KatZee Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 OK, so I'm going to give MY personal experience on this situation since one of my relationships pretty much ended the exact same way. I was with this one guy who was super clingy and needy. He needed to be with me and see me every single second. It got to be so bad that if we were out shopping and I went to browse clothes, I would turn to check something out behind me and I'd slam right into him. I asked for a break several times because I felt so smothered and restricted. He never really gave me this space at all. The smothering got so bad that I started having anxiety attacks and grinding my teeth in my sleep. I finally just dumped him and he did everything you did. He begged, he pleaded, he said he was going to drive the 90 minutes straight to my house to see me. He called me constantly. He once called my phone about 11 times starting from 4:30AM on a weekday. When I didn't answer, he wrote me on Facebook, and then moved to my e-mail. I had asked for that space and he refused to give it to me, so ultimately in the end I had to be a complete b.itch to him. The final image I had of him in my head was that of disgust. I was angry, I was annoyed, and he was so pathetic to me. Once all those feelings dissipated I DID try to contact him... just like your dumper is. This is the most important part though: I was the typical dumper reaching out not to get back together, but for the ego stroke, and to ease my own guilt. I did feel bad with how it ended and I wanted to be "friends" with him. :laugh: I was not reaching out to get back together with him, and having now seen the side of the dumpee, I realize how cruel I had unintentionally been to him. I would suggest not reaching out to her at all. 2
reddragon588 Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 i can't find the text but i remember what she said. "i'm sitting here on my bed, thinking to myself, maybe i should get back with him. but i have to be strong and put my foot down." she thinks she's this strong independant woman now that she has a career, and doesn't need a man. if you saw that movie "Think Like A Man." she idolizes it. There's a caveat to that. If she wants to get back together there will be no "but". You say in the title you think you could have saved the relationship by giving her more space. While that is debatable, you certainly aren't going to rescue the relationship by doing the opposite of what she wants. If what she wants is space you have to give it to her. Maybe she gets that space and realize it isn't what she wanted after all. We always want what we don't have, then we get it and realize it's not so great after all.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 OK, so I'm going to give MY personal experience on this situation since one of my relationships pretty much ended the exact same way. I was with this one guy who was super clingy and needy. He needed to be with me and see me every single second. It got to be so bad that if we were out shopping and I went to browse clothes, I would turn to check something out behind me and I'd slam right into him. I asked for a break several times because I felt so smothered and restricted. He never really gave me this space at all. The smothering got so bad that I started having anxiety attacks and grinding my teeth in my sleep. I finally just dumped him and he did everything you did. He begged, he pleaded, he said he was going to drive the 90 minutes straight to my house to see me. He called me constantly. He once called my phone about 11 times starting from 4:30AM on a weekday. When I didn't answer, he wrote me on Facebook, and then moved to my e-mail. I had asked for that space and he refused to give it to me, so ultimately in the end I had to be a complete b.itch to him. The final image I had of him in my head was that of disgust. I was angry, I was annoyed, and he was so pathetic to me. Once all those feelings dissipated I DID try to contact him... just like your dumper is. This is the most important part though: I was the typical dumper reaching out not to get back together, but for the ego stroke, and to ease my own guilt. I did feel bad with how it ended and I wanted to be "friends" with him. :laugh: I was not reaching out to get back together with him, and having now seen the side of the dumpee, I realize how cruel I had unintentionally been to him. I would suggest not reaching out to her at all. i wasn't that psycho. i would just always kiss her and a give a little too much PDA. she even complained to me all the time that i don't call her enough. though after the breakup, i would hit her up at least once every 2 weeks...not blow up her phone non stop.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 There's a caveat to that. If she wants to get back together there will be no "but". You say in the title you think you could have saved the relationship by giving her more space. While that is debatable, you certainly aren't going to rescue the relationship by doing the opposite of what she wants. If what she wants is space you have to give it to her. Maybe she gets that space and realize it isn't what she wanted after all. We always want what we don't have, then we get it and realize it's not so great after all. yeah, she's the one who wanted to hook up with me initially before we started dating, then she got me, then dumps me.
Stealth3 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Well my gf dumped me because apparently I gave her too much space, so that's definitely not it. That's a very long time, I would definitely move and try to find another girl. Seems like she wants to play games so make sure you make her feel that she lost you completely. NC, and start dating again. If she really liked you and have regrets, she will come back, especially once she realizes you are gone for good. The problem is, do you want her back then? She dumped you for a bs reason, she never told you the real reason. That is for sure.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Well my gf dumped me because apparently I gave her too much space, so that's definitely not it. That's a very long time, I would definitely move and try to find another girl. Seems like she wants to play games so make sure you make her feel that she lost you completely. NC, and start dating again. If she really liked you and have regrets, she will come back, especially once she realizes you are gone for good. The problem is, do you want her back then? She dumped you for a bs reason, she never told you the real reason. That is for sure. yeah, she wouldn't initiate contact ever when i would bother her, now it's been awhile, i'm showing indifference, she's trying to get me to talk.
