startinganew777 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Been dating this guy for almost 3 months. Things have been going great, we spend close to 5 days out of the week together. He is always doing nice things for me. Have met all his friends and just met his parents a couple weeks ago. Everyone is shocked and said that he hasn't brought around a girl in ages. He hasn't been in a relationship for 5 years or so he says. We are both 33 years old. Just a couple nights ago he tells me he is falling in love with me but scared for a relationship. Ok, I get it. I never bring it up. He is the one that seems to bring it up all the time. Anyways this past weekend, he went out and I was to meet up with him after my family thing. He ended up going to a bar where the employees wear nothing but lingerie or bras and thongs. Ok, whatever. His best friend works there and I have been up there with him so she knows me. Not that big of a deal. Anyways, there was this new 20 year old working there and that night he ended up taking like 4 photos of her posing for him. He even posted a pic up on his FB page. When I met up with him, he for some reason really wanted to show me the pictures. He said he posted that pic on FB so I would get jealous and come up to meet him. Annoying but whatever. Next day we are driving to my friend's bbq and he tells me he got a girl's number last night. Doesn't remember who it was or doing it but got a girl's number at the bar while I was driving up to pick up his drunk ass. Now why would he tell me that?! Trying to make me jealous again. I told him this morning we needed to talk about some things that were on my mind. He responds saying it is Monday night football but I am more than welcome to come over and vent to him. Wow, so considerate he is. So I tell him that it is about us and I want his full attention and that I guess it will have to be another night. But I ended up telling him anyways that he was disrespectful to me this past weekend trying to make me jealous and playing games. That if that kind of behavior was going to continue, that I couldn't do it anymore. That I didn't deserve it. I know he is probably mad and thinks I am overreacting because we are not together but am I wrong in thinking it was rude to show me those pics and tell me he got some girl's number? If he is really falling in love with me, why do that? Why deliberately try to hurt me?
Philosoraptor Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Ugh, sounds like he's just trying to keep you hooked by giving you enough to keep you interested, but not make it a "relationship" so he can still screw around. I'd say your concerns are founded and if you don't put your foot down you're going to hear soon how he slept with some other girl and that it's ok because you're not together. He's testing your boundaries and if you're not comfortable with him being with other women you need to enforce your boundaries and tell him to hit the road. 1
soccerrprp Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 You're not wrong. It sounds like he's a very immature individual or seriously into playing games. Or [ugh] both. I know he is probably mad and thinks I am overreacting because we are not together... What do you mean by not together? As in that moment? What was his reaction after you told him?
heartshaped Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 It doesn't matter if you are together or not. Playing games is playing games. Don't tolerate it. And is this the only time he's done this type of thing? Honestly, this guy sounds sort of immature. I mean he hasn't been in a relationship in the last five years, gets very drunk so much so he can't remember getting a woman's number, is "scared" of being in a relationship, gets a woman from a bar that only wears lingerie to pose for him then puts it on FB... He has manchild written all over him.
TigerCub Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Ugh, sounds like he's just trying to keep you hooked by giving you enough to keep you interested, but not make it a "relationship" so he can still screw around. I'd say your concerns are founded and if you don't put your foot down you're going to hear soon how he slept with some other girl and that it's ok because you're not together. He's testing your boundaries and if you're not comfortable with him being with other women you need to enforce your boundaries and tell him to hit the road. ^^^That! You're not wrong to be pissed. Don't take that kind of crap.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 He doesn't want a relationship so he's trying to cause rifts to sabotage it, as well as he just likes the drama and tension...he's pushing your buttons on purpose to play with your mind...he wants you upset and jealous....he'll test you to see how stupid you are and how much he can push it...once you threaten to leave then he'll know that's a little too far...but you already let it get so far already...he'll remember that. The guy sounds like a tool to me, who's immature and childish and will continue to be so in a relationship, if you even get there...if he doesn't bang the dumb attention whore twenty year old...so I don't know really what you see in this guy, he's obviously a relationship phone...but let me guess, you think you're special.... Good luck. Btw he's not scared....it's just not worth it.
Author startinganew777 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 I meant not together as in "not in a relationship" meaning I have no say as to if he dates others or not. But he will accuse me of cheating on him if he doesn't hear from me sometimes. But we are not together! He is continually testing me. He even admited that. I guess if he doesn't understand why I am upset and apologize, and the games don't stop, I need to end it. I am too old for this stupid high school crap. I am very easy going and laid back and he likes that about me. I never tell him what to do or grill him about where he is going or who he is with but this behavior of trying to make me jealous crosses the line. I just wanted other's opinions. We aren't in a relationship but I think he was very disrespectful towards me.
Author startinganew777 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 No, I am not claiming to be special enough to change him. Everything has been great up until this past weekend. He treated me like a queen before then. Just weird he tells me he is falling in love with me and then all this happens.
soccerrprp Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I meant not together as in "not in a relationship" meaning I have no say as to if he dates others or not. But he will accuse me of cheating on him if he doesn't hear from me sometimes. But we are not together! He is continually testing me. He even admited that. I guess if he doesn't understand why I am upset and apologize, and the games don't stop, I need to end it. I am too old for this stupid high school crap. I am very easy going and laid back and he likes that about me. I never tell him what to do or grill him about where he is going or who he is with but this behavior of trying to make me jealous crosses the line. I just wanted other's opinions. We aren't in a relationship but I think he was very disrespectful towards me. WHOA there Nelly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to get away from him and quick! This man is no man. He IS a RED FLAG waving, fluttering in the middle of a gale. Not in a relationship...don't get in one with him! He is bad news and what you see is what you get and will continue to get! 1
TigerCub Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I meant not together as in "not in a relationship" meaning I have no say as to if he dates others or not. But he will accuse me of cheating on him if he doesn't hear from me sometimes. But we are not together! He is continually testing me. He even admited that. I guess if he doesn't understand why I am upset and apologize, and the games don't stop, I need to end it. I am too old for this stupid high school crap. I am very easy going and laid back and he likes that about me. I never tell him what to do or grill him about where he is going or who he is with but this behavior of trying to make me jealous crosses the line. I just wanted other's opinions. We aren't in a relationship but I think he was very disrespectful towards me. UGH!!! Why put up with that kind of nonsense for even a second?! The first time he did pulled that sh** you should have just pulled the plug on it. I would never want to be with someone that's 'testing' me, or that is so insecure that they accuse me of cheating when they don't get a call back right away. Oh, what a loser. 1
Author startinganew777 Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 You are right. I was falling in love and blind to what was all going on. It is nice to get opinions from outsiders. I have spoke with my friends about it and they don't say much because they knew how much I liked him. My eyes are open now and I will tread lightly. He knows I am upset and why and I haven't heard a word from him. I won't be contacting him anymore. I am glad I didn't get too far into it. Thanks for your advice.
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