She wants to take a step or two back and become friends? I am confuse right now...

[NotOverYou]

So I've been seeing this girl for about 2 weeks now. My friend introduced us to each other and we've hung out a lot during the first week. We started showing affection towards each other on day 5 in the first week we've meet. Since then we've been texting each other throughout the day and talking on the phone almost every night that we don't hang out. I took her out to dinner once and she came back to my house. We kiss and make out but that was it. When we are together we would hold hands and we both have no problems showing affection towards each other.

 

She did mention to me that she's not ready to jump back into a relationship because she got out of a 3 year relationship at the beginning of the year. It was a bad relationship that both of them decided to end on good terms.

 

Last Friday, I was off, so she came over. We hung out and had a few drinks. Towards the end of the night, I asked her a question that offended her. She didn't look upset or not that I know of, but when she got home she called me and told me that she was upset with me. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't accept my apologies and we called it a night. She went out of town during the weekend, so I couldn't get a hold of her. I text her Saturday night to say good night and she text me back saying that she misses me. The next day I thought everything was cool since she had text me that morning. We exchanged a few text and all a sudden she never text me back. That night, she went out and I got a text from her saying the she misses me. She called later that night to talk and we chatted for an hour or so. I thought everything was cool until today. I went to work and called her on my break. We had a good conversation and when I had to go back to work she told me to call her later when I get off work.

 

I called her when i got off work and that's when she said she want to have a serious talk with me. She told me that she wants us to take a step or two back and be good to each other since we're both in the same group of friends. If this goes any longer one of us is bound to get hurt. Lame excuse, I know. She also mention that she's not ready to commit and I respect that but why the sudden heart change. Everything was running smoothly. We've already made plans to go out Tuesday night, go to a football game during my birthday weekend, and she was going to go to a family function with me in a few weeks. That all changed because she decides that we shouldn't be affection towards each other. Since we hang out with the same group of friends we're bound to bump into each other. She wants us to act like friends when we're around our circle of friends. That's awkward. We both went back and forth for awhile until she found a reason to get off the phone.

 

Right now, I am totally confused because yesterday she tells me that she misses me and now she doesn't want us to be affections towards each other. I know she's being selfish and mislead me all this time. All of this wasn't about us. It was all about getting it her way. It goes both ways in same ways but I can say that if she didn't want to have a thing for me why kiss me back when we had our first kiss. It's just wrong. She said she's still interested but wants to take it slow. She still wants to get acquainted with me and be friends, but the kissing and holding hands has to stop.

 

From here, I don't know what to do.

 

I'd like to hear some advices or input from strangers besides my friends.

 

[Grumpybutfun]

Give her what she wants and step back....far back. There are plenty of girls out there who would be very happy having a guy interested in them and showing them affection so why waste your time with one who is already doing the "need space" thing. She wants to step back because she just isn't that interested...I know no one who steps back if they are. However, she wants to keep you interested so she can have you available to her in case any guy she does really like isn't interested or available. Move on and find someone who appreciates you.

Best,

Grumps

[todreaminblue]

I agree with grumpy bum i mean button ...smilin......he has it right......

 

 

she sounds a bit immature....its normal fro people to say things that are off when you are actually going out with the person you should be able to say hey that hurt.......why did you say that or do you realize that wasnt nice......or repeat it back and hope they pick up that it actually is a bit rough .......someone hurt me recently...really offended me and even though i pointed out what i found offensive he failed to recognise that was me asking him to stop i was getting hurt by repeating back an offensive comment i tried to highlight a hurt......... so he continued offending.......and it got worse...complete stop on communication from my side.......

 

now he doesnt recongise my style of dealing with things, or my communication style......its actually pretty respectful i try to add humor but it is based on courtesy and understanding i can be a littl egoofy but i am a careful person dealing with others i care about.......he was not respectful and quite thoughtless........rude....arrogant self centered.......sod...in saying all that..i still love him.....or i wouldnt still be hurt he never apologised so it takes a bit longer for me to get over it.......i didnt handle the situation well either...i got really hurt very quickly......and texted off a reply that was open to ridicule......i wasnt rational and hurt shock took over and i hit the send button in tears.....i lost control in other words.......doesnt happen often only when i truly care

 

