Thechase Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 About 4 years ago, I met this girl, Jane... We started dating, but I had been talking to another girl also called Jane (Jane 2) who I liked better... So Before me and Jane had even been together a week, I was already cheating on a girl with the same first name, I am not proud of it. Well over the next 3-4 months, I kept yo-yoing between the two, keeping them sweet enough to want to fight each other for me. Jane 2, used to get pregnant every time we broke up, in fear of me going back to Jane... I don't know why I kept giving her chances, as I and everyone else knew that she was lying about the pregnancies every time... In the end, I moved in with Jane 2 and lived with her for about 2 years, any contact I tried to make with Jane was buffered away by her. Me and Jane 2 both cheated on each other once that I know of and we split, seemingly for good. I begged Jane for another chance, it took a while but she eventually agreed (she had been single for the entire 2 years I was with Jane 2) She didn't trust me though, because of what had happened before, even though we had only been together 3 months, she must of ended up checking my facebook and seeing a conversation between me and jane 2 that day, it was the first conversation we had since we split and it had gotten very sexual (although she claims that Jane 2 sent her the messages in spite, I don't believe this) We had a massive fight about it, which led to her splitting up with me, so I had sex with a female friend of mine that night. Which she was furious about, even though she had split up with me... Which makes no sense. Anyways, she took me back pretty quickly, and a few months later we split again and went NC for a month, when we started talking again, we decided to give it one more shot... Which lasted about 2 months... she found out that in that month split, i had slept with jane 2 and told her I loved her. Which apparently was the last straw, we argued and I split up with her this time. She met someone else about 4 days later (I know she had never met him previously) She had commented on a mutual friend of theirs facebook status, and this guy had messaged her telling (not asking) her to join him at the pub.... Which she did (she would never go to the pub usually). Bearing in mind this is a bloke that I had met through a mutual friend on my birthday the month before and thought was alright, i doubt he would have known that the girl he invited out was my ex. Jane and this guy have been together for almost a year now, without splitting up once, so is it realistic to think that their relationship is still a rebound relationship? They have lasted longer that me and her... Since she has been with him, she has been completely NC with me The problem is, Jane is the best I am ever going to get, shes pretty, incredibly intelligent and loyal beyond what anyone should ever be. I know I messed up big time, and I know her new boyfriend is better than me... He's taller, smarter, has long hair (she always loved long hair on men). He loves cats whilst i was allergic to hers and when we were at pub on my bday, he had so many women eyeing him up and ignoring me for him:( It just seems like she has upgraded and that every girl I stand a chance with is a downgrade from her. We both live in the same small town I still see jane 2 a lot of the time, we sometimes still have sexual relations... It just sucks because I now know for certain that she isn't the one I want to be with. Is this relationship still a rebound? Do you think there is any chance I could win her back? Do you think she could have feelings for me still? She started dating him literally less that a week after our split which everyone tells me is extremely disrespectful and must mean he is her rebound) I accept I was a complete idiot... But it kills me when I see them walking in town arm-in-arm. It is not a case of grass-is-greener syndrome... It's just realising that you took your soulmate for granted. Everyone tells me that I am mad for letting her go and I am
Philosoraptor Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Why would she come back? You were bouncing between two different women. Sounds like she found someone willing to commit to her without all the drama and is moving on to a happy future. Just wish her well (in your mind, as she clearly wants nothing to do with you) and grow up some so you are actually capible of a healthy relationship. And her dating someone 4 days after you broke up is disrespectful? You slept with someone the same night you two broke up.
Author Thechase Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 I know I was a terrible boyfriend, but I cant accept that what we had wasn't special enough for her to not want to come back. I just want her to know how sorry I am for the way I treated her and that it will never happen again. Is there not a way I can convince her that we belong together, even if it takes me years... I feel like we have unfinished business and that neither of us can truly move on until we have tried again, so we know for sure that we can't work.
stillafool Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 If she has been going with him for a year and no breakups, he is her dream guy as far as looks, treats her the way she wants to be treated - I would say she's gone for good and this isn't a rebound relationship. You should get over her and learn from this so you don't make the same mistakes when you go into your next relationship.
