Mascara Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Not to take over the other thread... So this is interesting - self professed "nice guys" who aren't quite so nice when you dig deeper - Nice Guys? of OKCupid
Carenth Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Pretty much sums up why most "nice guys" are not nice at all. They are often deluded enough to think they are though. 2
Keenly Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 So because some one wrote a blog, there are no good guys on okc? 2
hppr Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Not to take over the other thread... So this is interesting - self professed "nice guys" who aren't quite so nice when you dig deeper - Nice Guys? of OKCupid The people on that blog are projecting. Psychological projection - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I see that all the time with women around my age, and guys often join in on the fun as well because they think that man-bashing will ingratiate them to those women. It's pretty sad that someone would write such an angry little blog about random profiles on an internet site.
Author Mascara Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 So because some one wrote a blog, there are no good guys on okc? There are good guys. This is about guys who pretend to be nice, but aren't really. The people on that blog are projecting. Psychological projection - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I see that all the time with women around my age, and guys often join in on the fun as well because they think that man-bashing will ingratiate them to those women. It's pretty sad that someone would write such an angry little blog about random profiles on an internet site. The premise of the blog is that it's those self-declared "nice guys" who are the misandrists - they're constantly talking about how men other than them are jerks, idiots, undeserving of female attention.
nescafe1982 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Heh, it's too bad the original "Nice Guys of OkC" tumblr was taken down some months back. This is a poorer-quality copy of it. But yeah. Any guy who refers to themselves as a "nice guy" and says something to the effect of "women like *******s"? He's not. This indicator is more accurately predicted than the weather. 1
MalachiX Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 But yeah. Any guy who refers to themselves as a "nice guy" and says something to the effect of "women like *******s"? He's not. Well, yeah but he's an ass for saying "women like *******s" regaurdless of it's prefaced with "I'm a nice guy." There are nice guys out there who don't hate the opposite sex. 1
MalachiX Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 There are very few genuinely nice guys. Most guys either arent nice and are pretty obvious about it in the first few dates, the majority of the rest pretend to be nice until they get what they want (sex, control, attachment to them) then their true colors come out. I think Ive only met about 10 genuinely nice nonselfish guys. They are rare *shocker* Another sexist post from someone who claims to dislike sexism. I really think you might want to start dating some of the misogynists on this forum. You'd get along great. 1
StanMusial Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 It's all relative. Whether or not these guys are "nice" or not, the complaint is rooted in the observation that "jerks" are having the success whilst the "non-jerk" is not. Whether or not the "non-jerk" is actually "nice", is debatable.
Author Mascara Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 . Whether or not the "non-jerk" is actually "nice", is debatable. Of indeed whether the "jerk" is really a jerk, or is just getting the girl you want.
StanMusial Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Of indeed whether the "jerk" is really a jerk, or is just getting the girl you want. I think that might be a small part of it, but not substantial. I have seen plenty of "jerky" guys getting girls I didn't particularly want. Not really all that surprising any more, but sometimes I still wonder what the hell? when I see certain things.
MalachiX Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Of indeed whether the "jerk" is really a jerk, or is just getting the girl you want. I realize I'm going to open up another can of worms (like I did on another thread); but I think the term "jerk" is a short hand for saying a type of guy who has a set of personality traits called "the dark triad" that some studies have shown that a high percentage of women find attractive. Here's an excerpt from an article on this as well as some links to the study: The researchers found that these types of men had the most sexual partners. This personality combination would make a man narcissistic (subclinical), psychopathic (subclinical) and Machiavellian. The Dark Triad - Cognizance Magazine Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys | Men's Health Why women really do love self-obsessed psychopaths - Science - News - The Independent Why women love a bad boy | MSN Arabia I'm not posting this to feed into the stereotype or to make a blanket generalization about what women want (because that's idiotic). I'm just saying this trend is what certain men (and women) are talking about when they say that some women are attracted to "jerks." Of course this isn't true of all women just as all men do not fall in line with studies showing that a higher percentage of men care more about physical attraction or a higher percentage of men prefer "less succsessful" women. The State News :: Study shows men like less successful women The nice guy "jerks" tend to be guys who may not display this particular brand of negative characteristics (narcissism, psycopathy, calculation); but who are bitter from a lack of female interaction and feel entitled to dates because they are "nice." Many of them end up being so resentful of women and dating that their attitudes are just as destructive as the "dark triad." That said, there are still plenty of legitimately nice guys around and identifying yourself as one doesn't make you a jerk. To the contrary, it often takes a lot for a guy to be willing to call himself a "nice guy" because many of us have been so programmed to believe that this is the worst thing a male can be. 2
phineas Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Pretty much sums up why most "nice guys" are not nice at all. They are often deluded enough to think they are though. Most "nice" guys become friends with women because they want to bang them. They go out of their way & treat them like GF's then get pissed when they don't want to date them. They also are usually creepy as hell, socially awkward, and just plain unattractive but think women should date them because they have seen a few Disney movies. True nice guys won't use a woman and treat them well however they also won't let a woman use them and expect to be treated well in return.
