i could have saved the relationship if i gave her space.

[Scoot Scoot]

so my girl left me a while back. says i was too clingy. i admit i gave too much affection and wanted to be with her all the time. after we broke up i did the classic things dumpees do, beg, cry, plead and it only pushed her away. i always needed to know what she was doing, to the point that she blocked me from all social media. she told me to give her space, which i didn't respect. said if only i gave her space, that she would have had time to think about us and could have changed her mind. she lost all love for me since then, and now she said i ruined any chance to get back.

 

i've been in nc for a while and now i want to tell my ex i'm sorry for everything, getting in her business and being clingy. i hope this time apart proves to her that i changed.

[Philosoraptor]

She's made it clear that she's in the process of moving on and doesn't want to get back together. You need to respect that and work on moving on yourself. Communicating with her will only push you more steps back and cause more pain.

[Toddbt12y1]

She said there would be no more chances.

 

But, seeing as you have such resolve to try again(though, I believe you will not like what you find; when you go search her out).

 

I have a question: How long have you been No Contact? If it has been a great while, it is possible she has moved on. Not to be a downer; just giving you something to expect, a possibility.

 

Personally, I think you should move on, and use this relationship as a learning tool.

[Scoot Scoot]

i don't know how long i've been in NC exactly, but roughly around 2 months. by moved on, you mean she's with someone else?!

[Toddbt12y1]

i don't know how long i've been in NC exactly, but roughly around 2 months. by moved on, you mean she's with someone else?!

 

Two months is a long time. Yes, she could very well have moved on, given the amount of time in NC. Despite what you may believe: No contact is not a way to get an ex back(usually, and it rarely works).

 

I want you to take note, though. I said it is a possibility, a good one. It is something anyone who wants an ex back must be prepared for. Really, you should move on yourself. Learn from this relationship, to not be as clingy. There are many more girls out there.

[Scoot Scoot]

i see. but given the time apart, would you think that she could have changed her mind about me? would you think she misses me at all? she did try to reach me but i ignored her.

[h0000]

You still want to get her back? Oh god no...she will still think you are clingy. And even I think you are clingy.

If she wanted you back she would contact you. Its her turn.

[Toddbt12y1]

I do not know. No one can tell you that.

 

When did she try contacting you? Like how long ago? Time is crucial.

[Scoot Scoot]

she contacted me about a month ago, and again last week. didn't bother responding because i'm trying to be stronger and show i'm not desperate.

[Toddbt12y1]

If she is trying to contact you, that could show you that she may have changed her mind. I would contact her, if she contacts you once more. Though you could now, but it may seem like a cave.

 

Twice, shows she's really thinking. Girls don't give too many chances.

[Scoot Scoot]

if i contact her i really don't know what to say. i ignored her and have no idea what she wanted. i'm worried she might have anger towards me.

[Toddbt12y1]

Just say hello. Nothing else is really needed. I received a text from you, what's happening. Nothing fancy. This is rather neutral. No power is given up.

 

If she has anger you will know. Sometimes you have get get burned to know.

[h0000]

some people are weird I guess. You treat them nice and they think your boring. You ignore them they come back running.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

NO NO NO NO NO......

 

First, dont beat yourself up. Giving her space or not wouldnt have helped. She was probably going to be gone anyways. Its one of those situations where she would have gotten mad if you DIDNT show you wanted her back or DID. Blame shifting is normal, and she had the decision made up a while ago that she was going to back out.

 

The fact remains she left. Thats the focus here. Not what you did, what you could have done, etc etc etc. That stuff is just going to keep you in a purgatory that you dont want to be in. She is done with the relationship and if she wanted to reconcile, she would. Fact is, she isnt. Calling her, contacting her or whatever on your end is already going to make you look worse than you probably already do to her.

 

Reconciliation can ONLY happen if TWO people want it...not just one. This "contact her once see what she says" advice....again, she ENDED it. How is going to talking to her going to change anything? Take it at face value: She left, said you were too clingy or whatever.....so how is contacting her a month later helping the cause?

[organizedchaos]

NO NO NO NO NO......

