i've only done that twice, because most guys just need a signal to take action themselves. I took the first step with my last boyfriend, he seemed kinda shy and i'm not the kind of girl who'd wait forever for the guy to muster up some courage. We dated for two years, broke up approx. ten months ago and i've been single ever since. About six months ago i saw a guy in my favorite coffee shop, and damn, his looks rocked my world. He is perfection in my eyes. But he's also the most unapproachable guy i've ever seen. If there was an 1 to 10 "approachability meter", his would be -10. My ex was slightly shy, but he gave away a very friendly vibe and this guy just looks like he wants to be left alone (by the rest of the world). He doesn't look like the friendly type at all. The coffee shop has a very relaxed and quiet atmosphere, and a nice view, so he's become somewhat of a regular there. What he does is pick the same lonely spot as always, separated from all the other tables and booths, orders coffee and reads a book. Once the waitress (an attractive woman) tried chatting him up, he didn't even took his eyes off the book, he gave her a few short and cold responses and the waitress walked away kinda disappointed, after a couple of seconds of awkward silence. I'm speculating here, she could've just been polite, not flirting with him, but that's how it looked from my perspective. He's in his own world, doesn't even look at other people, nor does he care about what's happening around him. Some guy sitting on the table closest to him, spilled his drink (made a mess of himself, broke the glass) and he just gave him one super-quick look and went back to reading. It's too early to say that he is just not interested in me, because he doesn't even know that i exist. I've seen (and stared at) him in the same coffee shop numerous times, and there's been zero eye contact. What should i do? Should i first try and make him at least notice me, and how the heck do i do that? And what would you do if you happened to like an unapproachable guy?
white Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 It's late so I'm going to be flippant and quick to judge here. I think you need to sit and question yourself over why you find this guy attractive. Nothing you described sounds warm or desirable and nothing in his demeanour suggests your approaching would be welcome. I'm sure he is handsome but you aren't 12, there's a bit more to it than that, and it's all missing here. Of everyone at the coffee shop, and in the rest of your life, you want to make a move on the guy who's stand offish, doesn't talk to anyone and appears to even be somewhat hostile. Now why would that be? Is it perhaps because that bundle of negativity is for some unhealthy reason attractive to you, while you overlook everyone else around who isn't sitting alone in a corner freezing out the waitresses? What do you think being with a man like that would be like? Go and ask if you can sit with him. Direct yet noncommittal. There's not really any other option with a closed book like him, no eyes across a crowded room, it's sink or swim. Only when you're prepared to get a no are you really not afraid to approach. 1
Imported Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 What the hell kind of guy that doesn't want to be bothered or interact with other people goes to a coffee shop to read a book.
coolheadal Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Sounds like he's not interested in women, could be seeing someone, could be married or just don't want to be bothered by anyone while reading his book in the same spot hint/hint HE WANTS TO BE LEFT ALONE. Why don't you go back with your prior boyfriend at lease you and him did get alone, but then your were in patient and drop the bucket over his head saying it's over between us. This guy in this coffee shop not going to work for you either. You would have to spill a cup of coffee on is lap for him to ever notice you are there. Time to move on to the next guy.
sickpuppy Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) Hi, i've been stalking this board for the past week and i think this is the right place for me to share my problem. Here it goes. I've never been afraid to approach a guy i like, even though i've only done that twice, because most guys just need a signal to take action themselves. I took the first step with my last boyfriend, he seemed kinda shy and i'm not the kind of girl who'd wait forever for the guy to muster up some courage. We dated for two years, broke up approx. ten months ago and i've been single ever since. About six months ago i saw a guy in my favorite coffee shop, and damn, his looks rocked my world. He is perfection in my eyes. But he's also the most unapproachable guy i've ever seen. If there was an 1 to 10 "approachability meter", his would be -10. My ex was slightly shy, but he gave away a very friendly vibe and this guy just looks like he wants to be left alone (by the rest of the world). He doesn't look like the friendly type at all. The coffee shop has a very relaxed and quiet atmosphere, and a nice view, so he's become somewhat of a regular there. What he does is pick the same lonely spot as always, separated from all the other tables and booths, orders coffee and reads a book. Once the waitress (an attractive woman) tried chatting him up, he didn't even took his eyes off the book, he gave her a few short and cold responses and the waitress walked away kinda disappointed, after a couple of seconds of awkward silence. I'm speculating here, she could've just been polite, not flirting with him, but that's how it looked from my perspective. He's in his own world, doesn't even look at other people, nor does he care about what's happening around him. Some guy sitting on the table closest to him, spilled his drink (made a mess of himself, broke the glass) and he just gave him one super-quick look and went back to reading. It's too early to say that he is just not interested in me, because he doesn't even know that i exist. I've seen (and stared at) him in the same coffee shop numerous times, and there's been zero eye contact. What should i do? Should i first try and make him at least notice me, and how the heck do i do that? And what would you do if you happened to like an unapproachable guy? Next time he's in the coffee shop and he's reading his book tell Mr. Unapproachable you've read the same book: "How to win friends and influence people". If he gets mad tell him to pick up a copy of "Daily Affirmations." Or something else ridiculous like: "Hey! I read that book while watching the story in the movies." Just tell him you read the same book. He might look confused to how you'd know. Just tell him you remember the text on the page he's reading and laugh. If he's simply an idiot leave him be. Though he might open up and tell you about it and go from there. Edited October 1, 2013 by sickpuppy
FitChick Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Maybe he has a wife and bratty kids and the only peace and quiet he gets is in the coffee shop. Follow him out the door and stalk him to find out for sure.
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