Nyla Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 As LS members know, I have survived a lot of abuse. Besides being raised with an abusive mother, I have also been in abusive relationships with men in the past. My husband is wonderful to me now, but there was a time where he was selfish and had commitment issues while we were dating. I have decided to break down all of the walls I had which were keeping me from completely loving and trusting my husband. What is left is fear. I do not like to be vulnerable because people (especially men) have taken advantage of that in the past. My therapist has said that I have one foot outside of my marriage all the time and I've come to realize that I will never be a happy wife if I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would like to let my husband love me. It is exhausting to perpetually keep barriers up, but my life has taught me that the only way to be safe is to be angry and hostile all the time. That way, nobody will mess with me or think that they can abuse me again. I want to relax and revel in my husband's adoration for me. I can't even let him admire my appearance without peevishly asking him what he is staring at. When we make love, the way he stares into my eyes is so frightening that I have to close them. I just don't want to get hurt again. How can I let my wonderful husband into my heart for good?
dichotomy Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I love dogs, they really are great creatures, loyal, protective, social.I find comfort with them. However, I try to avoid the bad breeds, but even my sweet golden retriever I had as a child bit me hard once or twice when it was sick or hurt. How can I over come my fear of being bit to be happy and joyous with my family dog? ....By realizing even the sweetest most loyal trained dog my bite, and by accepting this truth, it does not matter, and I love anyway. Credit and interpretation above from Scott M. Peck "Life (and love) is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters" 3
xxoo Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Pain is inevitable. Even those who love us the most will hurt us inadvertently at times. Those that truly love us, however, will right the wrongs. Do you trust yourself enough to recognize when you are truly loved? Do you trust yourself to be ok if you are hurt again? 1
Author Nyla Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Good questions, xxoo. My husband has completely changed from who he was before we married in a good way. It is me that is afraid. I know that I am loved by my husband. It is just how to accept it. Lord knows I deserve love after all that I have been through.
todreaminblue Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) I wish you luck nyla, i really do i am glad that you have a supportive husband, its hard when you have abuse as history,mine is an extensive cycle of abuse...born from rape by my father,sexual abuse as a child by a couple so not just the man the wife knew...., continued abuse by peers not sexual though and then circumstances that led to complete darkness for me, i was in a relationship for fifteen years it involved infidelity and abuse...on and off......i stuck by him.....tried my best.....maybe because i didnt feel i deserved better than a continued cycle....... what i do know is this....there are good men.....many......more i feel than bad men....those good men marry women like you and show you how you should have been treated how you will be treated from now and all the tomorrows after...they are loving and kind and your husband looks at you with intensity ....that intensity is the love he has for you...nothing else and i know that it probably scares the crap out of you....we are our own worst enemies nyla....with barriers that not only keep others out but keeps us in.....the more barriers the more fear we have to deal with it..... i have a fortress nyla normally...i started building a fort and a fall out shelter where i can retreat too when i was five and i have continued to build on it....it doesnt do me any favors.........it might protect me from men who are wrong....but it also haunts me in the past stills of the night when i could have shared my life with someone special... rejoice nyla....you are with someone special..when you feel scared just try to feel his love ....reach out to him more...retrain the way you thinka dn feel by pushing those barriers away from you reach out to him and every day reach out in a different way till it becomes second nature.....and maybe one day you wont have to close your eyes.....i am 44 .....i dotn open my eyes never have when making love. what keeps me from being bitter nyla is i always have this hope that lingers.when i read threads of women like me and you and stories like yours and a compassionate loving husband who loves you regardless of history or I see loving husbands in action at church talking about date nights and they are in their seventies taking their wives to the movies...smilin...... or wherever i see husbands and men playing with their kids, or just men being kids on their knees showing children how to do something or talking to them or hugging them...or talking about them with tears in their eyes.....i get uplifted...my spirit soars with hope.........restores my faith .... one day i will have someone special too.......you have that special husband...i am so happy for you, you do deserve love everyone does...even me...smilin atcha..huge hugs.....ok i admit it i am emotional today that time of the month......slinks off....to find the family in hiding from me...every one is staying away from me for some reason...going to go scare them now....toodles..deb...... Edited October 1, 2013 by todreaminblue
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