 

First, dont beat yourself up. Giving her space or not wouldnt have helped. She was probably going to be gone anyways. Its one of those situations where she would have gotten mad if you DIDNT show you wanted her back or DID. Blame shifting is normal, and she had the decision made up a while ago that she was going to back out.

 

The fact remains she left. Thats the focus here. Not what you did, what you could have done, etc etc etc. That stuff is just going to keep you in a purgatory that you dont want to be in. She is done with the relationship and if she wanted to reconcile, she would. Fact is, she isnt. Calling her, contacting her or whatever on your end is already going to make you look worse than you probably already do to her.

 

Reconciliation can ONLY happen if TWO people want it...not just one. This "contact her once see what she says" advice....again, she ENDED it. How is going to talking to her going to change anything? Take it at face value: She left, said you were too clingy or whatever.....so how is contacting her a month later helping the cause?

 

Here's what I don't get and is repeated here a lot. It seems contradictory.

 

NC is not meant to get someone back but to move on. You say above reconciliation can only happen if two people want it. She reached out to him and you say don't respond bc it won't help. But if it takes two people to reconcile, and he wants to reconcile and her reaching out twice to maybe reconcile, what good will ignoring her do? What if this is her way of initiating a reconciliation? He may never know if he sticks to nc. Of course we don't know if that's what she wants by doing this, but if it is, isn't it worth just exploring to know for sure either way?

[reddragon588]

Here's what I don't get and is repeated here a lot. It seems contradictory.

 

NC is not meant to get someone back but to move on. You say above reconciliation can only happen if two people want it. She reached out to him and you say don't respond bc it won't help. But if it takes two people to reconcile, and he wants to reconcile and her reaching out twice to maybe reconcile, what good will ignoring her do? What if this is her way of initiating a reconciliation? He may never know if he sticks to nc. Of course we don't know if that's what she wants by doing this, but if it is, isn't it worth just exploring to know for sure either way?

 

Reaching out does not mean reconciliation. Most of the time it means they are trying to check up to relieve their own guilt, or are bored, or are looking to get possessions back.. Not get back together. They're called breadcrumbs.

 

If they're looking to get back together, there will be no questioning their intentions.. It will be plainly obvious to you that that's what they're looking for.

[malin819]

Reaching out does not mean reconciliation. Most of the time it means they are trying to check up to relieve their own guilt, or are bored, or are looking to get possessions back.. Not get back together. They're called breadcrumbs.

 

If they're looking to get back together, there will be no questioning their intentions.. It will be plainly obvious to you that that's what they're looking for.

 

Listen to this I feel into this trap 3 times with my ex

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Here's what I don't get and is repeated here a lot. It seems contradictory.

 

NC is not meant to get someone back but to move on. You say above reconciliation can only happen if two people want it. She reached out to him and you say don't respond bc it won't help. But if it takes two people to reconcile, and he wants to reconcile and her reaching out twice to maybe reconcile, what good will ignoring her do? What if this is her way of initiating a reconciliation? He may never know if he sticks to nc. Of course we don't know if that's what she wants by doing this, but if it is, isn't it worth just exploring to know for sure either way?

 

First part-Yes, NC is NOT used to get someone back. Its used to move on.

 

2nd- No, its not worth "exploring". Breakups are pretty easy to understand, its usually the other people who make it difficult haha. She said point blank to him what she felt. SHE told him from the start that he pushed her away and being clingy or whatever "reason" she gave. If dumpers REALLY regret their decision, TRUST ME they will let you know. IF they wanted to be with you, dont you think they would put the full court press on it? And no, the OP shouldnt worry about "upsetting" her or whatever. SHE broke up with him why does HE have to worry about HER feelings?

 

Think if it this way: If the OP had the same feelings he does now and was the dumper, dont you think he would go through hell and highwater to be with her again? I dont think a simple "Hi" text or "hope youre doing well" means anything. What we call breadcrumbs. I've seen this story 1,000 times before. She could be trying to rid herself of guilt, be nosey, or maybe just be interested on what the other person is doing. The OP is doing it right by NOT responding. First, he is at least attempting to get over the initial hurt of the actual breakup (why people go NO CONTACT anyways). And second, he is showing he isnt some weak guy who is going to respond to ever call.