CptSaveAho Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Nice guys are either one of two categories - Naive/lack experience - Backstabbing losers when an oppurtunity opens up for them
TB Rhine Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Nice Guy = "totally sweet guy who took me out a bunch of times, spent money on me, and generally treated me like a queen. Then one day he told me he liked me... ya know, THAT way, and when I turned him down, and then tried to save face, socially speaking, by pretending not to have been aware of this fact (rather than shamelessly milking it for every free lunch and triple espresso it was worth), he had the temerity to get angry and accuse me of taking advantage of him. What a JERK!!!" 2
ChessPieceFace Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 So because some one wrote a blog, there are no good guys on okc? Nice guys don't exist because women don't see them.
crederer Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 The friendzone thing is usually because the guy acts like a "friend" in hopes of getting close to them. They don't know how to approach a woman like a "man" (sorry, just lack of better term. I realize how chauvinistic that sounds but that's not what I'm going for). Guy's that get friendzoned have too much of a soft approach because they are afraid of rejection. The reality is, you gotta bite the bullet and go for it like you're trying to be her man, and not trying to be her friend. Once she sees you as a friend, there is no going back from that. So don't go down that path at all and it'll work out better for you. Yes, you'll be rejected more often than not, but hell that's just the nature of being a man looking for a potential life partner. 2
TB Rhine Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I largely agree with this, though I'd add the caveat that I think it's a popular misconception that guys *intentionally* do this (i.e., that they intentionally present themselves as a 'friend' in order to slip past the girls' defenses or what have you). I think many of these guys are doing exactly what they think they're supposed to do - taking a girl out, buying her dinners and movie tickets, giving her sweet little gifts and complimenting her and so on. They're just not quick to make a physical move - not because they're trying to hide their true intentions (which, again, is the common misconception I think people have), but because that really is the point of no return. That's the point where you're either going to be rejected or not, pretty much once and for all. No more fooling yourself. No more agonizingly over-analyzing every little thing that she says or does for signs that she might (or might not) be into you. These guys hold back because they'd rather languish forever in that gray area of not knowing, or convincing themselves they could have the girl of their dreams if they'd just be a little more bold, than find out for sure, once and for all, that they don't have a shot. They're definitely acting out of weakness, but I don't think they're acting out of deceitfulness or malice. And therein lies the enmity that many women have for them, I think, because subconsciously, women despise weakness in a man above all else - more than abusiveness or infidelity or even flat-out sociopathy. But it's not socially acceptable, to themselves or anyone around them, to admit this. You're supposed to protect and stand up and feel compassion for the weak, not view them with contempt. So, in order to justify their disdain, they have to make out as though the guy is doing something deliberately malicious and deceitful. Hence the myth of the manipulative, cold-hearted "nice guy" who "only wants sex," and "pretends" to be a woman's "friend" in order to get into her pants. 1
Carenth Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) I'll just leave this here. What Happens Next: A Gallimaufry | Lamenting The Friend Zone, Or: The ?Nice Guy? Approach To Perpetrating Sexist Bull**** To clarify I am a guy. I do think guys bitch and moan too much in general about being "friend zoned" or being a "nice guy". I have friends with this horribly depressing outlook on life and they have no interest in addressing the issues that really are in the way of them finding a relationship. Instead they choose to shame women for not liking them as they feel they deserve. Basically it all boils down to a grand sense of entitlement. Edited October 1, 2013 by Carenth 1
Author Mascara Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I think some people are missing the point - the blog differentiates between between true nice guys, who like women and treat them well, and what they call "nice guys " who simply can't get women, and blame it on "because I'm a nice guy you stupid b!tch!" - ie just as much a jerk as the jerk, but without the charm and social skills.
Bubberfly Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 *shrug* you take those blogs with a grain of salt. I perused it, I chuckled a bit, I realized I know quite a few guys just like them who I consider total chauvinistic d-bags. Sorry folks, one blog knocking "nice guys" isn't going to scare people off dating site. Matter of fact, I've made quite a few good friends of the opposite sex on there. And neither of us was "friend zoned" we just weren't into eachother romantically
mercuryshadow Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I have only this to say: The guys who strongly profess from the get-go how very nice they are, probably are not "nice guys" at all. (same goes for women, by the way)
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