irc333 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 (edited) Met this local woman, bonus points for living close, that is in her early 50'sand I'm in my early 40's, well I met her online dating and she did keep up with a couple of correspondence, but said, "I'm not so sure of the age difference, you're very handsome, but it may cause problems for us." She even SOUNDS younger, too. She admits though she does look young for her age and most people mistake her for early 40's any how, so I convinced her that "Hey, if you attract younger men, might as well date them, right?" Also, men her age are well, look more like pot bellied zombies in her area , so I convinced her of that as well,so I got her phone #. We talked some on the phone then later made arrnagements to meet, then she texted me and changed her mind and now was thinking of the age difference again. Do you all think that a near decade difference, with her looking young for her age, keep her from dating me? Edited September 30, 2013 by irc333
bentleychic Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I couldn't do it. I had a guy in his early 20's ask me out. I'm in my mid 30's. It boosted my confidence, but I prefer guys more like 7-10+ years older than me. I prefer more mature guys. (Not that older necessarily guarantees more mature nor younger guarantees less mature, though.) Some women are in to the "cougar" thing and would enjoy it, but it doesn't really sound like she's one of them. 1
MalachiX Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Depends on the woman. I had a roommate who was in her 50s and actually refused to date anyone as old as she was. She'd go up to guys in their mid 40s and go as low as guys in their early 20s. Clearly this one has an issue with it so don't bother.
Author irc333 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 I couldn't do it. I had a guy in his early 20's ask me out. I'm in my mid 30's. It boosted my confidence, but I prefer guys more like 7-10+ years older than me. I prefer more mature guys. (Not that older necessarily guarantees more mature nor younger guarantees less mature, though.) Some women are in to the "cougar" thing and would enjoy it, but it doesn't really sound like she's one of them. Meh, it's a big different in the younger age bracket such as yours, but when you get older...the age range tends to widen to a point where you hardly notice the difference. 1
FitChick Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 She even SOUNDS younger, too. She admits though she does look young for her age and most people mistake her for early 40's any how, so I convinced her that "Hey, if you attract younger men, might as well date them, right?" Also, men her age are well, look more like pot bellied zombies Similar to my situation. I have no problem dating men up to fifteen (one guy was sixteen years) younger. If she does, that is her problem. However, if the men in her area are not desirable, her choice may be to be alone or date you.
crederer Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I agree with you in that when you're in your 40's, there's not much of an issue with the age range. It'd be different if you were in your 20's. But the reality is you don't exactly have much more emotional maturing to do (just physical maturation). She might just be trying to let you down gently. The fact you had to convince her that guys her age are "pot bellied zombies" just goes to show she wasn't all that interested in the first place. 1
Author irc333 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I agree with you in that when you're in your 40's, there's not much of an issue with the age range. It'd be different if you were in your 20's. But the reality is you don't exactly have much more emotional maturing to do (just physical maturation). She might just be trying to let you down gently. The fact you had to convince her that guys her age are "pot bellied zombies" just goes to show she wasn't all that interested in the first place. I'm not sure what you mean, in regards to the "pot-bellied zombie" reference, you mean convincing her of her rather limited options and implying she can't really afford to be picky considering her small town geographic location? She might keep in mind she'll wind up being a 50-something spinster as a result of her timidness to explore non-pot bellied zombie options lol
Author irc333 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 her choice may be to be alone or date you. Exactly ;-) But some women just don't realize, depending on their location, that they may want to relocate from the area altogether.
Author irc333 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Got an update from her...she didn't want to keep things up with me, so she decided to tell me that she prefers to date men in her 50's because the last time she dated a guy, he was 11 years younger and said her heart was broken by him. Not sure what that has to do with the price of tea in China as if the same thing would happen with me, but that's her issue. *shrug*
Author irc333 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Actually, I'm sure IRC didn't have to convince her at ALL that the majority of men in her age group are unattractive. When I was doing online dating, the clear majority of men over 50 were physical trainwrecks - they looked SO much older than their stated ages. One guy looked like he had one foot in the grave and he was claiming to be 52. ::::Shudder::::: The scary thing is, he probably WAS 52. LOL and was NOT Lying about his age. 1
RedRobin Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 She was nice enough to correspond with you though. Was respectful, even if you were ultimately disappointed. Maybe she'll change her mind down the road. If I were you, I'd still provide some off-site email or phone number and a suggestion for something fun you could do that aligns with her interests... Just in case.