 

An ex sending a text, e-mail, or whatever after a BU is not unusual. It happens a bunch. Doesnt really mean she "wants to make it work again." Until an ex says "_______, I made a mistake. I want to try this again. I'm sorry" or something along those lines, just sending a text doesnt mean a thing.

[organizedchaos]

First part-Yes, NC is NOT used to get someone back. Its used to move on.

 

2nd- No, its not worth "exploring". Breakups are pretty easy to understand, its usually the other people who make it difficult haha. She said point blank to him what she felt. SHE told him from the start that he pushed her away and being clingy or whatever "reason" she gave. If dumpers REALLY regret their decision, TRUST ME they will let you know. IF they wanted to be with you, dont you think they would put the full court press on it? And no, the OP shouldnt worry about "upsetting" her or whatever. SHE broke up with him why does HE have to worry about HER feelings?

 

Think if it this way: If the OP had the same feelings he does now and was the dumper, dont you think he would go through hell and highwater to be with her again? I dont think a simple "Hi" text or "hope youre doing well" means anything. What we call breadcrumbs. I've seen this story 1,000 times before. She could be trying to rid herself of guilt, be nosey, or maybe just be interested on what the other person is doing. The OP is doing it right by NOT responding. First, he is at least attempting to get over the initial hurt of the actual breakup (why people go NO CONTACT anyways). And second, he is showing he isnt some weak guy who is going to respond to ever call.

 

An ex sending a text, e-mail, or whatever after a BU is not unusual. It happens a bunch. Doesnt really mean she "wants to make it work again." Until an ex says "_______, I made a mistake. I want to try this again. I'm sorry" or something along those lines, just sending a text doesnt mean a thing.

 

Ok, makes sense. Esp your last paragraph. I'm in a similar boat right now.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Ok, makes sense. Esp your last paragraph. I'm in a similar boat right now.

 

I understand. Trust me, we've all been there. For me personally, I had the SAME mentality when I just had my breakup that most new comers do as well. Thought NC was stupid, they dont know my ex like I do, I WILL reconcile and make this work. Now, I'm not saying everyones advice (including my own) is THE way to go, but I do know that most everyones advice on here (including the more experienced ones) helped out more than anything I could have imagined. People just have to be willing to want to help themselves instead of staying in the purgatory they are in.

[Scoot Scoot]

is it considered 'breadcrumbs' if we've been broken up nearly 1/2 year? back in june i had a text convo with her, i found it and here's what she told me:

 

"There is a lot I need to work on too and I am fully aware of my faults. Hence I needed space from you. I wasn't given that option nor did I felt respected... I felt trapped then my feelings for you started to become negative. "Why isnt he taking my unhappiness seriously?" And the more and more I felt like you didn't listen the more I felt like you didn't care. It changed the way I treated you.

 

This break up isn't easy for me either. I thought that this was going to be different. I don't want people know everything about us because this is only for us. I don't see the point of telling people our dirty laundry because no matter what we say, there will be judgment and either of us doesn't deserve that. If you want to tell people your side, I'm not going to stop you.. But I can also share my side. What's that going to do for both of us? Have people look down on our actions before we have the chance to learn from them? I've shared that you are a great and nice man and that this decision was based solely because I was no longer happy.

 

Maybe one day we will cross paths again.. Who knows.. I just want you to grow from this, heal with time, and trust faith that there's a path for you..

 

if I gave you another shot.. It wouldn't be fair because I won't be able to give you 100%. Maybe if I had more space and time it would make some difference.. But this is how I feel.. I'm sorry.. I need to take care of me right now."

 

 

 

thats just one convo of many, if i find more i could show you some other key things she said.

[Toddbt12y1]

Don't respond to her: Stay NC. The crap she has fed you is enough. She clearly wants/ed you gone. Don't buy into that cheap "it's me, not you," crap.

 

You two have been broken up, for 1/2 year? Definitely a reason to keep avoiding her. Of course she doesn't want you talking to others about this; she might feel guilty. Point is, move on.