 

now your friend could have told you she took offense sooner like on the spot and dealt with it then

 

 

 

she is being selfish denying you affection and to me a person who wants to keep their partner hidden from friends and family doesnt love them simple as that

 

 

 

i do agree with common friends it can be harder to manage if things dont work out....the fact is.....it doesnt or shouldnt involve others....you have to make that very clear once you decide to go out together.....communication and fights if you are together should stay that way together and privately dealt with ...if it doesnt work out ....then no one picks sides..if friends start talking about the ex partner you stop them and say hey not comfortable with this please dont discuss him or what he has done with me and the same goes the other way around....so no gossip about someone you previously went out with ...no ridicule...you dont bad mouth them because you are no longer going out with them...you chose them for a reason remember those reasons when you speak of them to mutual friends who like them as well..........and you work out how best to approach spending time with mutual friends apart

 

 

she doesnt sound mature to me and not ready for a serious relationship which btw should include affection in public the right kind of affection and behind closed doors.....i wish you well with someone in your future who appreciates you for you...d.eb

[NotOverYou]

i do agree with common friends it can be harder to manage if things dont work out....the fact is.....it doesnt or shouldnt involve others....you have to make that very clear once you decide to go out together.....communication and fights if you are together should stay that way together and privately dealt with ...if it doesnt work out ....then no one picks sides..if friends start talking about the ex partner you stop them and say hey not comfortable with this please dont discuss him or what he has done with me and the same goes the other way around....so no gossip about someone you previously went out with ...no ridicule...you dont bad mouth them because you are no longer going out with them...you chose them for a reason remember those reasons when you speak of them to mutual friends who like them as well..........and you work out how best to approach spending time with mutual friends apart

 

 

she doesnt sound mature to me and not ready for a serious relationship which btw should include affection in public the right kind of affection and behind closed doors.....i wish you well with someone in your future who appreciates you for you...d.eb

 

 

I warned her about airing out our little fights to our mutual friends. She called my buddy and her girlfriend the same night I made that comment that offended her. She's so immature for doing that. She could've came to me first so we can talk about it but she choose not to. Since the beginning, my buddy already told me he doesn't want anything or hear anything that has to do between her and I. I respect that and that's why I kept my mouth shut until my buddy brought it up to me if I was having problems with her.

[Carenth]

She is playing mind games I would just leave her be. Keep contact to a minimum and move on.

[Woop1337]

It was in the bag but you blew it. Spent too much time. She liked you, obviously she let you kiss her and she was receptive to your displays of affection. It wouldn't hurt to have self control and pace yourself. She took you down by day 5, easy.

 

Anyway you might as well delete her number, cuz it's over. It sucks because y'all hangout in the same social circle. She wants to take two steps back, you take ten. Move on.

[RedRobin]

You've only been spending time with her for two weeks.

 

Even though you know each other through mutual friends, you are still strangers.

 

So, you had some affection, that means she likes (or did) like you as more than friends, but things happened a bit too fast.

 

Also, it's not true that everyone who says they need to take things slow is uninterested. Some of us just aren't into a lot of physical stuff with total strangers or near strangers... no matter how physically appealing they might be or how well they manage to get some pseudo-intimacy going.

 

... and that is all your are feeling right now. Pseudo intimacy. It's not the real thing. You hardly know her.

 

So, what am I saying?? Yea, cool your heels. It sounds like she still wants to get to know you and spend time with you. You can still see other people. It's not like you are locked down.

[Copelandsanity]

She did mention to me that she's not ready to jump back into a relationship because she got out of a 3 year relationship at the beginning of the year. It was a bad relationship that both of them decided to end on good terms.

 

She's not ready. I was the same way after I ended things with my ex - 7 years together, 5 of them married. I tried to date 6 weeks after D-day and also 6 months later after my divorce was filed. My behavior was erratic. I would date and be intimate with women I would normally not be interested in. I moved too fast and then would end things suddenly. I acted as if I was emotionally healthy and desirous of a relationship but I was actually in denial.

 

If you want some advice, mine would be to not make a big deal out of this. Be her friend, act normal around her and your friends and don't get emotionally invested. In essence, that is the key: You have learn to manage your emotions better. These items you're upset about...you should not feel anything other than indifference about. It's only awkward if you make it awkward.