Standard-Fare Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Did you actually meet her in person? It sounds like you were just corresponding online? If it's the latter, one guess is that she knows her pictures display her in a flattering/younger light and she's insecure about how a younger man would perceive her in person. But I guess that's all irrelevant if she wasn't willing to meet up.
mammasita Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 If I were in my early 50's I would prefer a younger lad such as yourself. Age is relevant, yet irrelevant. Luck of the draw WRT maturity unless we're talking 28ish and below, then I'd usually let them go suckle their mommy's nipples and mature a bit more. mostly kidding of course
Brown-Eyez Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 It's like with everything else, if someone is truly interested they don't find excuses not to go for it.. she used your age as the limiting factor as it was the easiest to focus on and the fact that you tried to convince her that you were a good prospect is never an encouraging sign, sorry
soccerrprp Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I communicated with a smoking-hot 51-yr old some time back. I'm in lower 40s. Her concern was that I was only interested in sex b/c she couldn't figure out why I would be interested in someone older and in her 50s. We never met, but I think she started to believe that I wasn't about the sex (only). I didn't blame her for thinking that way.
RedRobin Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I've turned down younger men for all kinds of things. If they come across like they are doing me a huge favor by dating me simply because they are younger, then I immediately discard. Actually, same goes for men of any age, income, status, etc. If people really want to make age irrelevant, they can choose not to even bring it up... for instance, don't say things like... you are pretty hot for a (fill in the blank) age. Or "hey, do you like younger men??" Skip that. That's as obnoxious as me saying... "You are pretty smart for a guy with no college education"... or "You manage quite well for a guy that only makes $$" Get the drift?? 3
KatieLove Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 You can read more about relationships between older women and younger men on @ the Cougarist : http://cougarist.blogspot.com
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 My husband was the 1st younger man I ever dated. What freaked me out about it was just how young somebody with the same age differential would be if he went younger. In your situation, at 40 if you are dating a 50 year old woman, if you went 10 years younger, the woman would be 30. Depending on where you are in life & what you want for your future, she could be concerned that you would end up resenting her because she probably can't give you children. Also some women embrace the term "cougar" with gusto & pride. Others think it's awful & it makes them feel like they are cradle robbers (even when the man in question -- you -- is far from the cradle.) Her not wanting to take a chance on you because the last young guy broke her heart is unfair but if it's how she feels you may have difficulty getting her over that fear. I would give it at least another shot & point blank remind her that you are not him.
PinkInTheLimo Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 I definitely would not mind dating a guy 10 years younger, although that's probably as far down my age I would go. I look young for my age so I would not have any hang-ups as not being able to compete with women his age - as a matter of fact I can. In general I am simply too busy living my life to compete with others. The most important thing in such a situation would for me be that the age difference does not play a factor at all, not in the negative nor in the positive sense. If I would feel that this is a guy who has some fetish about older women, then I would be gone. If he only would want to be with me because I am older and associates this being older with all kind of qualities, then I would not appreciate it at all. I would want the younger guy to simply find me an interesting, attractive woman, regardless of my age. It's got to be about me and what I have to offer.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Met this local woman, bonus points for living close, that is in her early 50'sand I'm in my early 40's, well I met her online dating and she did keep up with a couple of correspondence, but said, "I'm not so sure of the age difference, you're very handsome, but it may cause problems for us." She even SOUNDS younger, too. She admits though she does look young for her age and most people mistake her for early 40's any how, so I convinced her that "Hey, if you attract younger men, might as well date them, right?" Also, men her age are well, look more like pot bellied zombies in her area , so I convinced her of that as well,so I got her phone #. We talked some on the phone then later made arrnagements to meet, then she texted me and changed her mind and now was thinking of the age difference again. Do you all think that a near decade difference, with her looking young for her age, keep her from dating me? Remind her of the survey done in the early 1990's where in men of all ages were asked the 'ideal' age of a woman they'd want to date, and that the answer was "half his own age plus seven years". Then do the math for her - before reminding her that men seeing her as ideal, age-wise, are presently about ninety!!
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