 

Better woman out there. Far better. You only hurt yourself, in the end, you should be worried about yourself...not someone who is no longer with you. She did this, not you. Do for yourself, and go beyond her. She isn't any good to you.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

is it considered 'breadcrumbs' if we've been broken up nearly 1/2 year? back in june i had a text convo with her, i found it and here's what she told me:

 

"There is a lot I need to work on too and I am fully aware of my faults. Hence I needed space from you. I wasn't given that option nor did I felt respected... I felt trapped then my feelings for you started to become negative. "Why isnt he taking my unhappiness seriously?" And the more and more I felt like you didn't listen the more I felt like you didn't care. It changed the way I treated you.

 

This break up isn't easy for me either. I thought that this was going to be different. I don't want people know everything about us because this is only for us. I don't see the point of telling people our dirty laundry because no matter what we say, there will be judgment and either of us doesn't deserve that. If you want to tell people your side, I'm not going to stop you.. But I can also share my side. What's that going to do for both of us? Have people look down on our actions before we have the chance to learn from them? I've shared that you are a great and nice man and that this decision was based solely because I was no longer happy.

 

Maybe one day we will cross paths again.. Who knows.. I just want you to grow from this, heal with time, and trust faith that there's a path for you..

 

if I gave you another shot.. It wouldn't be fair because I won't be able to give you 100%. Maybe if I had more space and time it would make some difference.. But this is how I feel.. I'm sorry.. I need to take care of me right now."

 

 

 

thats just one convo of many, if i find more i could show you some other key things she said.

 

"It wouldnt be fair because I wont be able to give you 100%"<---lol

"I need time to take care of me right now" <-----lol

 

From the text convo, however, she does seem to not be treating you like s*** like many ex's do. She seems to be up front with her issues. WITH that said, she seems to be trying to tell you to move on without hurting your feelings. The "maybe one day we'll cross paths again" and whatever lines suggest that she knows you are taking this hard and is trying to lay it down easy. I dont think you did anything wrong in this entire situation either. My ex tried to pull the same stuff on me of "why isnt he taking my unhappiness seriously" type stuff. I dont buy that. Most dumpers already have it in their mind that they want to leave for whatever reason for a while before they do it. Feelings changed, another person in the mix...whatever. All you can really do is keep moving forward TRUST me.

[reddragon588]

is it considered 'breadcrumbs' if we've been broken up nearly 1/2 year? back in june i had a text convo with her, i found it and here's what she told me:

 

"There is a lot I need to work on too and I am fully aware of my faults. Hence I needed space from you. I wasn't given that option nor did I felt respected... I felt trapped then my feelings for you started to become negative. "Why isnt he taking my unhappiness seriously?" And the more and more I felt like you didn't listen the more I felt like you didn't care. It changed the way I treated you.

 

This break up isn't easy for me either. I thought that this was going to be different. I don't want people know everything about us because this is only for us. I don't see the point of telling people our dirty laundry because no matter what we say, there will be judgment and either of us doesn't deserve that. If you want to tell people your side, I'm not going to stop you.. But I can also share my side. What's that going to do for both of us? Have people look down on our actions before we have the chance to learn from them? I've shared that you are a great and nice man and that this decision was based solely because I was no longer happy.

 

Maybe one day we will cross paths again.. Who knows.. I just want you to grow from this, heal with time, and trust faith that there's a path for you..

 

if I gave you another shot.. It wouldn't be fair because I won't be able to give you 100%. Maybe if I had more space and time it would make some difference.. But this is how I feel.. I'm sorry.. I need to take care of me right now."

 

 

 

thats just one convo of many, if i find more i could show you some other key things she said.

 

Yes that is breadcrumbs. Nowhere in there does she say she wants to reconcile. In fact she says the exact opposite.

[Scoot Scoot]

Yes that is breadcrumbs. Nowhere in there does she say she wants to reconcile. In fact she says the exact opposite.

 

i can't find the text but i remember what she said. "i'm sitting here on my bed, thinking to myself, maybe i should get back with him. but i have to be strong and put my foot down."

 

she thinks she's this strong independant woman now that she has a career, and doesn't need a man. if you saw that movie "Think Like A Man." she idolizes it.