Starting a dating relationship when you are 1-2 hours apart

[Babolat]

I am not looking for a serious relationship right now, more dating, see where things land. If I met the one, and knew it, I would reconsider for sure!

 

I am on a OLD site and have messaged a few woman who live 60 - 90 miles from me.

 

They are responding, we are having good chats, yet I am not planning a meet up. Mainly because I am not sure about the distance. I don't want to meet them, get all excited and then realize it may not work because of the distance, especially in the beginning.

 

I am curious to hear stories from those who have started a LDR, from day one, versus an establisehd relationship and then one partner had to move away for whatever reason.

 

Basically, I think this would be weekend dating with an occassional weeknight visit. Kind of feels good for me right now as I am active/busy and not looking for somethign serious. Just wondering if this could work, or, if I should stop contacting these woman. They are messaging me too, so I am wondering if I should just say "No" because of the distance.

 

Thanks

[carhill]

My exW and I lived about 60 miles apart and we handled it by, at first, meeting 'in the middle' at a larger town which was similarly distant for each of us and, later, spending weekends at each other's homes. This continued until we were married, a period of about 18 months. This was back when cell phones were relatively new and the internet was dial-up modems. Of course, gas was cheap, so most of our contact was in person, with e-mail and phone in between as desired.

 

I'd have no problem doing something similar again, as I'm used to distance dating. However, if your interest is primarily in casual sex (I got this impression from your recent responses in another thread), I'd look closer to home, unless travel is a normal part of your life; if it is, then recruit sexual partners in the places you travel to. Back in the day, this was called having a 'black book'. Good luck.

[Babolat]

Not really interested in casual sex, at least not with multiple women. This weekend was a first for me in that area, and I am still processing it.

 

It's interesting to hear how your relationship developed. How was it once you got married, and went from the LDR to every day? Was there an adjustment?

 

I was talking to a female friend about this this weekend. She had a 2 year LTR where they would literally meet in airports sometimes as they both travelled so much. She said after a while she realized it was so exciting because every weekend was like a big date, something to look forward to. Then she realized you can't develop a real relationship that way, the day to day "real life" of a relationship, so she ended it.

[carhill]

How was it once you got married, and went from the LDR to every day? Was there an adjustment?

 

From my perspective, nothing out of the ordinary. I own a big house in the country, so plenty of space, and my wife 'filled up' a lot of formerly unused space and, since I worked on the property, I was used to handling household chores, having done so for decades while alone, so continued on, melding into what we shared. I wanted to be married, and IMO that's a key factor to compromises which were made over time.

 

I recall my exW mentioning something to the effect that, since I got the whole pie as a child (I was an only child), I evolved to having no inhibition sharing the pie as an adult, and evidently that extended to the challenges of LDR's and living with someone at a later stage of life. Perfect? Nope. We're all individuals.

 

I was talking to a female friend about this this weekend. She had a 2 year LTR where they would literally meet in airports sometimes as they both travelled so much. She said after a while she realized it was so exciting because every weekend was like a big date, something to look forward to. Then she realized you can't develop a real relationship that way, the day to day "real life" of a relationship, so she ended it.

 

That's interesting. I can appreciate that perspective, but 'got over it' (the excitement of traveling) from my distance dating, mainly international, back in the mid-90's. IMO, the key was focusing on the person, with the 'excitement' being secondary. I would opine that period taught the lesson of being 'open' to new experiences and focusing on the emotional components of that process, embracing the people I met with new eyes, less clouded from my local experiences. Over time, that evolved into a more global perspective and things locally improved, if only marginally.

 

Not really interested in casual sex, at least not with multiple women. This weekend was a first for me in that area, and I am still processing it.

 

My apologies, as I inferred it from multiple encounters in some recent post updates. It appears, though you're not 'interested', you are 'open' to it, something I am decidedly not, and never have been, so perhaps go with that, if it appears to work for you currently. IME, LDR's require investment and that runs counter to the realities of casual sex, even if with one partner. One invests, at minimum, time and energy on logistics and travel expense, along with maintaining sexual interest. It's very different than calling up a local 'friend' and hitting the sheets for the evening. It's more purposeful, IMO.

[Babolat]

My apologies, as I inferred it from multiple encounters in some recent post updates. It appears, though you're not 'interested', you are 'open' to it.

 

I am processing it...it's something I have never done in my life, it was offered to me this weekend, I went with it, had fun, now, it's Monday, she wants to meet again this week, and I am processing. I feel like it's something I needed to do as a next step for me...kind of strange to hear and say that.