Philosoraptor Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 You don't have to accept it, the thing is though that she has accepted that it wasn't special enough to come back to. Which is why she hasn't made contact and she is still with this person. Yes, it won't happen again as she doesn't seem to want to be with you. You need to move on, she already has. She's found her closure and is hopefully in a happy relationship. The trust from the relationship you two once had was severly broken, and not something she wanted to mend which is why she ended the relationship and made no efforts to come back after you slept with that other girl. You seem to have an inferiority complex more than anything. You're more focused on what this other guy has than about her it seems. She's not a trophy for you and just because she is with him doesn't mean he is better than you. He may be a better fit for her than you are, but it doesn't make him a better person. Look, we all get dumped at one point or another and want our ex back. Our ego jumps in when they start to date someone else. You two were not a healthy fit together and it seems that she and this new guy are a better fit. Again, that doesn't mean he's better than you... just a better fit for her than you are. Turn your ego off and build up your self esteem, and you're not going to be pining over her anymore. Your posts alone show that you want to "win" her and be her top choice, more than you want a healthy relationship with her.
Author Thechase Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 You don't have to accept it, the thing is though that she has accepted that it wasn't special enough to come back to. Which is why she hasn't made contact and she is still with this person. Yes, it won't happen again as she doesn't seem to want to be with you. You need to move on, she already has. She's found her closure and is hopefully in a happy relationship. The trust from the relationship you two once had was severly broken, and not something she wanted to mend which is why she ended the relationship and made no efforts to come back after you slept with that other girl. You seem to have an inferiority complex more than anything. You're more focused on what this other guy has than about her it seems. She's not a trophy for you and just because she is with him doesn't mean he is better than you. He may be a better fit for her than you are, but it doesn't make him a better person. Look, we all get dumped at one point or another and want our ex back. Our ego jumps in when they start to date someone else. You two were not a healthy fit together and it seems that she and this new guy are a better fit. Again, that doesn't mean he's better than you... just a better fit for her than you are. Turn your ego off and build up your self esteem, and you're not going to be pining over her anymore. Your posts alone show that you want to "win" her and be her top choice, more than you want a healthy relationship with her. I think you are right. I remember when we got back into contact before we started dating again after my split with the other Jane... She described her perfect guy to me and a group of guys whilst we were having a few drinks... She said, he would be half a foot taller than her (he is exactly half a foot taller than her), have long hair (he does), be interested in science (he is), love cats (yup) and have a few tattoos but not be covered in them (check), love RPG's/retro-gaming and anime/manga (he loves them) He literally fits every box in her checklist, every single one... I always hear about girls having extensive criteria for dating and that they always have to compromise on at least one of there desires in the opposite sex... Not true for her, she has found the man of her dreams, the shadow that has been in her mind since she was young. It just seems surreal that the man she described over a year ago to me and a few of our friends fell into her heart a few days after she was rid of me... Maybe, its Karma rewarding her for her all the rubbish I put her through and made her feel Yet, I can't find a woman anywhere near as perfect as she was... So its not fair to get with a new lady if she is never going to be able to compete with my ex, as she will be self-conscious and I will always feel like I am dating-down from what I once had. I love her, I really do, but there is no way she would ever monkey-branch from one relationship to the other, even if the new option is 1000x better... So I cant really expect her to leave the man of her dreams for someone like me I have learned a valuable lesson, and hopefully some other people may learn from my mistake... You really never know how great you have it, until you chuck it away, she finds someone else.... And you cant
Omei Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Leave her alone you caused enough hassle for both Janes. The only reason shes "perfect" now is because you cant have her anymore, she wasnt awesome enough for you to stick to her. Sounds like shes happy.
Zahara Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 You cant accept that what you both had wasn't special enough for her to not want to come back? Did you think it was special enough before you treated her so badly? Did you think it was special enough when you went behind her back? I don't think I would mildly term your behavior as idiotic. You are callous, selfish and incredibly entitled. Leave Jane alone. You are undeserving. It would be one thing if you stabbed her once, but NO, you did it repeatedly. And you expect someone to believe you when you say it will never happen again? The only reason you want her back is because you've dried up your options and suddenly she's become enticing.
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