Stealth3 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 She was enjoying you bothering her...now that you are gone, she is starting to feel powerless and asks herself wtf...why isn't he interested? She feels rejected, thinks you really arent interested anymore. She wants to make sure thats not the case and you are still around. It should be all about you, what do you want to do? Do you still want her back? Sounds like she wants to string you along like her pet. Ask yourself what you want first, once you figure out, then go for it. Of course, keep at least 1-2 more weeks of NC at least. 1) Go get her back, make her realize her mistakes and make it work. or 2) Keep no NC, go get yourself a cigar and some whiskey and have some fun. Never look back, never break NC. You have options.
reddragon588 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Don't break NC unless she says she wants to get back together. That is the only way to "get her back". I would suggest moving on though. From what you've said, you weren't overly clingy, she just did not appear to be desiring a relationship.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 She was enjoying you bothering her...now that you are gone, she is starting to feel powerless and asks herself wtf...why isn't he interested? She feels rejected, thinks you really arent interested anymore. She wants to make sure thats not the case and you are still around. It should be all about you, what do you want to do? Do you still want her back? Sounds like she wants to string you along like her pet. Ask yourself what you want first, once you figure out, then go for it. Of course, keep at least 1-2 more weeks of NC at least. 1) Go get her back, make her realize her mistakes and make it work. or 2) Keep no NC, go get yourself a cigar and some whiskey and have some fun. Never look back, never break NC. You have options. #2 was my goal for a while, smoking weed, drinkin', being adventurous. but in the end, i was missing my ex... i want to get her back now, i just need to find the right words to convince her to come back to me, any suggestions??? i am going to wait 2 more weeks til i make my move.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Don't break NC unless she says she wants to get back together. That is the only way to "get her back". I would suggest moving on though. From what you've said, you weren't overly clingy, she just did not appear to be desiring a relationship. you're correct, she said "i'm better off by myself, i don't care if i'm alone for the rest of my life." lol so dramatic.
Stealth3 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 How many times has she tried to contact you? And what did she say in her texts? Any signs she wants you back? And how long as she been trying to reach you for? She might not say it since she wont knows if you want her back and feels embarrassed after what she did.
h0000 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) you're correct, she said "i'm better off by myself, i don't care if i'm alone for the rest of my life." lol so dramatic. lol your ex said the exact same thing as my ex. my ex said "maybe i will just be alone my whole life" "i dont need company".maybe they should get together haah. I do not plan to reply to his messages unill he begs a few more times. so should you. you shouldnt even think about how to get her back. she should be doing all the work. your job is sit back and enjoy. Edited October 1, 2013 by h0000
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 How many times has she tried to contact you? And what did she say in her texts? Any signs she wants you back? And how long as she been trying to reach you for? She might not say it since she wont knows if you want her back and feels embarrassed after what she did. the first time she told me to make my instagram private so her job doesn't find out about her personal life. the next was her asking for her clothes back. there are signs like on her tumblr, she posts things saying stuff like, "you need to prove your love someone." or "you have to fight and work hard for what you want."
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 lol your ex said the exact same thing as my ex. my ex said "maybe i will just be alone my whole life" "i dont need company".maybe they should get together haah. I do not plan to reply to his messages unill he begs a few more times. so should you. you shouldnt even think about how to get her back. she should be doing all the work. your job is sit back and enjoy. hahah. they're so childish. well i haven't heard from her since last week, i think she's angry because i didn't respond. i'm going to apologize in a couple of weeks maybe.
Stealth3 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Don't apologize dude, that's a big mistake....... You can initiate contact and tell her listen...bla bla bla and make **** work. But don't apologize.....you did nothing wrong.
h0000 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 hahah. they're so childish. well i haven't heard from her since last week, i think she's angry because i didn't respond. i'm going to apologize in a couple of weeks maybe. Jesus Christ NOOOO why are you apologizing? MAN UP! Cant you see that she is still stringing you alone? if you want to win this "game" you should first stop caring! you are only ready to go back to her when you can completely live without her.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 Don't apologize dude, that's a big mistake....... You can initiate contact and tell her listen...bla bla bla and make **** work. But don't apologize.....you did nothing wrong. well what should i say? "hey (ex), you doin' alright?"
h0000 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 why dont you just move on?? you WILL find another girl you know.. i didnt see any message from her that says "i want you back" (or did i miss something?) why exactly do you want her back?? why not just ask her "what do you want" ? 1
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 why dont you just move on?? you WILL find another girl you know.. i didnt see any message from her that says "i want you back" (or did i miss something?) why exactly do you want her back?? why not just ask her "what do you want" ? like in The Notebook? lol. but true though, i should just ask her straight up, "what do you want with us? i know i messed up in the past, but is there any chance for us in the future?"
h0000 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Just limit the content to "what do you want"..the rest just sounds, so desperate, or worse, pathetic. I dont know the whole story of you two so I apologize if that was too harsh. But I honestly it almost sounds like your her slave...
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 okay, but another thing, how do i prove myself that i've given her space and have changed? she told me i "don't understand what space truly means."
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 well what should i say? "hey (ex), you doin' alright?" Say nothing. Keep moving on. You never contact an ex until you are ok with any response, or non-response, an ex gives. You aren't there dude. Don't contact.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 okay, but another thing, how do i prove myself that i've given her space and have changed? she told me i "don't understand what space truly means." There is no way you can "prove" you are giving space if you are contacting her.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 like in The Notebook? lol. but true though, i should just ask her straight up, "what do you want with us? i know i messed up in the past, but is there any chance for us in the future?" This is a dreadful, dreadful, dreadful idea.
Author Scoot Scoot Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 This is a dreadful, dreadful, dreadful idea. why? what do i have to lose? might as well give it a shot, if i get shut down, i'm in the same position i am now.
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