Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 why? what do i have to lose? might as well give it a shot, if i get shut down, i'm in the same position i am now. The odds of that conversation not being awkward and doing anything positive for you is .01 percent. It's just a waste of time. It's like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. I guess there's a chance it's not a complete failure, but you'll likely be splattered on the ground below. Stay No Contact. You aren't ready if you feel like that type of conversation is a good idea. That's pure desperation.
h0000 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Say nothing. Keep moving on. You never contact an ex until you are ok with any response, or non-response, an ex gives. You aren't there dude. Don't contact. I agree. Like I said ,you are only ready when you can completely live without her. and you clearly arent ready, okay, but another thing, how do i prove myself that i've given her space and have changed? she told me i "don't understand what space truly means." forget it. you arent ready yet. and to answer your question, you probably havent changed. Even I, a stranger, and smell desperate from you.
Salvatore85 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 The problem is you're not understanding this whole "space" thing. She's telling you to back off and you're just not getting it. The more you press the issue the more she's going to pull away. Honestly what do you think would happen if you too got back together right now? Do you think your problems would magically heal themselves and her resentments for you would disappear? Just understand the fact that the two of you need space and time before you can attack your relationship issues level headed and in a mature fashion. My ex and I got back together and immediately went into the honeymoon phase. Instead of working through our problems we had sex a lot. What ended up happening was our issues we never acknowledged and fixed reared there ugly head again and it lasted another year before we broke up again. In hindsight it was incredibly stupid on both our parts and it was something that had we taken the time to work on we easily could've fixed. So please take at least some of my advice because you can succeed where I failed and actually fix your relationship problems. Take the time and do it right. 1
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 The problem is you're not understanding this whole "space" thing. She's telling you to back off and you're just not getting it. The more you press the issue the more she's going to pull away. Honestly what do you think would happen if you too got back together right now? Do you think your problems would magically heal themselves and her resentments for you would disappear? Just understand the fact that the two of you need space and time before you can attack your relationship issues level headed and in a mature fashion. My ex and I got back together and immediately went into the honeymoon phase. Instead of working through our problems we had sex a lot. What ended up happening was our issues we never acknowledged and fixed reared there ugly head again and it lasted another year before we broke up again. In hindsight it was incredibly stupid on both our parts and it was something that had we taken the time to work on we easily could've fixed. So please take at least some of my advice because you can succeed where I failed and actually fix your relationship problems. Take the time and do it right. it has been a while since i invaded her space. and she's at the point of contacting me, and i feel it's because i'm not giving her the attention. she's always telling me to learn from my mistakes, and not do them in the future.. those mistakes are pet peeves she doesn't like personally that i did. would you say thats a sign she wants me to change for her?
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 it has been a while since i invaded her space. and she's at the point of contacting me, and i feel it's because i'm not giving her the attention. she's always telling me to learn from my mistakes, and not do them in the future.. those mistakes are pet peeves she doesn't like personally that i did. would you say thats a sign she wants me to change for her? NO!!!!! Stop reading into everything. Nothing is a "sign" or anything like that. She wants space. Give that to her. IF you pull that Notebook crap, get ready to be shot down quickly.
h0000 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 OP isnt listening.. "I have given her too much attention. Totally my fault! I am giving her too less attention. She's probably angry! I need to apologize! I am doing everything she wants me to do.I will change for her! I will do everything for her! Will she take me back? Please take me back! Give me another chance! You are my Queen! "
pinkie Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) Scoot Scoot... talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. IGNORE HER. She doesn't want you back. I promise. Move ON. Get over it. If she wanted you back, she'd be doing much much more to get to you. SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU BACK. She's trying to check in to see if you are still the needy, clingy, pathetic, boyfriend she dumped 6 months ago.... DONT PROVE HER RIGHT.... Go to the gym, work out, eat right, take care of yourself. Meet someone new. Move ON. Edited October 1, 2013 by pinkie
reddragon588 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) okay, but another thing, how do i prove myself that i've given her space and have changed? she told me i "don't understand what space truly means." How do you prove that you've given her space? By... Giving her space... If you respond to her you're just reinforcing the behavior that she considered clingy and showing no change.. Because there will have been no change.. Edited October 1, 2013 by reddragon588 2
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 i haven't responded to her. i want to contact her on my own terms.
reddragon588 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) i haven't responded to her. i want to contact her on my own terms. No offense dude but I don't think you're getting it. Don't be thinking about contacting her... At all. Unless she says to you, "I was wrong, I'm sorry, I want to make this work and I want to be with you," you need to say absolutely nothing. Nothing else she says to you presents value to you. She asked for space? Give her more space than she ever imagined possible. Continue to give her space and watch as her messages get more and more desperate. EDIT: I realize this sounds kind of condescending. I'm in a stressed out mode at work. But I am trying to emphasize the NC part here. Keep it up, don't think about breaking it! Edited October 1, 2013 by reddragon588
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 so my mindset should be to just give up? just throw in the towel and take this loss?
organizedchaos Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 so my mindset should be to just give up? just throw in the towel and take this loss? Yes. That's what I have to do right now as well. She wants space to grow more. Nothing I can do can make her change her mind. I need to let go and let fate decide.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 Yes. That's what I have to do right now as well. She wants space to grow more. Nothing I can do can make her change her mind. I need to let go and let fate decide. thats true. my ex told me i "always force things, and never let things happen on their own. trust that faith has a path for us."
reddragon588 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 so my mindset should be to just give up? just throw in the towel and take this loss? No! You should not have that mindset at all! Your mindset should be to move on and focus on yourself! There is no winning and losing here! This isn't you "losing". This is just you recognizing that life has many twists and turns and accepting that you hit an unexpected turn and going along with it. The only way you can "lose" is by obsessing over the past and what you can't change. If you don't learn and grow, then you "lose". Life isn't all about competition. Stop looking at it in terms of winning and losing. 1
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 No! You should not have that mindset at all! Your mindset should be to move on and focus on yourself! There is no winning and losing here! This isn't you "losing". This is just you recognizing that life has many twists and turns and accepting that you hit an unexpected turn and going along with it. The only way you can "lose" is by obsessing over the past and what you can't change. If you don't learn and grow, then you "lose". Life isn't all about competition. Stop looking at it in terms of winning and losing. well i lost her. i would think thats a big loss in my life.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 well i lost her. i would think thats a big loss in my life. Or it could be the catalyst to a future big gain with someone else.
reddragon588 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 well i lost her. i would think thats a big loss in my life. If anything, she lost you. 2
organizedchaos Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 If anything, she lost you. That's a really good way of looking at it. 1
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 If anything, she lost you. i would think so, i didn't do anything wrong. nothing i do can make her happy, it just didn't work on her part. 1
GorillaTheater Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 i would think so, i didn't do anything wrong. nothing i do can make her happy, it just didn't work on her part. That's right, it just didn't work. And it happens to all of us, more than once in almost all cases. Shake it off, learn what you can from it, and move on. 1
reddragon588 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 i would think so, i didn't do anything wrong. nothing i do can make her happy, it just didn't work on her part. Exactly the right attitude! Did you make mistakes? Sure! We all do! But she is the one who shoulders the final blame- she is the one who broke it off. Instead of focusing on what went wrong in the relationship, focus on what you can do to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
cavalier99 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I havent read this whole tread but i guarantee you couldnt have saved the relationship if you had given her space. Time to move on bro and stop blaming yourself. Stay strong. Cav 1
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